Nipple No Shows

Nipples. We all have them (I think). Those who have the smaller, less functional sort are typically very interested in seeing the equipment of those who have the potentially nourishing kind. The latest nipple-related contact I’ve received in my inbox — does that sound bad? — is from Yournipplecovers.com, where brides-to-be can buy everything from disposable nipple covers to silicon nipple covers to “bra disks.”

nipple_covers

Putting aside for the moment the fact that it looks like the headlights in the bottom row are covered in wadded up chewing gum and the fact that most of the nipple covers seem to come in a convenient flesh tone that is only convenient for a certain brand of caucasians, I have to ask: How big of a problem is this?

Is it a problem that warrants an entire web site selling multiple sizes and brands and types of nipple coverage to brides and non-brides alike? Is it a problem that warrants PR firms reaching out to wedding bloggers like me to let me know that there are new and improved forms of gumdrop shields out there on the market?

As for me, I think Nippies are the cuter option, but I’d probably just use band-aids.

11 Responses to “Nipple No Shows”

  1. Toni November 25, 2008 at 10:17 am #

    My feeling is that if a dress is thin enough where you’ll “poke through” then these things will probably show through as well. I had a friend wear them under a satin wedding dress, and you could see the outlines of the “petals.” Besides, I don’t care how skimpy your dress is, there is some way to sew support into it. I’m a dancer, and I’ve cut up and re-sewn many a strapless bra into my dance attire.

  2. Linda November 25, 2008 at 10:36 am #

    I think a lot of girls don’t wear a bra and are afraid of the headlight problem. I personally don’t care. But I think they want you to care so many people do. Effective advertising if you ask me.

  3. Gerta November 25, 2008 at 10:51 am #

    Apparently the nipple covers not only mask your nipples, but also make your nose disappear.

  4. P November 25, 2008 at 11:04 am #

    Eh, I have a couple of tops and dresses that come with “built-in bras” for support, but aren’t sufficiently lined. I’m not so much afraid of the headlight problem, but would really prefer people to *not* see my nipples, especially at work or family functions. Maybe I just have huge nips or something, but they definitely show through, but the petals don’t. I don’t wear unlined bras for this reason.

  5. Twistie November 25, 2008 at 11:49 am #

    This question may not have entered into my reasoning in designing the gown I did, but I have to say if you’ve got a gown with lots of little rows of ruching across the boobular area, you don’t have to come up with a way to hide the fact that nipples can get perky at the most inconvenient times.

    I’m just saying.

    If I’d had a smooth-bodiced gown and a fear of nipple showage, though, I’d have gone on a hunt for a real bra to deal with the question. I don’t know about any of you, but I don’t want anything glued to my nips…and I really wouldn’t have wanted that on my wedding night. Boob band aids are just the sort of concept that make Mr. Twistie squeamish, and that wouldn’t have led to much fun.

  6. Never teh Bride November 25, 2008 at 12:17 pm #

    Toni: Darn right! Any seamstress worth her salt should be able to sew in a panel so those who can go braless are free to do so without fear of “lighting up the room.”

    Linda: Ah, the old ‘created problem.’ I vaguely remember that everyone in the 80s was cursed with static cling and ring around the collar…I guess science has solved these problems because I haven’t heard a peep about them lately. Perhaps the nipple problem will also fade away in a decade or so?

    Gerta: It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!

    P: I always wear lined bras, but it’s because they last so much longer than the ones that just have a single piece of fabric. I also don’t think I have any shirts that are thin enough to show off my turkey timers (had to say it with Thanksgiving almost here).

    Twistie: You had fun on your wedding night?! The Beard and I just fell asleep!! I’m with you — if I need that kind of coverage, I’m going to go the distance with a bra. I’m envious of those gals who get by without them, but I’m practical enough to know that I’m not one of those gals.

  7. Angela November 25, 2008 at 12:30 pm #

    I remember for prom I just took an old bra and cut off the straps and band and taped it to myself with duct tape to get away with a strapless, backless dress. I actually went out and bought an expensive long-line backless bra, but you could see all the boning and wires. I looked like I was possibly a robot impersonating an awkward teenager…

    Duct tape does not make a good bra. It stayed in place all night, though!

  8. TeleriB November 25, 2008 at 3:37 pm #

    I’m in the same boat as you, P. Even with shaped, foam-cup bras and thick shirts, I can still show through. They are Mighty Nips! At this point, I’m just throwing up my arms and saying C’est la vie. It’s not like it’s a surprise that I’ve got them.

  9. La Petite Acadienne November 25, 2008 at 4:12 pm #

    Yeah, it’s pretty ironic. The day on which you want to look all smooth and uplifted is the day that you’re wearing a garment that does not allow for the undergarments that provide the smoothing and the uplifting. It’s a conspiracy, methinks.

    I solved my problem by wearing a gown that had embroidery in the front and corset-style lacing in the back. Those puppies were effectively locked in and weren’t going anywhere. (I do wish I’d bought a gown with sleeves, though….looking at the pictures, sleeveless was not a wise choice.)

  10. La BellaDonna December 1, 2008 at 8:07 pm #

    There are many, many stitchery options available, as long as one is not getting married braless in a Hanes white t-shirt! Even standard bras can be hacked apart, not to mention the temporary duct-tape uplift bra mentioned above (HINT: run the adhesive side over something slightly fuzzy first, to slightly reduce the stickiness. Much kinder to your boobs!). Bra cups can be lined and layered, and the dress itself may have possibilties for camouflage.

    I will say it now, however: There’s an extraordinary dearth of imagination amongst wedding dress designers, going back at least five years. They could be doing better.

  11. snow June 24, 2009 at 11:52 pm #

    my nipples protrude SO bad, I’d like to jump off a bridge!! seriously. i hate it THAT bad!!