Archive for July, 2009

Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness: The Major Firepower Edition: The Results

Saturday, July 25th, 2009

Oh my dears, I knew I could count on you.

Last week I inflicted this…very special image on you:

Tank Groom and you responded with plenty of great options to choose between.

There can, however, be but one winner. This week it’s my good friend, cohort, and general partner in crime Fabrisse for this delicious pop culture gone mad reference:

They feel confident they can win Honeymoon Survivor as this tank is their “essential” item.

Congratulations, Fabrisse! And thanks to everyone who played.

LOVE/HATE: The Dance Dance Revolution Edition

Friday, July 24th, 2009

A metric bouquetload of you sent me links to the massive ceremony processional dance number video that’s going around. So many, in fact, that I doubt there could possibly be anyone who hasn’t seen it, but I’m going to post it just in case you’ve been hiding under a rock.

What a way to revolutionize your wedding ceremony! Or not, since this may just become the new “our traditional first dance music skipped and now we’re going to rock out with a choreographed booty shaker.” Opinions around the web are divided. Some people think the choice of a Chris Brown song is a little inauspicious for a wedding. Others believe that such a fun and original ceremony idea speaks well of the bride and groom’s life together. Then there are those who consider the ceremony entrance dance a mockery of an otherwise solemn ritual.

LOVE all the way. I just think it’s fun and cute and, hey, why not? If you and your attendants can pull it off and like to get your groove on, who’s to say (other than possibly your religious leader) that you can’t dance your way down the aisle. What say you?

The Hands-Free Bride: Wearing Your Bouquet

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009


A Concerned Never teh Bride: Ladies? Your bridal bouquets appear to have become enmeshed in your wedding gowns.

Bride #1: Yes! I was walking along and a strong wind blew my bouquet apart. Then it became tangled in my bodice and skirt.

A Concerned Never teh Bride: You poor dear.

Bride #2: Not me. I was simply walking along, minding my own business, when I got in the way of bouquet tossing practice at the local David’s. Here’s something I didn’t know… bouquets hurt when they hit.

A Concerned Never teh Bride: So, um, what are we looking at?

Brides #1 and #2: Like all bridal models, we’re unenthusiastically looking for a man!

Know Your Stuff: Hem Lengths

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

In iDo, I talk a lot about being an educated consumer when you’re shopping for your wedding. Not only does knowing your stuff usually save you money (if you’re into that sort of thing), but it also ensures that you don’t settle for the very first thing you see, whether you’re looking to buy a wedding gown, wedding favors, or your reception meal.


But this post is about wedding gowns, and wedding gown hemlines in particular. While it’s easy to walk into a bridal salon and ask for a wedding dress with a hem that falls below the knee, it pays to be able to ask for an intermission or midi hemline. Plus, knowing the terminology allows you to search for wedding gowns using Google Image Search without having to wade through hundreds or thousands of pictures of dresses that are either too long or too short for your tastes. So without further ado, here is a short glossary of common wedding dress hemlines:

Floor or Full – Just what it sounds like, a wedding gown hemline that reaches either all the way to the floor or ends about an inch above the floor so the tips of your shoes will show as you walk. Most of the wedding gowns you encounter will likely be this length.

– If you’re particularly proud of your bridal shoes or terribly afraid of tripping over your hem as you make your way down the aisle, this may be the hemline for you. The ankle hemline looks traditional, but can make moving around easier.

Ballerina – One of my favorite hemlines, the ballerina sits about two inches above the ankle. It’s a bit easier than it was to find this hemline on a wedding dress, but if you want it and can’t find it, you can always ask your seamstress to modify a full length gown.

– This hemline was popular during the depression years and has experienced a resurgence of popularity now that everyone and her sister is having a beach or garden wedding. Tea length hemlines fall to about mid-calf and look just a little bit retro.

Intermission or Midi
– A hemline falling between the knee and calf. Depending on how tall or short a bride is, a wedding gown that boasts a different hemline can fall like an intermission or midi.

Handkerchief – I haven’t seen this hemline on many wedding gowns, but they are out there. The handkerchief is made up of panels that end in points or cut to create points resulting in a jagged line with the longest points usually ending at mid-calf.

