I Don’t Care About the Bouquet, I Suck at Folding Invitations, and I’m All Alone With the Seamstress ARGH!

Planning a wedding can be a lonely endeavor. Oh, you wouldn’t think so, seeing as that there are entire communities of supportive brides out there just waiting to pat you on the back for choosing to wear emerald green instead of ivory — we are very good at that here, I think — but it’s true nonetheless.

Maybe you’re the only chick in your circle of friends who’s getting hitched, and many of your closest gal pals have made it clear that they never ever want to get married. It could be that your relatives all live too far away to come to your fittings and no one else in your life seems interested in doing so. Perhaps your spouse-to-be, as wonderful as they are in other ways, is simply not enthused by the whole wedding planning thing. It may even be the other way around if you just want to get the wedding over and done with!

Whatever the circumstances, it’s not at all unusual for brides-to-be to wonder exactly why their experiences don’t seem anything like what they see on TV or what they read about in magazines. While it would be nice if all brides-to-be could have an idealized pre-nuptial experience, reality doesn’t always measure up to fantasy. The good news is that there are steps you can take to stave off loneliness and depression. Here are five:

Remember you’re probably not really alone
As isolating as planning a wedding can be (what with the fact that everyone is either deferring to you or trying to impose their will upon you) you still have friends and family that love you. So they’re not total wedding geeks like ourselves…so what? If there was a bond that brought you together before, it’s more than likely still there. There’s no getting around the fact that you may be planning your wedding on your own, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take frequent breaks to hang with your favorite people. Just tone down the wedding chit-chat — try talking about your local team’s centerfielder instead of your centerpieces.

Don’t think you have to fake it to make it
Everyone from your boss to your best friend is probably asking you whether you’re excited or nervous, and you may find yourself at a loss as to what to say. Guess what — some of us (myself included) just don’t find the notion of walking down the aisle all that frightening! You may not be feeling the ecstasy everyone expects you to, and that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel obligated to fake it to fit in or convince people in your life that you’re happy. Tell them you’re busy but happy, and that you’re looking forward to married life.

Speak up!
One thing I tried to stress in iDo is that some well-meaning people back off because they don’t want you to think they’re matrimonial meddlers. While you’re waiting for them to offer to help, they think they’re doing you the ultimate favor by not “butting in.” If you want your mom, dad, sister, brother, or friends to participate more, call them up and tell them how you feel. They may be just as relieved to know that you need them as you are to know they’re willing to lend a hand.

Give yourself the gift of a wedding-free weekend (or week!)
Planning a wedding can be overwhelming at the best of times. When it seems like you’re doing it all on your own, the burden can grow even heavier on your shoulders. A weekend or week in the context of a ten-month long engagement is nothing, so don’t hesitate to dump that load from your shoulders and treat yourself to a few days of sweet, sweet freedom. Grab your sweetie and take a two-day holiday. Work on a hobby you’ve been neglecting or take up a new one! Plan a party that has nothing to do with engagements or weddings and invite everyone you know — just be sure to tell them that you don’t want to hear the w-word.

Don’t plan a big wedding just because you think it’s what everyone wants
You want to be married, right? The rest is just trimmings…unnecessary trimmings, at all. Your intended may want the big affair that’s bumming you out, but then again, they might not! Your mom or grandma may be a little disappointed if you decided to hold a backyard barbecue instead of going to the cathedral, but they’ll get over it. Heck, they’ll get over it even if you decide to run off to the courthouse. It’ll just a take a bit longer…

Don’t forget to head over to yesterday’s post, Contests Galore, to enter to win an autographed copy of iDo!

One Response to “I Don’t Care About the Bouquet, I Suck at Folding Invitations, and I’m All Alone With the Seamstress ARGH!”

  1. Nice take on the other side of “bridal coin”. I like the idea of being yourself…..