Recessionista Bride? Or Welfare Bride?
It’s that time again, by which I mean the earth has circled the sun just enough times to make people think once again that asking strangers to pay for their weddings is an original and inspired idea. As I said back in 2006, “The idea is not new, of course. Michael Palmer and Kristi Laurita created the now defunct www.weddingbills.com. Someone named Cynthia created www.payforcynthiaswedding.com in an effort to raise $25,000. And CyberBeg and DonateMoney2Me remain as active as ever.”
Some of these sites offer advertising space in exchange for contributions to a wedding fund, while others — like the new Help Me Pay For My Wedding — merely make a grab for the cash necessary to pay for a larger or more luxurious wedding.
The nameless Broke Bride-to-Be has this to say on her relatively new blog:
I have almost no money saved for my wedding. Why do I have nothing saved? Well, because the proposal was a surprise for one thing. For another, I’ve spent the past year paying off all my debt – an accomplishment I’m quite proud of, thankyouverymuch. I admit it. I spent like a maniac on things I shouldn’t have. Which is why my hair is now my natural color and I’m in last season’s jeans. The itch to spend is coming back in a big way with these wedding plans, and that is why I’m planning ahead of time to stay OUT of debt. Hence, helpmepayformywedding. If you want.
Do I know that asking for money is a bit “tacky” as so many of have called it…. yes. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. And it’s not as if I’ll announce to my guests that I solicited donations to pay for their bacon wrapped scallops. Give me some credit, people.
I want to give Broke Bride-to-Be credit about as much as I want to give her a donation. My take is and always will be that asking for donations from strangers to pay for a wedding is tres skeevy. I don’t go up to strangers to ask for money to upgrade from drip coffee to lattes or to buy those cute shoes that are just out of my price range, so it stands to reason I wouldn’t call upon strangers to foot the bill for the wedding I want but simply cannot afford. But maybe I’m alone in thinking this way… maybe soliciting donations to pay for a wedding is the new normal in these tough economic times. You tell me:
(Note: WordPress decided to randomly delete a bunch of previously approved comments on multiple posts. If like Zette and others, you don’t see your recent comments, we’d appreciate it if you repost them so we can keep the conversation going. Sorry about that!)
I guess times are not so desperate that she and her fiance would just host the wedding they could afford. Or go to the JP.
I deplore this trend of internet begging because you can’t afford the wedding you think you “deserve.” I put that in quotes because big fancy weddings are a luxury, not a birthright. All it takes to get hitched is an officiant, a couple of witnesses and your partner. Everything else is just window dressing.
I have a funny feeling that it’s a hoax. She’s just playing the stupid card one to many times.
Two things bugged me about her blog when I ran across it last week. 1) She hasn’t done ANY research on what a wedding will actually cost her. Some event planners e-mailed her and told her the “average” budget of their weddings is $35k, so she’s convinced that’s how much she needs for a “good” wedding. A bit of blog searching would have led her to several awesome, stylish brides planning on much less than $35k! (www.thebrokeassbride.com anyone?) 2) This whole thing seems to be motivated by fear that people will say nasty things about her wedding afterwards unless she throws herself on the mercy of the Internet and raises enough to throw a lavish celebration that no one could possibly criticize. That’s not healthy — actually, it’s kind of sad. If you spend your entire wedding planning process fretting about whether your wedding will be “good enough” to please crabby Cousin Dwight or your catty co-worker Angela, both of whom hate everything anyway, you’re going to end up a puddle of stress and misery.
This is just stupid. She’s in “last season’s jeans”? Oh, the horror! If she hasn’t saved for her wedding and just got out of debt, perhaps she should reevaluate what kind of wedding she should have. You don’t need to spend a fortune on a wedding–you don’t NEED an expensive dress or the perfect flowers. Oh, or bacon wrapped scallops. WTF? If you can’t pay for it, have a picnic. And oh, the proposal was a surprise? Then what’s the hurry to have a big, expensive wedding?
