The Bride You Aspire to Be
I read an article about keeping bridezilla at bay yesterday, and one of the tips the author offered up was “Envision and then become the bride you aspire to be.” I thought it rather odd advice, since so much of bad bridal attitude one encounters on the WE channel and Etiquette Hell seems to come from unrealistic expectations.
When it came time to plan my own wedding, I didn’t give much though to the sort of bride I’d be. I am who I am whether I’m wearing sweatpants or Spanx. But if you’ll allow me the luxury of looking back and fantasizing just a tad, this is the bride I personally would have liked to aspire to be. I don’t know anything about her, other than that she is headed to her civil ceremony in Villejuif, France in 1975. I can’t even see her face, though everything about her bearing leads me to believe that if she turned around we would all be dazzled by her beauty. She practically shouts chic!
What kind of bride do you (or did you) aspire to be? Or does the whole notion strike you as just a tad silly?
This reminds me of something I’ve been trying to figure out. When are you a bride?
For me I think I am a bride only one day, when I’m wearing that big white gown and saying those all important vows. But I kinda suspect that a lot of the classic “bridezilla” behavior and the “it’s my day” whining also comes from the idea that as soon as that rock in on your finger you’re a bride til you’re on your honeymoon.
I don’t think everyone gets that way but it’s there’s almost always the excuse, “well I say you wear this/ do this/think this because I’m the bride.”
Sorry this has turned into a random rant, just something that’s been on my mind on and off.
I think the “what kind of bride do I want to be?” question can be helpful for keeping bridezilla at bay if you think of it this way: “Do I want to be the kind of bride who expects her friends to buy $300 orange platforms they’ll never wear again?” Or, “Do I want to be the kind of bride who throws a temper tantrum over the cake having vanilla buttercream instead of French vanilla buttercream?” Planning can be stressful, especially for those of us who have zero experience in planning large-scale events, and it can become easy to get caught up in the details and think the success of the event hinges on letterpress vs. engraving.
So, I want to be the kind of bride who plans a great party for her guests. I want to be the kind of bride whose bridesmaids are happy they said “yes” to being in my wedding party. I want to be the kind of bride who treasures her relationship with her fiance and looks forward to the marriage, not just the wedding. I want to be the kind of bride who remembers that it doesn’t *really* matter whether we serve assorted breads or just breadsticks.
blablover5: I totally get what you’re saying. It’s the “But it’s my special daaaaaay” attitude that starts way before the date of that special day has even been nailed down. There are people out there who assume that they deserve certain things because they are scheduled to be married. “But I’m the briiiiiide!”
It’s a pretty weird attitude, if you ask me. I think I took wedding-related disappointments in stride — there were plenty of things I wanted that I couldn’t afford or get and that was just a fact of life. After all, I don’t get all upset in my day-to-day life because I can’t afford a pair of Manolos or a bigger house!
Melissa B: Sounds like you want to be — and no doubt will be — a down-to-earth, relaxed, happy, fun bride! I bet you won’t have to try very hard
All I want is to be the kind of bride that can relax and enjoy the day, rather than stressing and throwing hissy fits if every single detail isn’t exactly as I had envisioned.
Funny, but I never thought about the bride I wanted to be so much as the person I wanted to be.
After all, when you get right down to it, who you are is who you are, whether you’re getting married or not. I thought about how I wanted my wedding to feel, and how I wanted to feel when I looked back at the day…and that sort of naturally led to thinking a lot more in terms of making the day enjoyable rather than the precise way the napkins would match the flower arrangements which would be the basis for the bridesmaids’ hair style.
I saw the perfect illustration of this in an episode of Whose Wedding Is It, Anyway? where one bride and groom just wanted to get married and throw a good party, while another bride kept pitching fits about things not being the precise shade of purple she wanted.
The result? One couple had a great time at their own party, sharing a joyful day with friends and family. The other couple? He didn’t seem to know much of what had been planned, and she was so stressed out she didn’t seem to enjoy her purple paradise.
It just seems to me that if you’re going to throw a big party, you should definitely find a way to relax and have fun at it.
Perfect doesn’t happen. Life is more fun if you can roll with the punches a bit. Really, the next day nobody will remember that you had everything just the right shade of purple.
And you’ll still be you.
Sarah: If that’s who you are in “real life” I’m sure you’ll get your wish! After all, you’re still you!
Twistie: Too true. It’s not as if the rules for good behavior change when you’re getting married. Presumably few people throw hissy fits at their workplaces or on ig family holidays! Why wouldn’t you roll with those punches the same way you roll with them when you’re not planning a wedding?
I … wanted to be pretty? And happy? And married? I also would like to have been able to eat my dinner, but I was very young, and too excited. I would also have preferred, at the end of a very long day, if my brand-new husband hadn’t decided to chat with my sibs for, oh, the next few hours at the dog-end of the day, while I went to bed by myself. It was also a sign, had I known, but I did manage the first part(s), despite a number of things that, inevitably, went awry.