I have to ask: Have you seen The Plunge? Yet another wedding planning site for grooms has emerged, and this one is pretty flashy compared to its peers. Unlike most wedding sites geared toward dudes, this one has actual written content that goes beyond a hundred incarnations of “Stand back, and shut up.” Then again, a lot of that content reads like this:
There’s a new piece of furniture in your bedroom: a stack of magazines, books, and articles that could double as a side-table. It’s your fiancée’s “wedding porn.” And unlike actual porn, this isn’t harmless. It’s putting ideas in her head. Poisonous ideas. Thoughts about how you, as a groom, should be “behaving.” This is where it gets dangerous.
A few things irk me about this snippet from one of The Plunge’s intro pages. First, I don’t buy into the idea that the WIC can turn regular chicks into screaming harpies. A true bridezilla was probably already kind of a bitch, and no magazine or book is going to turn a regular chick into a bitch. Second, it stands to reason that there are behavioral (and dress and etiquette) guidelines for weddings, the same way there are behavior guidelines for any party. It’s a formal function, jeez. If it’s mantime to complain about wedding planning, can we at least get some fresh and original complaints?
The Plunge seems to feature two kinds of articles — the usual ‘this is what grooms need to do or not to do to help brides plan weddings’ and ‘this is how you can manipulate your fiancee/future in-laws to get what you want.’ Need examples of the latter? Here are three of the pearls of wisdom one can find on The Plunge:
Is getting a lapdance cheating? Let’s look at it from your fiancée’s perspective. A hot, skinny, naked, slutty woman is grinding her crotch against your erection, making you pant with lust, and rubbing her nipples all over your body. If this was some random girl at a bar, she’d have every right to dump you right then and there. The counter-argument: this is not some random girl in a bar. It’s a controlled act in a controlled environment—and the stripper doesn’t want to screw you, she just wants to screw you out of another $100.
[Admit you cheated?] Are you out of your goddamn mind? This is the happiest day of your fiancée’s life, and you want to slaughter it with a Truth Bomb? Never drop the T-Bomb. It’s selfish; it unburdens your guilt and it hurts her forever. Your grim duty is to carry this secret to your grave. Telling her would be like telling a four-year old on Christmas morning that there’s no Santa. Or telling a nun, on her deathbed, that there’s no God. What’s done is done.
Tell her you’ll be happy to [change your last name to hers] as soon as you-the groom-gets pregnant and squirts out the first baby. Look. Gender roles exist. This isn’t your fault and it isn’t her fault. If you adopt her name, not only will you be the laughingstock of all your buddies for the rest of your life, but even her friends will think it’s weird. Have some backbone.”
Ugh. I was pretty psyched to see that a new site for grooms was up and running since they seem to go under so quickly (and one wonders how long The Plunge will last), but yeah, ugh. As for the lapdance thing, whatever. Some people are cool with it. But the decision to change a name reduced to whether or not your buddies will snicker? Lame. Robbing your fiancee of the choice to call off the wedding because you’re a cheater? Super uncool.
I’ll leave it up to you whether you want to send your intended a link to The Plunge. Had it existed in 2007, I would have shown it to The Beard and we would have had a good laugh about it. Heck, I’ll show it to him now and we can have a good laugh about it. Is it a good wedding planning site? Maybe I’ll leave it at “Kind of?” It could go a long way toward teaching nuptial novices about weddings, but it’s awfully mean spirited.