I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most brides and grooms have shared a kiss (and possibly a whole lot more) before their weddings. With cohabitation going mainstream and s-e-x all over the p-l-a-c-e, the wedding of Melody LaLuz and Claudaniel Fabien is definitely unusual.
Melody and Claudaniel teach abstinence in the Chicago public school system and apparently practice what they preach. Prior to saying “I do,” the couple had never once locked lips. In fact, they’d never even been alone together in a house!
Their first kiss — begun only after their wedding officiant gave his permission — lasted a full two minutes and was punctuated by the stamping and hooting of onlookers.
“It feels like such a gift,” said Melody. “When you value a kiss, it becomes something of worth.”
The couple will leave for a honeymoon in the Bahamas today, but planned to stay in Chicago on Saturday night.
“We got business to take care of tonight,” her husband said, doing a little dance in his white suit while his new bride giggled.
Um, ew? I’m all for waiting if that’s your thing — in fact, it rocks that you’re so dedicated to your convictions! — but there’s something kind of creepy about the new groom alluding to the evening’s bedroom antics in a newspaper article. It makes me wonder if he announced at the reception that he and his new bride would be unavailable because they’d be “getting jiggy with it” from 8-10 p.m.
I, too, am all for living your convictions. If they felt it was important to not even kiss before their wedding, then more power to them.
On the other hand, two full minutes? Followed by discussion with reporters about their upcoming sex life?
Oh dear.
And yes, Claudaniel, our first married kiss was special even though we’d kissed before and even though we didn’t give the crowd a two-minute demonstration of tonsil hockey techniques. In fact, it was enthusiastic yet unembarrassing.
I wonder if that’s something that takes practice.
Nah. I think these two are just kind of Klassy.
There was a bride on Weddingbee who did the same thing. I think they had been alone together but I think their first kiss was on their wedding day. Our first married kiss was special because it was the first time we kissed as a married couple.
I dunno, but what bothers me most is that these two are abstinance teachers. I am not a fan of the idea that you should only teach kids that they shouldn’t be doing anything and pretend that the past was a great time.
It’s delusional as hell and dangerous. I’ve heard of people going so far as to tell teenagers that they shouldn’t even kiss till married and really expect that from purity pledges and the like. If some really believe it and want to do it fine for them, but expecting all to do it (and being in charge of teaching kids that with federal funding) is just wrong.
I am so with you, Blablover5. It’s great for this couple that they stuck to their convictions and found their wedding day so meaningful, but the idea that they’re teaching abstinence-only sex ed in public schools bugs me.
Personally speaking, I think high school is too young to have sex, and I plan to tell my kids that. But abstinence-only education policies are utterly unrealistic, and studies by groups such as the Guttmacher Institute have consistently demonstrated that students in abstinence-only sex education programs have a higher rate of teenage pregnancy and STDs than students in comprehensive sex ed programs. The idea that abstinence programs receive federal funding really boils my blood.
Twistie & Linda, I completely agree. I couldn’t care less what these two do in private, but two minutes seems … excessive. I am so annoyed by the idea that things aren’t special unless it’s the first time. You know what? EVERY TIME I kiss my husband is special. EVERY TIME we make love. EVERY TIME we hold hands. Regardless of how many times we’ve done it before, or what else we’ve done in the mean time.
Wait til marriage, don’t wait til marriage, whatever. As long as I don’t have to hear about it, it’s fine by me.
That was an amazing post, and it earned you a new RSS subscriber. Keep up the good work!
Wow, I feel a little sheepish posting this seeing the reactions it’s earned, but yeah… my fiance and I have never kissed. Our first kiss will be in 10 days at our wedding. I’m proud of it personally, but I hear all of this “oh, that’s great, but…” and I wonder whether people think that I’m crazy.
KES, I feel very sure you and your intended don’t plan to force your guests to watch two minutes(!) worth of first kiss and then give interviews to the press.
How you and he conduct your intimate life is between the two of you. As long as you and he are happy (and behaving yourselves with a modicum of decorum), nobody writing this blog would dream of calling you crazy or telling you that you’re doing it wrong.
Unusual? Yes. Wrong? No.
Hmmmm….. the article states with CD promising to respect Melody’s vow.
To me, that reads that he wasn’t exactly practicing what he preached until he met Melody…..
Twistie: I planned a little peck, but The Beard had other ideas. I’m not saying we kissed for two minutes — far from it — but I was definitely caught off guard by the smooch I did get! We did not, however, let the world know how we planned to spend our wedding night. I’ll tell you now how we did spend it, though: Eating leftover wedding cake and watching CSI: NY! HOT STUFF, RIGHT?
Linda: Darn right it was! For some people, not doing something makes finally doing it more special. For others, that something, whatever it is, is special no matter what.
blablover5 and Melissa B.: Good catch. I didn’t even notice that it was the public school system. Studies have shown that abstinence programs do very little outside of pretty much guaranteeing that high school kids eventually experiment with unprotected pre-marital sex. I personally wouldn’t want my property taxes going to that kind of thing.
Kate: PREACH IT!
MissPinkKate: You know, that’s for the best. Especially, I think, when it comes to the bedroom.
KES: More power to you! If that’s what was right for you and your spouse-to-be, you shouldn’t worry about what anyone will think about it. Your choice might not be the norm, but I don’t see that anyone could find anything to criticize about it. If they do, maybe they are a little crazy 😉
HurricaneDeck: I actually got the impression that both of them had histories, but had decided that they would now proceed thusly.
