Comments on: Help Where Brides Need It Most? Or a Hundred Bucks Down the Tubes?

By: Dina Eisenberg

Dina Eisenberg — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:14:15 +0000

Hey, thanks for this post on wedding mediation. I’m sure a lot of people share you point of view. This idea isn’t for everyone. And, I agree with you that the wedding community has contributed to making wedding planning more stressful by focusing increased attention on personalization and unique style. What bride wants to do her wedding wrong?

Where we part company is around why wedding mediator is useful and not lame or redundant. Seeing a therapist is a great way to express difficult emotions and gain understanding. So, a therapist can help you find answers, but not implement them. Your therapist might suggest that you talk to your partner, but is not likely to help you find the best words to say or teach you how to begin the conversation or how to finish it productively. A mediator can do all that and boost your listening skills so you can actually hear what the other person is saying, instead of assuming and projecting.

A therapist helps you feel better. A mediator can help you live each day better.

A wedding is only one day, true. The damage to a bride’s relationships can last a lifetime. Preventing the loss of that seems worth a 100 bucks.

By: class factotum

class factotum — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:36:11 +0000

NTB. Exactly. Although after I wrote that comment, I thought that there might be more to the story. Counseling might not have saved that particular relationship, but if there are things one needs to change about onesself before one can have any relationship, then perhaps the counselor might suggest therapy.

Now I’ve just talked myself out of it again. Ellen (oops! did I say that out loud?) just needed therapy. No amount of couples counseling was going to make that relationship work.

By: Never teh Bride

Never teh Bride — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:19:52 +0000

@class factotum Unless the couple has been together for years and years and is basically married without a piece of paper from the state, I have to agree with you. Isn’t that what dating is for? To find out who you’re compatible with? If you’re not compatible when you’re dating, for goodness sake, how exactly will you deal with the stresses and strains of marriage?!

By: class factotum

class factotum — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:42:47 +0000

I had a friend who was going to couples counseling with his girlfriend. My (unspoken) thought was that if you have to counseling with your boyfriend/girlfriend, maybe you should just break up.

By: Twistie

Twistie — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:49:39 +0000

Oh NtB, don’t feel bad about your first thought. It was mine, too.

In general, I agree absolutely with you. If your communication difficulties are intense enough to warrant a third party to help out, get a licensed therapist. If you’re a bit frustrated but bloodshed is not imminent, you might consider getting a book for, oh, about fifteen or twenty bucks…or even just borrow it from the library.

This strikes me as smacking of people going out of their ways to divorce brides and grooms from cold, hard cash.

By: Margo

Margo — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 22:33:52 +0000

Speaking of sticks, I could save people the cheddar by lending out one of my fierce Aunties to hit people with a clue stick when they acted up.

Though, to be fair, it’s not the worst idea in the world, but as NtB points out astutely, it’s a bit of a tail-wags-the-dog situation when the wedding industrial complex turns around with another product to sell you to cope with the hoo-ha.