An End to Bridezilla? Or Just Sour Grapes?

Bridezilla is a term that’s always annoyed me, not so much because it exists, but because it gets used as a bludgeon against women who don’t necessarily fit the definition at all. It gets pulled out to shame women who just want people to show up on time, and it gets used to trivialize truly reprehensible behavior.

There’s one thing, however, that’s clear about the term: bridezilla is an attitude of entitlement. Period. That’s what it’s about.

And so I have to kind of wonder at this article by Lauren Beckham Falcone for the Boston Herald. Her claim is that falling budgets for weddings equal an end to bridezilla.


Look, I know that we here at Manolo for the Brides are all about keeping to budgets and keeping the wedding day in perspective. We remind people often that there are alternatives to nearly everything expected in a wedding, that just because it’s expected doesn’t obligate you to have most wedding items, and that a little imagination can work wonders on the smallest budget. We’re fond of reminding you that things like ice luges, reception gowns, and live orchestras are not necessary for a nice wedding.

But there’s one thing we’ve never done, and that’s conflate a large budget with bad behavior.

Here’s the thing: a lavish celebration is not an act of aggression in and of itself, nor is a bargain basement budget an obvious indication that the persons involved are thoughtful and gracious.

If you’ve got the budget and want to spend it on a big, expensive wedding, this does not make you a bad person. What makes you a bad bride, yes, a bridezilla, is treating the people around you like crap. It’s assuming that because you want it, everyone around you should make it happen, whether you can afford it or not. It’s failing to show respect for others. It’s behaving as though vendors have no feelings, bridesmaids are indentured servants, and the weather itself will do your bidding because you are getting married.

So long as you treat the people around you with consideration, and don’t expect the world to spin differently on its axis simply because of your impending nuptials, I don’t care whether your budget is $100.00 or $100,000,000.00. Budget and behavior are two different things.

Behave like other people have feelings and needs (you know, ’cause they do), spend the money you have available in the way you choose, and enjoy the day you create.

Remember: budget and behavior are not the same thing.

4 Responses to “An End to Bridezilla? Or Just Sour Grapes?”

  1. Sapphyre says:

    honestly, I’d predict the correlation between budget & bridezilla rising as budgets go down… trying to work on a miniscule budget when everyone just wants your money is absolutely no fun at all. The smaller the budget, the more you have to worry about going over it and with that, a lot of time ends up going into searching for the best deal, which can also be ridiculously stressful. And I believe that very few women who are deemed as “bridezillas” are actually that- I feel that they only become that way when they get too stressed out, upset and feel that no one’s listening/supporting them. (Trust me, I’m in the same place!) I’ll openly admit I’ve had bridezilla moments- I think it happens to the best of us sometimes.

  2. 7nina says:

    Sing it, Twistie! I got very irritated with some posters on the indiebride boards who had exactly that attitude-one of them got really nasty with a very nice poster who had a lovely wedding because the poster felt she had too generous of a budget, and thus wasn’t worthy of posting on the indiebride boards.

  3. La BellaDonna says:

    I get the faint taste of “Rich People Bad!” in my mouth as the subtext (subtaste?) to this belief. It is just as classist an assumption as the belief that because someone doesn’t have a lot of money to spend that the wedding will therefore be “tacky.”

    Poverty, in and of itself, is not a virtue. It may be a fact of life (it is for me!) – but it isn’t a virtue.

  4. Emi!y says:

    I think that people tend to get more of an “I’m willing to pay for it so you MUST do it for me attitude” when they have more money to spend. That’s when you get the B’zilla. It’s an entitlement thing. Especially if you’re not used to spending that much money on any other event or product. If you’ve never spent more than, say, $4000 on your car, but you’re now ready to shell out upwards of $30,000, you might start to think, “Hey, I’m paying for this, do what I say.” THere’s a reason we have the stereotype of rich entitled people. Not all of them are, but it does tend to happen more in people who have the money to throw around.