The lovely Rebekah wrote to ask this somewhat complicated question about wedding stationery:

My fiancé and I are eloping later this month. He wanted to get married sooner rather than later, but we’d still like to have a big wedding sometime next year. (Have your cake and eat it too, anyone?) I was thinking that perhaps we could send out wedding announcements combined with a “save-the-date” announcement for a vow renewal and reception. So, how would one word a “We got married and you weren’t there, but you can be at the next one” card without sounding tacky?

First, I’ll tell you what not to do, which is go with the flippant phrasing you used in your question. Not that I think you would, mind, but there are people reading who might just think it’s a good idea because it sounds just a little cheeky. Usually, engagement announcements and save-the-date cards are the place to get a little silly or sarcastic, and wedding invitations are the place to convey the main deets in an elegant and dignified way. Usually.

But your stationery will probably be a little different. First, it won’t exactly be a marriage announcement (since it’s also a save-the-date for your reception) or a wedding save-the-date (since you already said your vows). Second, while you want to convey the information in most save-the-date cards, you may want to make it more solemn or serious than not since elopements can cause hurt feelings among those people who reeeaaallly wanted you to have a “proper” wedding. And third, there’s the vow renewal complicating matters. Some couples will have a reception to celebrate an earlier wedding ceremony, but you’ll be throwing a second ceremony in there, too. (As an aside, this stymied The Beard, who wondered why you wouldn’t either keep the elopement a secret and just get married or just have the reception without the vow renewal.)

So to recap, you need wording for a marriage announcement combined with a not-quite save-the-date for a vow renewal with a reception to follow. For those who don’t know, a marriage announcement or wedding announcement announces that a couple is now married and includes details like the bride and groom’s names and the date of the marriage. Maybe a photo of the wedding, too. They are most often sent out when a couple has had a very small wedding or eloped, but they’re typically not serving as save-the-dates.

My advice is to make sure that word gets around that you’re married and that you eloped so you’re not fielding confused phone calls from relatives asking why they weren’t invited to your wedding or “What do you mean, vow renewal?” or “You did what?!” It seems to me just a tad iffy to spring your being married already on people on your save-the-dates. Better that as many people as possible already know if you’re truly sold on the idea of combining marriage announcements with save-the-dates. Once the grapevine has been primed, go with simple, straightforward wording on whatever cardstock floats your boat. Something like:

This is where I’ll freely admit I had trouble coming up with wording that wouldn’t lead to shocked phone calls or hurt feelings or clucking tongues, but frankly you run the risk of fielding all those things (and more) when you plan a plain old regular wedding. If you want to elope first, do it. The Beard and I contemplated doing the very same thing, so I don’t know where his objections are coming from. Now I’ll open the floor — since this is a toughie, I welcome our awesome readers to give their word suggestions. Let’s help a sister out!

Photographer Corinna J. Hoffman took this beautiful picture of one of the more unusual and interesting save-the-date announcements I’ve seen.

One of the brides-to-be whose wedding Ms. Hoffman will be photographing loved the handkerchiefs Lucky Luxe created for her so much that she had them sent to Ms. Hoffman first so she could photograph them before they were sent off to the wedding guests.

I’ll come right out and say that I LOVE the idea. While save-the-dates are not at all a necessary piece of wedding stationery in most cases, they have become a commonplace part of the wedding stationery package. I like the idea of a save-the-date announcement that is also a keepsake that goes above and beyond the usual postcard or magnet. Plus, a save-the-date handkerchief can be used at the wedding itself by those guests who know that their eyes are going to spring a little leak during the vows.

What say you? Awesome or a little too frou-frou?

Brides and grooms who choose to incorporate flowers into their reception menus more often than not turn to that old standard, the wedding cake decorated with blooms that match the bridal bouquet or reception table centerpieces. And as common as it is to see cakes with edible flowers like roses, violets, pansies, or lilacs, go to enough weddings and you’ll eventually see non-edible flowers on the cake as well. These are removed before the cake is served… in fact, most floral embellishments on wedding cake are removed before serving since not that many flowers taste really good on wedding cake unless sugared first.

I said “on cake” because there is no rule stating that flowers must be used on or in desserts. Cooking with flowers is coming back into vogue and has a long history. Flowery cookery can be traced back to ancient Rome, China, India, and the Middle East. Edible flowers were particularly popular in the Victorian era during Queen Victoria’s reign. And now edible flowers are starting to appear in dishes at wedding receptions.

