Wedding For a Cure?
Back in March, I posted a poll asking what sort of favor readers would most like to receive. Out of the 466 people who cast votes, only 8% liked charitable wedding favors best. Edible wedding favors were the definite favorite, with 38%. Everything else — from useful favors to quirky favors — hovered around 10%. Weddingish brings all of these categories together in their “In Favor of a Cure” wedding favors.
Charitable wedding favors have a long and mottled history here at Manolo for the Brides. Twistie isn’t down with them. I’m don’t mind them at all — though I’ve never encountered a truly preachy charitable favor. And your opinions run the gamut from “A charitable favor is in no way a gift for ME” to “It’s fine as long as the couple chooses an uncontroversial charity” to “I love them!”
That said, I’m not a fan of the “In Favor of a Cure” wedding favors. The pink ribbon campaign has been marred by controversy…so much so that the Think Before You Pink campaign suggests you always ask where your money is going and how much of it is actually benefiting the people who need it most to avoid getting scammed. And while a small card at each table telling guests that $X has been donated in their names is subtle, pink ribbon cookies and pink ribbon wildflower cards are anything but. Plus, I’d rather charitably-minded brides and grooms donate the full $2 one hundred times over rather than 10% of the net proceeds of a bulk batch of one hundred $2 favors.
So many companies have gotten behing the pink cure craze that you can get a pink vacuum cleaner.
I dunno, it just seems wrong to me. I lost my grandmother to breast cancer so it isn’t like it’s something I have no idea about but also working in research I know how money flows work and there is so much more politics in it that I’m still up in the air about a lot of those donations.
We decided that in lieu of favors, we would donate money to the rescue organization where we got our puppy. That seemed like a nice way to include our dog into the festivities without actually having her there. 1.5-year-old black lab plus wedding equals disaster potential, but pictures of her and a corresponding donation seemed like the perfect solution.
Plus, we figured that it solves the problem of offending some of the guests with controversial charities and dollars to errant orgs. I work for a community foundation, so I definitely believe in giving directly to a charity rather than buying a bunch of stuff so someone gets a percentage.
I have no problem with donations to animal shelters or the cancer/MS/other disease causes. Favors aren’t mandatory after all- I won’t miss them if they aren’t there (just don’t tell me you aren’t serving any food after I drove 4 hours to your ceremony and reception because you sent the money to the soup kitchen in my name). Unless Granps just died from Parkinson’s or the MoH is recovering from another round of chemo, I think a wedding should focus on being a wedding- we have so few days of unmitigated joy in our lives, can’t we savor a pure celebration for once? Some touches, like honoring an absent pet (per KTB) are fine, but if I feel like the event is primarily a pitch for your charity, it’s a detraction and reeks of being holier-than-thou.
Also, if the bride and groom are really into a cause, when someone *asks* where they are registered, they could say “oh, we are at Target and Macy’s, but we also have a softspot for donations for ….” That’s probably the best way to support the charity in question. Please don’t have it be a political or overtly religious charity, however.
Setting aside the whole “is it a good idea” question, I have to think that, aesthetically, this could be a little odd. Like it might make the tables look more like they belong at a charity fundraiser than a wedding reception.
Meg at A Practical Wedding put my views on charitable favors into much more eloquent terms than I could muster:
“I’ve worked in nonprofit fundraising for years, so I’m always on the side of giving to philanthropy (do it, do it today). That said, somehow this smacks of “you have to spend $XX on favors or you are a poor host, so if you are not buying favors at least give that money to charity.” You DON’T have to spend money on favors, so this is silly. If you want to start your married life with charity (tzedaka for the Jews in the house) that’s a great idea! Do it in your own names. And don’t put it as a line item on the wedding budget.” (http://www.apracticalwedding.com/2008/05/wedding-budget-wednesday-favor.html)
I like the idea of charitable favors if the charity is related somehow to the couple (a research donation for a family member who passed away of an illness, donations to gay rights organizations for same sex couples, or KTB’s animal shelter donation) because that’s really personal. But if a couple who isn’t normally passionate about a cause decides they’re going to give 50 cents per guest to some random charity so they can count it as “wedding favors,” I’m with Meg and SusanC — it’s distracting and somewhat strange.
NTB, I’m with you. I don’t even like the phrase “Favor of a cure.” What? Because the rest of us are Against a Cure? Sheesh. I read an interview with Emma Thompson in which the writer raved because Thompson had — hold your breath — come out against slavery. Now that’s taking a stand.
blablover5: That’s why I try to give directly to organizations that use my donation in ways I support. I’d much rather do that than buy a pink vacuum!
KTB: What a sweet idea!
SusanC: I thought about that — some donations or tributes definitely add a touch of sorrow to an otherwise joyful day. For some people, I think, that sorrow is part of the overall sweetness. I also think that my family would have thought it odd if I had introduced Parkinsons (which my grandfather had and died from) into the wedding day celebrations, but that’s just them.
daisyj: It does look like a case of going a tad overboard with a theme. Pink Ribbon weddings?
Melissa B.: Good point. If you’re openly passionate about a cause, then it won’t surprise people to see evidence of that at your reception. If you’re not but you want to have that connection, perhaps a charitable registry would be the better way to go.
class-factotum: Wow…just wow. I’m against savage nun beatings. When will they call me for an interview?
NTB — I should clarify — Thompson spoke out against white slavery/sex trafficking. But still — was she the lone voice against the crowd that was screaming in favor of families selling their young daughters into prostitution?
I saw a sign in the local food coop years ago that said, “Against Rape.” Ah. Because that pro-rape lobby is getting stronger every day.
You are cracking me up. I wish the pro-rape stores would put up signs so I’d know NOT to shop there, class-factotum!
Good to see some common sense prevails, at least in this crowd, and thanks to all for emphasizing how silly it can seem to preach to the choir in favoring the obvious. Sorry to pick the disease your grandfather died from, NTB.
I’m slighly amused by the pink vacuum cleaner- was the tagline- “Breast Cancer Sucks and so do we?”
So here’s my charitable cause: I’m against multi-hour work meetings. Donations can be made in the form of extra-strong cups of tea or coffee.