What better way to begin a week of wedding planning than with a laugh? The recently engaged Kristina sent me a link to a McSweeney’s piece by Frank Ferri entitled “MY IDEAS FOR STAGED PHOTOS SET ME APART FROM OTHER WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHERS.” They certainly do, Mr. Ferri! Oh, the list starts out normal enough, with wedding portraits involving sweet embraces and the setting sun, but the ideas quickly devolve into hilarity territory. Here’s a sampling:
Groom sitting at a faux witness stand, on trial for cadaver trafficking. Someone from wedding party wearing a black robe, holding a gavel, and sitting on a dais. Ethnically diverse guests in the jury box. Bride sitting on jury trading lustful glances with the defendant.
Bride and groom each kneeling on one knee and pressing up against each other back to back. Each is holding a soccer ball, as both are captains of their respective high-school teams and it’s picture day. They’re smiling because their teams made states, though both lost in the semifinals. Still, it was a good year, considering neither team made the playoffs the previous three years.
Bride in a slowly deflating hovercraft. A wrecked Jet Ski floats beside it to simulate the moments after a collision. Groom was driving without insurance and the accident is his fault. Bride angrily flailing her arms. Groom in water, raising his hands forward in the air as if to say, “Calm down, we can work something out—just don’t get the police involved.”
Tall, dark, and handsome best man behind a bush with the bride, getting it on. Hands are all over each other. Bride’s expensive hairdo ruined by passionate foreplay. The two appear to have a history together, or pent-up desire for each other that could never be expressed because of the groom’s feelings. Groom peering angrily through bush with expression that says, “My new wife is cheating on me on our wedding day with my best man and I don’t care for it.”
How’s that for a little creative wedding photography inspiration?
Image via David Howard Photography
and you came back at me with some fourteen captions for it. Well done, my friends.
