Brides and grooms with all of the money in the world don’t have to worry about wasting money. A wedding gown or reception venue that costs $10,000 is no different than one that costs $1,000. Money, simply put, is not an issue. Lucky them, right? The rest of us have to plan our weddings within the confines of some kind of wedding budget, whether we have $2500 or $25,000 to spend.

What that means is that most brides and grooms are forced, to some extent, to prioritize when choosing wedding vendors or supplies. There is no “I want it all!” because the money just isn’t there, and (one hopes) financing the wedding on credit isn’t an option. Sure, there are the must-haves, like a top notch photographer or a really fine reception meal, that couples choose based on their personal preferences, but affording one or two luxuries usually means identifying other areas of the wedding where cutbacks can be made.

To do that, it’s a good idea to think in terms of matrimonial money-wasters. Like I said about, if you’re flush, there’s no such thing as a waste of cash, but if economizing here and there is your goal, there are definite money dumps that can be easily avoided. For example:

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Full disclosure: I used to smoke. In fact, at the height of smoking career, I could down a pack and a half in a day. Now I don’t smoke, and I have my reasons. The way I figure it, we all know smoking is bad for us, but we’re all grownups, so as long as you’re not smoking in my house or near my baby, your habit is your business.

That said, I’m going to assume that brides and grooms who smoke are going to want to have a few cigarettes before their wedding ceremonies and at their wedding receptions. It is, after all, a day where indulging oneself is part of the fun, so smokers will be smoking, whether the laws of the land permit indoor puffing or require it be done out of doors.

So what’s the problem? Well, I recently came across some wedding photographs that included a bride who is a fairly regular smoker. Either she or her wedding photographer was a fan of the traditional pre- and post-wedding poses, e.g. the bride getting ready in the mirror, the bouquet on the makeup table, and so on. One photo that caught my eye (and not in a good way) was a close-up of the bride’s hands, showcasing her engagement ring and wedding band… and her nicotine stained French manicure. Her pinky, index finger, and middle finger nails were a bright, traditional pink and white, while the polish on her pointer and thumb were a not-very-subtle yellow.

In 1945, Emily Post stated that “above all [the bride] must not, while wearing her veil, smoke a cigarette.” Bridal headpieces aside, I’d add that the bride who wants her wedding photographer to photograph her hands looking their wedding day best must not smoke after the application of a French manicure. They’ll be plenty of time to light up at the reception.

Photograph by Christopher Prinos

No matter what the economic situation, one thing is for certain: people will still get married, and most of them still want at least some of the trimmings. Chief among these trimmings for many brides is the wedding gown.

It’s no mystery why this should be. The wedding gown is an iconic piece of clothing filled with emotional meaning.

The fact also remains that it’s one extremely expensive piece of clothing.

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Hello, everybody!

Remember last week when I inflicted this image on you all?

Yeah, back when I asked you to come up with captions for me.

Well you did my bidding, for which I thank you. You came up with some doozies, but there can be only one winner. This week said winner is Jennie for appealing to me as a child of the sixties:

(Announcer over the intercom) Attention all wedding guests! Please do not drink the brown acid…I mean punch…

Hey, who am I to turn my back on a good Woodstock reference?

Congratulations, Jennie! And thanks to everyone who played.

It’s been sixteen years since the day Mr. Twistie and I were married. Sixteen years of ups, downs, triumphs, crises, arguments, inside jokes, crab dances, shared meals, travels both separate and in tandem, trivial knowledge, momentous decisions, and a million different experiences I never dreamed of on the day we said ‘I do.’

If I had it all to decide again, would I, knowing what’s ahead?

You bet your sweet bippy I would!

And that is what I wish for all of you: a life you’d choose with the person you love most.

The logic center in every bride’s brain will tell her at some point in the wedding planning process that there’s no such thing as a perfect wedding… or the perfect wedding gown, reception venue, or wedding guest. That doesn’t mean, however, that most brides don’t hold out at least some hope that their weddings will go exactly as planned.

Please don’t misunderstand me, however. Your wedding can be perfect in that it’s your wedding, no matter what goes wrong. That which does go wrong might be so minor as to be practically unnoticeable. The weather, atmosphere, and location may be perfect. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, so if you think something is perfect, it is. But can you create a truly 100% absolutely perfect wedding? Unlikely.

That said, I love the Wide Lawns Wedding Guide. Whereas other wedding guides stress having the right wedding accessories or finding the ultimate ceremony venue, theirs is all about attitude — specifically the attitude adopted by the bride(s) and/or groom(s).

1. The wedding would not be about us. It would be about our friends and families. The wedding was a gift from us to our guests.

2. There would be no “must haves.”

3. We would not have preconceived notions or ideals about what our wedding was supposed to be like.

4. It would be very fun, not stuffy and would include traditions from the many different backgrounds represented.

5. The wedding would represent our personalities.

6. We would also be mindful of how extraordinarily lucky we were to have this opportunity and we would be constantly thankful and appreciative of all that we were given.

Aside from the first point, I can’t argue with any of this. It’s so often the ‘must haves’ and the preconceived notions that lead to anger or disappointment on the part of the main players in a wedding, whether you’re talking about the bride(s), the groom(s), the mothers, the fathers, or the friends of the happy couple. Following these guidelines will to some extent keep you happy and sane while planning a wedding.

And as far as the first point is concerned, well, my wedding was about me just a little bit insofar as I picked out the food and cake and drinks and venue I liked rather than what would be tastiest or most convenient in the eyes of my guests.

Hey, no one’s perfect!

In the past year, various online enterprises have spent at least some of their PR dollars trying to convince me that online invitations and email invitations are just what brides- and grooms-to-be have been searching for. They’re the green option for today’s conscious couples! They cost less than letterpress! Everyone will flip over your choice of one of 10 cool designs! And so on, and so forth. I thought that, after offering up my own opinion, I’d leave it up to you to decide whether I’ve been somehow remiss in ignoring those press releases.

Um, HATE. As much potential as online wedding invitations from companies like Pingg should have, being that they’re kind of environmentally friendly and easy and cheap to send out, the fact is that it’s still nice to get a good heavy piece of printed cardstock in the mail when it’s nuptials we’re talking about. Perhaps the only time one should receive a virtual wedding invitation is if one is invited to a virtual wedding… at which time (as some anonymous so-and-so once said) I suppose it would be wholly appropriate to send a virtual gift.

What say you?