I think it’s a fun (and potentially delicious) idea that can add a little pizazz and personality and color to a reception meal. If you go this route, make sure your caterer has some experience working with or cooking with flowers to avoid things like, oh, food poisoning or pesticide poisoning. That’s important, since even though there are plenty of edible flowers, not all of them are grown to be eaten. Stick to organically-grown blossoms or blooms grown specifically for human consumption.

Thinking about DIYing your wedding menu? Rosalind Creasy’s book Recipes from the Garden has plenty of recipes featuring fresh flowers, from stuffed zucchini blossoms to vibrantly colorful fresh salads.

Brides and grooms not putting together their own reception lunches or dinners can still approach their caterers with floral recipes they’ve found in cookbooks and online. SheKnows has recipes for things like rosemary flower biscuits and pansy herb salad. No matter who is doing the cooking, be sure they know that flowers should be used sparingly in recipes since most blossoms function like herbs. They can have strong flavors (think spicy or minty) and can also be difficult to digest in large quantities.

Doesn’t that look lovely… and yummy, too?

A lot of the pre-wedding jitters experienced by brides and grooms revolve around the wedding vows. And is it any wonder? For those ladies and lads not particularly used to public speaking or performing or giving presentations to groups, getting up in front of a mass of people to speak can be a harrowing experience. Personally, I liked it, but I am somewhat of a ham and absolutely love commanding the attention of a group. At the same time, I’m a bit of a perfectionist so I can totally understand the anxiety of wanting to say one’s wedding vows perfectly.

Unfortunately, I didn’t say them perfectly. I was doing all right until I got to a word on my wedding vow crib sheet that I couldn’t read. My usually neat handwriting had devolved into something terrible when I was jotting my notes down the night before. Oops. I stopped mid-sentence. Squinted at my paper. I could sense guests shifting in their seats. But if there was one rule from the theatre that I’ve internalized it would be Roll with your mistakes. So instead of just stammering and moving on, I finished my sentence by saying “…and I can’t read whatever this is supposed to say.” Then I cracked up, giving everyone else permission to laugh at me or with me. Whichever they preferred.

So what happens when you flub your wedding vows? Absolutely nothing if you don’t make a big deal about it. A little slip of the tongue can even make for a more enjoyable wedding ceremony if you let it. For example, here’s a couple whose vows didn’t go exactly as planned, but they had fun with it:

What can brides and grooms learn from my experience and the experience of Mr. Waffle Wedded Wife? How about that it’s okay to experience some wedding vow related anxiety, but that there’s no reason to get overly stressed out about it. Stress, I think, will more often than not contribute to slips of the tongue. In other words, worry too much about saying waffle instead of lawful, and you up your chances of doing just that. Even if you’re planning on a really solemn wedding ceremony, give yourself the freedom to laugh at yourself or your spouse-to-be or the officiant or the bridesmaid who drops her bouquet or the groomsman who trips down the aisle. I guarantee you’ll be glad you did!

We here at Manolo for the Brides know of at least one couple getting married on this fine Labor Day, and we hope that they and you have a ton of fun today. For those reading this outside the U.S. (and those in the U.S. whose jobs necessitate working today), have some fun even if you are actually laboring.

Just not feeling it? Take your inspiration from Scott and Jessica (as photographed by the always fabulous qousqous) who obviously know how to have a good time.

For me, one of the most enjoyable aspects of wedding planning was deciding on food. I love to eat, I love to cook, I love to feed people. Mr. Twistie and I were bound and determined that nobody but nobody was going home hungry from our reception.

On the other hand, when one of my cousins got married, my aunt was convinced one single, solitary salmon was going to feed all two hundred people coming to the wedding. If my grandmother and great aunt hadn’t stepped in bringing a brigade of church ladies with them, goodness alone knows how many would have starved that fateful day.

I feel very sure nobody here wants to host a reception that peters out due to famished guests making a run for the nearest fast food option. I feel equally sure nobody here wants to offer up something that half their guest list can’t eat. And of course due consideration must be paid to budget concerns, family or ethnic traditions, your own food morals, and availability of ingredients.

Sound complex? Don’t panic. This is mostly a matter of common sense intersecting with taste and a touch of consideration for your guests. You do this every time you invite someone over for dinner. This is just putting the same principles to work on a larger scale.

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I love our readers. I do. Deeply and profoundly. Last sunday I presented you all with this deathless image:

and you came back swinging with five different captions for it.

In the end, though, there can be but one winner. This week, that winner is the superfantastic gemdiva for this equally deathless take on the subject matter:

In defiance of convention, Doctor Detroit and Sugar Puss O’Shea became the first couple ever to tie the knot at the Player’s Ball.

Congratulations, gemdiva! And thanks to everyone who played.