I think she should hang out on a variety of bridal blogs and grow some creativity. Even if you’re not “offbeat”, there’s a lot to be learned on offbeatbride.com.
Also, what’s with this “wah wah help me” tone? If you want perfect strangers to give you money, you need a plan. If I was attempting this, my introduction would sound more like a grant application than an ignorant and immature cry for money.
Now I don’t usually sound off like this, but as a person who’s trying to plan a lovely wedding for the least amount of money possible, this really hits home.
Unfortunately I couldn’t vote for both “Tacky” and “Immature”. It’s Tacky if she realizes it’s wrong and does it anyway. It’s Immature if she “just wants what she wants” and thinks everyone else should take care of it.
Either way, she gets no sympathy or cash from me. It’s all about the choices you make – is it more important to have a 7 piece band at the reception or to have filet mignon plated service? Or start your married life self-sufficient and debt-free?
I’ve been reading Broke Ass Bride’s blog since she started writing it. I think I remember that post about asking for $, but she has no donation button on her site. Many blogger brides have gotten free or discounted services from vendors and I think BAB has benefited from that. I don’t think BAB’s site is all about pay for my wedding. I think she shares what she finds with the larger community and gets other brides talking about how to save money.
Eep! Linda and everyone else, I didn’t mean to imply that The Broke-Ass Bride was a fundraising website, I’m horribly sorry to her if it came across that way! I’m a longtime reader of her blog, and I was trying to put her forth as an example of a bride who uses creativity, spirit, and smarts to put together her dream wedding on a limited budget. The “Help Me” girl could learn a lot from The Broke-Ass Bride IMHO.
I have been to a wedding at a country club with a full seated dinner for two hundred and a live band, and I have been to one in the church social hall with platters from Costco and a cousin’s karaoke machine. Both couples were just as married, and they both seemed just as happy about it.
There’s nothing wrong with spending the money if you have it, but there’s something very wrong with trying to spend money you don’t have.
Last season’s jeans?? Oh, the horror! As I sit here wearing boots that are about nine years old, and a dress that I’ve been wearing for three years – goodness knows how many years the original owner wore it – ditto for my pre-owned coat, and my four-year-old hat.
Yet, oddly enough, I’m not sitting outside the 7-11 with a paper cup and a sign around my neck reading “Must buy new clothes – please help!” . Begging for money for your wedding is tacky. Cut your coat to suit your cloth: if you have only a little money, you have a little wedding. How hard was that?
This brings to mind this SNL sketch: Don’t Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford. Maybe they’re targeting a slightly different problem than the one this broke bride seems to have, but methinks the lesson still applies.
Natural haircolor and last season’s jeans are a hardship?
I don’t like to glamorize having grown up poor, but I am so thankful that it’s instilled good values and priorities in me.
It’s precisely because I would never wish ill on others, that I wish this woman would go hungry for just a brief spell in her life. She’ll be a richer person afterward for it.
hope it’s a ruse.. ick.
Like Carol, I wanted to vote for both ‘Tacky’ and ‘Immature’. *sheesh*
Whoa. First off, thanks for all the lovely compliments! I just needed to put in my two cents here after seeing the website in question.
First, I once asked for my readers’ help but it was for votes to win a contest, not money. Just to clarify
Second, I could never ask for handouts without offering something in return, which is why I disagree with this couple’s approach. The hallmarks of my approach are savvy negotiation, and more importantly, bartering. Like when I worked off 1/2 the cost of my dream dress with the designer. Everyone is struggling, everyone wants a dream wedding, but in this economy, asking for free money is just bad karma in my opinion.
As a vendor i find this particularly offensive. Somebody recently asked me to do 300 wedding invitation ensembles for free in exchange for “word of mouth advertising”. Crest doesn’t give me free toothpaste because i promise to tell my friends that it tastes minty! Geesh.