Madame, Someone Has Taken a Melon-Baller to Your Middle

Upon first glance, this wedding gown from St. Pucchi Couture appears nothing short of gorgeous.


The huge flowers in the skirt are a little over the top, but isn’t a wedding gown supposed to be a little out there? And while the fullness of the skirt wouldn’t be for everyone, there are those of us who would gladly strut around town dragging a huge and possibly heavy cluster of fabric rosettes around our calves and thighs.

But look closer… that’s not ketchup or motor oil staining the bodice.


Nope, they’re cut-outs. Big circular cut-outs. All sizes. Placed randomly around the gut. Perhaps that is why the obviously depressed bridal model has chosen to isolate herself from the world in what appears to be an abandoned mental health facility?

7 Responses to “Madame, Someone Has Taken a Melon-Baller to Your Middle”

  1. Twistie says:

    No, no, no, no, my friend. Don’t you realize those are speed holes so she can get down the aisle faster? They’re all the rage with the giant, heavy skirt look.

  2. So you’re saying it’s a matter of aerodynamics?

  3. Because the closer you can get to naked while you’re in a church, the better.

  4. sunf says:

    Judging by the blood-stain looking smears on the wall, she’s body slammed herself against it a few times already too!

  5. La BellaDonna says:

    I’m not going to be quite so didactic as above; for one thing, it’s perfectly possible to be completely covered up while scuba diving; for another, I can think of brides who might consider baring their midriffs in their wedding attire. It wouldn’t be my choice … and in my present state of fitness, the world should rejoice. But: brides who are belly dancers, brides who are nudists, brides who are exotic dancers, heck, brides who make swiss cheese – all of them might conceivable bare their middles or more, or have strategic and non-strategic holes in their gowns. I don’t think it’s appropriate in a religious setting which would find it offensive, so I wouldn’t think doing it in a mosque, or an LDS church, or probably a bunch of other places, would be considerate to the entity providing the wedding space.

    This particular gown, of course, is setting itself up for endless snark; that the bride found the gown, AND its designer, in some local place of interest, such as Arkham … that someone thoughtlessly tested their Mag Safes on the gown … that the bride is so cranky because of the moth problem (I can relate!) … hours of fun! I actually love the gigantic roses and huge skirt, because when else is one likely to be able to wear a gown like that? And I love gowns like that! I’d like to think that when the bride, and not the bridal model, buys the dress, the air-conditioned areas will have been filled in with some silver lace appliques, or some other pretty spackle appropriate to the gown. Hope, after all, springs often, if not eternal.