Whether or not to include children in your wedding party and/or guest list is a purely personal decision. I want to make it very clear that if you choose not to include kids, I’m not going to make any sort of attempt to change your mind. Make your day adult, and have a great time with it.
If, however, you’ve decided to include children in your celebration, whether as guests or as participants, there are a few things you may want to consider in making your plans. After all, you want them to have a good time…and you want their parents to have a good time, too.
Don’t panic. It really isn’t that hard to do. If you follow a few simple tips, even your youngest guests and attendants will remember your day fondly.
Comfort Keeps Kids Happy. Try to choose outfits for your flower girl/ring bearer or other very young attendants with comfort in mind. If the fabric feels stiff or the seams scratch, keep looking no matter how much you love the look. After all, you don’t want to have little children scratching and trying to claw off uncomfortable clothes during the ceremony.
That also means thinking about things like whether a lower kid’s table with smaller chairs is in order at the reception, or whether you need to make sure there’s a changing station available for kids who aren’t yet potty trained. Consider asking your caterer about a kid’s meal with foods little ones are more likely to be familiar with and willing to eat.
If the kids get too uncomfortable, not only will they have a lousy time, so will the people around them. Keep ’em comfy, and that will go a long way to keeping everyone happy.
Keep Kids Entertained. There are few more destructive forces in nature than a bored small child. Consider keeping your ceremony on the short side and make sure there’s something for little ones to do at the reception that doesn’t involve tugging on mommy’s skirt and whining for attention. It doesn’t even have to be elaborate. Plenty of kids are more than entertained by having a dance floor to slide across. If you aren’t having dancing or are concerned they might need more, then consider adding a table with paper and crayons or some simple toys and games. Or you could take it to eleven and hire a story teller or puppeteer.
Having a child minder of some sort available can also give mom and dad a welcome break that allows them to enjoy the party in a more adult way.
Keep Flexible. Small attendants may be going along just fine until the big moment comes. I’ve been to more than one wedding where a ring bearer or flower girl gave way to stage fright at the last moment. Whether the moment passes quietly or winds up defining the entire event in an unfortunate way in peoples’ minds depends on how you handle the challenge.
Be kind to tiny egos. If a flower girl or ring bearer just can’t handle the spotlight at the last moment, ask them if they want to simply attend as guests. Let them know you’re not mad at them and still love them, then allow them to make the decision for themselves. Some will find the confidence, some won’t. Be okay with whichever decision they make.
Keep Your Sense of Humor Close at Hand. Young children can be unpredictable. It may be that your flower girl gets to the alter and spends the entire ceremony picking at her dress or waving at her mommy. The ring bearer may entertain himself by playing catch with the pillow or suddenly announce his need for the bathroom for everyone to hear.
There’s really nothing you can do to change it, so just do your best to see the funny side.
Keep in Mind That These Are Your Guests. Treat them with the same respect and graciousness as you treat your adult guests. Thank them for coming, listen to what they have to say, and be sincere with them. After all, you’ve invited them because they are important either to you or your true love.
If you pay attention to their comfort the way you would anyone else’s, chances are kids will have a great time at your wedding and remember the day happily.
We had a “play area” with toys, games, a TV with cartoons, and blankets in a side area at our reception. It was a huge hit with the really young kids, though all the girls between the age of 5 and 15 basically just trailed me the entire evening, playing with my wedding dress.
We wanted people to be able to bring their children, but we didn’t want a crying or screaming child to interrupt our video, especially knowing some of the guests don’t have much control over their kids. We had a babysitter indoors during the outdoor ceremony. This was especially helpful for the married couple that was in our wedding and unsure what they’d do with their daughter. For the reception we didn’t have assigned seating and there was lots of fun things to look at in the garden. It was a great setting for kids.
And for the adults who may not know exactly what constitutes “comfort” in clothing for little girls: those poufy, full, gathered skirts (frequently with net stitched into them to keep them poufy) are unbelievably itchy and uncomfortable if there is nothing covering the waistline seam where all those scratchy gathers … gather. It’s been a few decades, and I still remember a dress like that. I had welts at my waistline.
You don’t have to give up the cute dress for your flower girl; just examine the inside of the dress, make sure there’s seam binding (it’s like ribbon) is stitched over the gathers at the waistline, so that the gathers don’t scratch. If you love the dress and the gathers aren’t covered, it’s easy enough to sew a layer – or even two – of ribbon or fabric over the gathers to cover them.
Toni, it sounds like you took good care of the younger guests at your wedding. And truly, there is little to entertain the average young girl like a grownup in a really spectacular dress!
Diana, we had an outdoor wedding and it was great for the kids. There was plenty of room to run around, and some of the boys had fun exploring the small creek that ran through the area. One girl about ten or so started a game of ring around a rosy for the tinies. It’s one of my favorite shots in our wedding album.
Excellent tip, La Bella Donna! Many little girls love wearing poofy dresses as much as adults love putting them into poofy dresses, but construction makes the difference between feeling like a princess and feeling like you’re being attacked by stinging ants.
i remember one wedding were i worked as a waitress at where they gave thae children a present of an action figure each. By the end of the night each of those action figures had been dismantled and we were finding pieces everywhere.
All of the little kids at my wedding ended up changing into swimsuits and jumping in the water, which made for an interesting mix of wet tykes and dresses up adults under the wedding tent. I actually wish I’d told everyone to bring swimsuits and that I’d brought one myself. The kids had the right idea, and I was glad that they got the chance to swim!
La BellaDonna: Can I just say I still hate gathers like that? And some clothing makers reinforce their seams with this sort of scratchy elastic? Ugh. Then again, I also cut all the tags out of my clothing because they drive me nuts. Sensitive skin, I suppose.
NtB, you’re not the only one who cuts out the tags! I do, too. I have a special hate for the papery kind that’s about four inches long and has instructions in 47 languages on it. Haaaate! And I know you and I are not the only ones who resent paying good money for clothing that ambushes us. Stiletto heels, corsets – these are garments where you expect the possibility of a modicum of discomfort. But those nasty scratchy gathers, that rotten elastic – I had better REALLY love that garment. And there had better be a way for me to work around what the manufacturer did, or that garment is going back to the store, regardless of Teh Love.
I suggest having a separate “Kids” playroom if possible and hiring a teen relative/friend to play guardian for the night (for a small fee of course). A friend of mine did this and it worked out beautifully. Just make sure to ask someone that most of your guests would trust with their children…..!