I’m trying this again: I don’t want this particular posting sucked out of existence because the Spam Filter reads it as duplicative.
After a whole lot of years going under the bridge, I find that I’m really not enthusiastic about the bride and groom refraining from physical intimacy before the wedding. I don’t have any particular problem with one’s first experience being with the person one marries – but I DO have some objections to the marriage coming before physical intimacy, oddly enough.
Sexual compatibility is, IMO, important in a marriage – sometimes it’s really REALLY important. For a lot of men, sex is the physical manifestation of the love in the relationship; many women often accept other forms of care as demonstrations/manifestations of the love in a relationship. The real downside to celibacy before marriage is that quite often, women find that the men who have been so considerate and respectful actually are either gay, or have low or no no sex drives, which the women did NOT bargain for nor want. The men may also find a downside – I personally know two men who waited, at the request of the brides-to-be, only to find out after the wedding that the brides in question had no interest in EVER consummating their marriages.
Mind you, I’m not saying that a high-sex, low-sex, or no-sex marriage is the only way to go here; my caution is that I think it’s highly preferable that the bride and groom have a chance to discover if their ideas as to how much and what kind of sex match. Some couples can manage very nicely with a no-sex marriage; some couples can scrape along with a high-low pairup; some scrape along with a high-low pairup with one member of the couple being very, very unhappy.
I think it’s better to talk frankly to young people about some really good reasons to refrain from sex while in high school because of the complications it can bring in its wake in any relationship: makes them more complicated, the hazards of pregnancy, STDs, etc. Once that’s discussed, I think it’s vital to discuss forms of birth control and personal protection, because while sex in high school may not be a great idea, pregnancy and STDs are the WORST ideas in high school.
I also think young men should be educated to keep and use THEIR OWN CONDOMS. I don’t think there’s anything like enough emphasis on warning them that virtually any time they have sex with a woman, they run the chance of a lifetime of legally mandated childsupport payments, whether or not they marry the woman, and that they shouldn’t necessarily trust in the other partner’s birth control method working efficiently – or being in place at all.
NtB: I have a post on this that I’d really really REALLY like to see entered here, because I think it’s important.
That said, your Entry Reader has decided it’s duplicative; is there some way we can work around that to get it posted? Thanks very much.
La BellaDonna: Ah, the oddities of WordPress. If it still won’t let you post, e-mail me the comment (never.teh.bride at gmail) and I can post it under your name. Sorry about that — that erroneous duplicate message pops up on me sometimes, as well.
Good for you KES. I agree with NTB, don’t worry about what people think. My husband and I did kiss once we were engaged, but we waited for everything else until after we were married. We truly believe it was the best decision for our marriage, even though it was HARD to do. I think it would have been really awkward for us if our first kiss had been in front of an audience though. And any conversations about it were with each other or close friends, not reporters!
As far as abstinence only education, I believe in the benefits of abstinence before marriage, and I talk openly with HS girls I mentor about my experience. But I don’t believe it should be the only thing taught, especially in schools. If we simply taught our kids to never walk across the street because cars are dangerous, some of them would daringly cross without looking because we never taught them how to be safe. It’s important to educate teens about all their options so they make informed choices.
just as a disclaimer… my fiance and I have been able to figure out the whole sexual compatibility thing without kissing or having sex, amazingly. Not doing the activity doesn’t mean that you don’t get the urges. 🙂
Exactly KES. You have to REALLY want to wait in order to make it.
Personally I think you’re all jealous that she got a kiss on her wedding day that lasted 2 minutes! Good for them! Most wedding kisses are awkward and short and after all the work that goes into not only a wedding but into sticking to their convictions more power too them and I bet they kiss every single day now for the rest of their lives =D
You know, Motherofthebride, I’m not jealous of failing to be part of such an embarrassing display. Sticking to convictions is highly laudable, and I would never try to change the minds of a couple that wanted to wait for marriage, whether it be to cohabit, have sex, or kiss.
What I find appalling is that on getting to that point, they decided to toss all decorum and taste to the four winds in a public display that would most certainly frighten the horses. My convictions happen to include one about long tonsil hockey sessions being most appropriate for private times. They also include one about not making a huge public display about my sex life.
BTW, Mr. Twistie and I do kiss every day…usually multiple times. Choose to wait, choose not to wait, that’s up to the couple involved. I will say, however, that kissing before marriage does not automatically lead to never kissing again, anymore than choosing to wait automatically ensures a life of sexual incompatibility.
Oh, and I don’t know what weddings you’ve been going to, but in more than forty years of weddings I’ve seen very few awkward first kisses. A couple yes, but hardly the majority.
You know, I’d be willing to bet money that I’ll get a kiss on my wedding day that lasts two minutes or more. The difference is that I’ll get mine in private!
A few thoughts … I don’t think that having a satisfying sex life in the long term hinges on whether or not you have sex before the wedding. I really think it depends more on whether or not the spouses are able to communicate with each other about sex. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the couple waited for the wedding night, and my friend said that her pastor put a lot of emphasis in premarital counseling on the fact that sex would be an important part of the marriage and they needed to feel comfortable talking about it with each other. This is just as important for couples who don’t wait, because having sex before marriage isn’t a guarantee of lifetime sexual compatibility (and I say this as someone living with my fiance!). Sex drives and desires change over time, and to be successful in the long term I think a couple needs to be able to talk about those changes.