Bride Sitting on Jury Trading Lustful Glances With the Defendant

Weird wedding photographs

What better way to begin a week of wedding planning than with a laugh? The recently engaged Kristina sent me a link to a McSweeney’s piece by Frank Ferri entitled “MY IDEAS FOR STAGED PHOTOS SET ME APART FROM OTHER WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHERS.” They certainly do, Mr. Ferri! Oh, the list starts out normal enough, with wedding portraits involving sweet embraces and the setting sun, but the ideas quickly devolve into hilarity territory. Here’s a sampling:

Groom sitting at a faux witness stand, on trial for cadaver trafficking. Someone from wedding party wearing a black robe, holding a gavel, and sitting on a dais. Ethnically diverse guests in the jury box. Bride sitting on jury trading lustful glances with the defendant.

Bride and groom each kneeling on one knee and pressing up against each other back to back. Each is holding a soccer ball, as both are captains of their respective high-school teams and it’s picture day. They’re smiling because their teams made states, though both lost in the semifinals. Still, it was a good year, considering neither team made the playoffs the previous three years.

Bride in a slowly deflating hovercraft. A wrecked Jet Ski floats beside it to simulate the moments after a collision. Groom was driving without insurance and the accident is his fault. Bride angrily flailing her arms. Groom in water, raising his hands forward in the air as if to say, “Calm down, we can work something out—just don’t get the police involved.”

Tall, dark, and handsome best man behind a bush with the bride, getting it on. Hands are all over each other. Bride’s expensive hairdo ruined by passionate foreplay. The two appear to have a history together, or pent-up desire for each other that could never be expressed because of the groom’s feelings. Groom peering angrily through bush with expression that says, “My new wife is cheating on me on our wedding day with my best man and I don’t care for it.”

How’s that for a little creative wedding photography inspiration?

Image via David Howard Photography

5 Responses to “Bride Sitting on Jury Trading Lustful Glances With the Defendant”

  1. Crystal says:

    A wedding photo of me and the best man making out – SO DISAPPOINTED that I didn’t get that one. Wouldn’t that have been a fun addition to the wedding album. Imagine going through the album years later and laughing over it with your children and grandchildren…..

    I think NOT!! LOL

  2. kelly says:

    Hmmm. That might make for some interesting pictures in your album.

  3. Twistie says:

    Well…it’s, um, creative, I guess. Not quite sure how you’d get across some of the more esoteric aspects of these scenarios in a single photo. For instance, in a court of law it’s rare to see precisely what the defendant is accused of, particularly with a charge like ‘cadaver trafficking.’ And the one of the bride and best man making out is just so far beyond tasteless I can’t even imagine anyone choosing it.

    On the other hand, the best picture of Mr. Twistie and me in our wedding album was only half planned. Our photographer loved the matching round sunglasses we both had on while we were setting up and asked to take a picture of us wearing them in our wedding finery. Mr. Twistie and I thought that was a cool idea and went one further by taking up our most stiff-necked Victorian poses, which the photographer thought was hilarious and cool. Best of all, though, was a complete accident. A trick of light through the camera lens produced rays of freaky, rainbow lights shooting off from the specs.

    We call it ‘American Gothic With Melting Shades.’ It’s my favorite photo ever of either one of us.

  4. Roya says:

    Typical McSweeney’s idiotic piece, 99% of it has that sort of I’m so clever every stupid brain fart I have is worthy of printing on high quality paper. But then they have Michael Chabon and William Vollman…

    but I kind of like the crooked juror one