Sometimes I think that it’s no wonder that brides-to-be get a little nutty from time to time when planning their weddings. I’m not saying brides should act like they’re auditioning for the newest WE channel show. Keeping the f-bombs to a minimum in public forums is just plain polite. But some grumpy, snippy days? A few outbursts aimed at people who probably deserve them? A few quarts of tears? People planning an entire wedding should be able to express their negative feelings without fearing that they’ll be labeled a Bridezilla for life! Why?
Your Time Is No Longer Your Own
Planning a wedding can be a full-time job, which is precisely why there are people out there who have made it their profession. We call them wedding planners and while it would be lovely if we could all afford one if we wanted one, it’s not always financially feasible. So in addition to planning a wedding full time, the bride is also usually working full time at the job that is most likely paying for part of her wedding. And this during business hours, when wedding vendors like caterers and bakers usually work. When reception spaces actually pickup the phone. And so on. Lunch hour wedding planning is now the norm, but it is certainly not ideal.
Everyone Wants Their Piece of the Action
It would be nice if a bride and groom could plan their wedding in a vacuum, but I suppose they’d miss the guests. The good news is that most wedding guests simply show up, eat, drink, and get merry without giving much thought beforehand to what they’ll eat and who they’ll sit next to. The bad news is that the voices of the few who care very much more than make up for the quiet majority. The matron-of-honor has declared she won’t wear pink, orange, or any pastels (These being your favorite colors). The mother-of-the-bride has made it clear she will not sit anywhere near her ex-husband (The father-of-the-bride). And there’s a good chance the groom’s brother is going to use the word “penis” at least twice in his best man speech. He wants this. She wants that. Sometimes it feels like what the bride and groom want doesn’t matter at all.
Shut Up and Say ‘Yes, Dear’
It’s what my own father said to The Beard when we got engaged, and I’m sure more than one of the guys whose gals are reading this heard the same thing from dads and future FILs. Even though more and more grooms are contributing financially to their weddings, the idea that they either have no wedding planning preferences (or shouldn’t have any because that’s so fem) still persists. I find this a tad odd since I don’t know a single dude who doesn’t have likes and dislikes where food and music are concerned. Many would prefer to wear *this* over *that,* where this and/or that might be a tuxedo, morning dress, a European cut suit with a skinny tie, sneakers, opera pumps, sunglasses, etc. When you’re a bride-to-be, hearing “Whatever you want, honey” can actually get old pretty fast when what you wanted was a real opinion.
It’s Just Not a Wedding Without X, Y, and Z
What makes a wedding? Is it the flowers? The wedding gown? The DJ? The bridesmaids and groomsmen? I’d say that what makes a wedding is two people getting married. Period, end of story. But brides (and to some extent grooms) planning a wedding will hear again and again that it’s just not a wedding without, say, a great big wedding cake. If they’re just not cake people, you can bet that someone somewhere is going to encourage them to have cake anyway. I’ve seen it happen — when my friends Chris and Jenny got married, they served pie. But their caterer found and served a cake anyway because they couldn’t fathom a wedding without one. Don’t want the princess dress or the tiara or the limo or the bouquet or attendants? Get ready to hear what people think!
Keep It In the Bottle Where It Belongs
Oh, and goodness forbid a bride get angry about any of the stuff above. That’s when people start whispering the reptilian b-word and saying things like “All the stress you’re experiencing now won’t matter on your wedding day” or “Weddings can make you a little irrational.” Because there’s no way a bride-to-be might actually have legitimate feelings that deserve consideration! Nope, it’s all just her womanly response to planning a wedding and, hey, it’ll all be over soon anyway so why give it any more thought? I know brides who have simply bottled everything up, either for fear of being labeled something nasty or being patronized by mildly misogynistic relatives.
And that’s not all of what brides-to-be are facing in the days and months leading up to their weddings. Is it any wonder that some of them occasionally get a little snippy? Or a lot snippy? Or even profanity happy? To all those people who like to throw around the word Bridezilla, I can only ask when did it became a faux pas to get a little pissed?