Getting Started at the Beginning
By Twistie(huddles over sweet, life-giving caffeine)
Last night was a long night.
(The light, Precious! It burns!)
I was up late because Mr. Twistie’s band was having a concert. Then I needed to check whether Michael Phelps managed to beat Mark Spitz’s Olympic record before I could go to bed.
(Quaffs coffee)
But there was one more thing that kept me awake. It was a good thing. The lead guitarist in Mr. Twistie’s band just got engaged to one supremely awesome lady. She’s not only beautiful and talented, but also has one of the most perverted senses of humor I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing. These two are a perfect match. Twistie gives a big thumbs up!
Of course I made sure she had the address for this site before the night was out. After all, I wanted to make sure they were getting the best advice possible for planning their big day!
So this morning, my scrambled brains are all filled with thoughts on how to get started in plotting - er - planning a wedding. Here are some tips I consider important:
1: Know where to get good advice. In addition to this blog, make sure you’ve got a couple other sources you can rely on. Never teh Bride’s excellent book is a great resource, as is the always correct Miss Manners. Between Never teh Bride and Miss Manners, you can’t go too far wrong. Also see the links at the right-hand side of this blog. You’ll find some great blogs and websites to help you find your way through the potentially confusing world of wedding planning.
2: Know what you want. Before you start making final decisions about anything, take a little time to consider what sort of a wedding you want to have. Keep in mind this ‘you’ is not ‘you, the bride’ but ‘you, the couple.’ Take a little time to dream together. Really talk about what’s important to each of you. It’s harder for anyone, be it a wedding professional, a parent, a friend, or a random stranger to convince you to have the wedding you don’t want if you know what sort of wedding you do want. Big or small, formal or in, religous or secular, solemn or silly, formal white gown or awesome gold pantsuit…there’s no real wrong style. There’s only what is or isn’t right for you as a couple.
3: Know what you have to work with. Again, before you make too many decisions, you need to sit down and figure out the realities involved. Where you live, where your families live, how much money you have in your bank account, what skills you have, and who you know will all make a big difference in the practical aspects of your plans. Remember to keep in mind your assets as well as the potential roadblocks you face. After all, when Mr. Twistie and I got engaged we didn’t have two shiny nickles to rub together, but we had plenty of skills, imagination, and friends to help us create the day we wanted to have.
4: Remember: if you’re getting terribly stressed out, you’re not doing it right for you. Planning a wedding can be stressful, and probably will be at some point in the process. There are Big Emotions and Huge Expectations involved, so chances are there will be something that makes you crazy about it. This is normal. But if everything about it is making you break out in hives, it’s time to rethink matters from the ground up. Planning the right wedding for you will still have its moments, but it’s a joyful process with a couple bumps along the road rather than a never-ending horror story.
5: The wedding is one day. Plan for your lives as well as your wedding. Too many people - not just brides, but parents, vendors, best buddies, and nosy neighbors, as well - get caught up in the myth of ‘one perfect day.’ The day will not be perfect. The wedding is a very special day, but at the end of that day you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you filled with good days, bad days, just days, milestone days, and plenty of other chances to get your way about a lot of different things. Think about the wedding, yes, and put care into it. Just don’t lose track of the rest of your life while you’re doing it.
So who else has some good advice to get one of my all-time favorite couples started on the right path to a great wedding and an even better marriage?
August 17th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
How about one that you’ve mentioned here several times:
You can’t make everyone happy. *Someone* is going to think that you should change something about the wedding because it’s what they want. Pick your battles, and keep in mind who’s milking that frog.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:24 am
This goes along with knowing what you have to work with:
Before you spend a penny, make a budget. That doesn’t mean decide how much you want to spend; that means make a spending plan. Do some research, if necessary, to find out how much various wedding vendors in your area charge. Think about which elements of your wedding are most important to you, and which areas don’t matter so much. Decide at the outset how much you’re willing to — and can — spend on each vendor/category, and you’ll be happier and much less stressed for the remainder of the planning process.
August 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
And while you’re making up lists, and you have the lists of people who will be involved, attending, assisting, and whatnot, remember, if you can please only two people:
Please the bride and groom.
Yes, the married couple is part of the community, yes, if you’re lucky, family’s an important part, onandonandonandon.
This is two people, coming together to form a family. It starts here. They should be happy. It’s more important that he’s happy than your Mom is; it’s more important that she’s happy than his sister is. It’s about the two of you, together. Yes, with any luck, it’ll be a happy occasion for everyone, all around; but if only two people are happy, in the end, it should be the bride and groom. Too often, it seems as if they definitely aren’t happy. The bride and groom need to talk to each other about what they want, about what they hope for, and what they’d like, on that day. (I’m hoping that they’ve already discussed what they’re hoping for in a life together.)