I will say it now, however: There’s an extraordinary dearth of imagination amongst wedding dress designers, going back at least five years. They could be doing better.

I solved my problem by wearing a gown that had embroidery in the front and corset-style lacing in the back. Those puppies were effectively locked in and weren’t going anywhere. (I do wish I’d bought a gown with sleeves, though….looking at the pictures, sleeveless was not a wise choice.)

Duct tape does not make a good bra. It stayed in place all night, though!

Linda: Ah, the old ‘created problem.’ I vaguely remember that everyone in the 80s was cursed with static cling and ring around the collar…I guess science has solved these problems because I haven’t heard a peep about them lately. Perhaps the nipple problem will also fade away in a decade or so?

Gerta: It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!

P: I always wear lined bras, but it’s because they last so much longer than the ones that just have a single piece of fabric. I also don’t think I have any shirts that are thin enough to show off my turkey timers (had to say it with Thanksgiving almost here).

Twistie: You had fun on your wedding night?! The Beard and I just fell asleep!! I’m with you — if I need that kind of coverage, I’m going to go the distance with a bra. I’m envious of those gals who get by without them, but I’m practical enough to know that I’m not one of those gals.

I’m just saying.

If I’d had a smooth-bodiced gown and a fear of nipple showage, though, I’d have gone on a hunt for a real bra to deal with the question. I don’t know about any of you, but I don’t want anything glued to my nips…and I really wouldn’t have wanted that on my wedding night. Boob band aids are just the sort of concept that make Mr. Twistie squeamish, and that wouldn’t have led to much fun.