– The street hemline is just a touch shorter than intermission length and falls just below the knee. It is found on more casual wedding dresses and, more frequently, on wedding suits.

Mini – The shortest hemline of all falls above the knee or higher. I posted about mini bridesmaids dresses a while back, but it doesn’t seem like they caught on. Sometimes wedding gowns with the mini hem have removable overskirts.

Hmmm, am I forgetting any?

Inspiration: Yellow, Green, and Teal

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

New England photographer Anne Ruthmann specializes in emotional and artistic photojournalism, and she’s good. Really good. Plus, the inspiration boards she creates from the weddings she has shot are none too shabby!


I have fallen way in love with this yellow, green, and teal wedding palette Ruthmann put together. This is a great color scheme for a summertime wedding, for those of you reading who are a year away from saying your vows, because it pairs so well with lush greenery and pretty whites. But it would also work well in springtime when all the wonderful tiny yellow flowers appear everywhere as if by magic. If you’re worried about overdoing it, don’t be. The green is a great foil for the teal, which otherwise might be a tad overwhelming, no matter what the season.

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something… Impermanent?

Monday, July 20th, 2009

Thank goodness for the people at I Do Tattoos, for if it were not for them, I wouldn’t have ever known how damn difficult it is to choose that something blue. It’s right there in their blog: “The problem is, there aren’t many things you can actually wear for Something Blue.” Hey, it’s true if you don’t count blue bridal shoes, blue bridal jewelry, blue bridal headpieces or hairpins, sapphire engagement rings, blue bridal garters, blue underwear, blue ribbons on the bridal bouquet, blue wedding gowns, blue rhinestones you can apply to the soles of your shoes, and oh lordy, blue dye for your most private hair. I kid you not.


Let’s all let out a collective breath because someone has finally decided to tackle this non-existent conundrum plaguing brides everywhere! I Do Tattoos has solved the dearth of something blue with their line of eight hand-drawn temporary tattoos designed for I Do Tattoos by talented artists right here in the United States. U! S! A! U! S! A!

Why should the bride choose a temporary tattoo over other something blue options? I Do Tattoos answers:

You’ve worked hard to make your wedding day reflect you. A garter or blue handbag does nothing to help you express your personality. (SICK BURN, GARTER LOVERS!)

It’s much more than Something Blue. It’s a keepsake and a photo frame too. Your chosen design is carefully screen printed in a beautiful, scratch-resistant silver ink. It is elegantly framed as a permanent keepsake. (A PERMANENT SCREENPRINT OF A TEMPORARY TATTOO, HUH.)


Your tattoo can be hidden underneath any style of wedding dress. So there’s no chance of disrupting the flow of your gown, jewelry and headpiece. Or, if you like, wear it for all to see! The choice is yours. (THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!)

5. FUN
On your wedding night, imagine his delight when he discovers your tattoo in a “secret” hiding place! (HOW CLASSY IS IT TO BE ABLE TO SAY YOU WORE YOUR ‘SOMETHING BLUE’ ON YOUR BUTT!)

I kid… sort of. When I asked The Beard whether he though temporary tattoos for brides was a silly idea or a cute idea, he answered “Why can’t it be both?” Why, indeed? It’s obviously not my top choice for something blue — I wore a blue bridal garter handmade by a good friend, which according to I Do Tattoos was not expressive of my personality, whoops! — but if a bride chooses to wear something blue, she can wear anything from a blue handkerchief stuffed into her decolletage to a blue bridal bandanna to a blue tartan sash. And that anything can, of course, include a temporary tattoo applied directly to a bridal buttock on the morning of the wedding.

Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness: The Major Firepower Edition

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

Good morning wedding fans, and welcome to another edition of Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness!

You all know the rules. I find a picture that I feel is simply crying out for a great caption. You search the depths of your brain/funny bone/festering soul and come up with one…or two…or seventy three. You then post your best captions in the comments section. Next saturday I pick a winner and we all have some good yucks.

Ready? Good. Then we’ll begin.

Tank Groom