Manolo for the Brides

Planning a wedding can be a daunting task. It’s even more daunting if you’re not really sure what you want it to be like.

Pretty much everyone expects you to know what sort of wedding you’re planning as soon as you say yes. And if you don’t know what you want, there are plenty of people lining up to inform you of what you want.

If you’re not sure whether you want a casual garden wedding or one in a luxury hotel, one themed around your favorite flower or your favorite movie, a raucous party or a refined one, you may be confused about where to begin your efforts.

So where do you start to figure it all out? I’ve got a couple of ideas you may find helpful.

Close your eyes and relax. Imagine a party you’d love to attend. Just take the word ‘wedding’ out of the equation for a moment. Think about the sorts of celebrations you enjoy. Do you prefer fine dining or a picnic? Dancing or quiet conversation? Plates delivered by discreet waitstaff or a serve-yourself buffet line? A cast of thousands or an intimate little affair with just immediate family and a couple carefully chosen friends?

There’s no right or wrong in this. You like what you like, and what you like is okay. Just try to put yourself into a setting that makes you feel good.

Find a color combination that makes you smile. Don’t worry about what’s fashionable. Fashions change all the time. For the last couple of years, combinations of brown with blue or pink have been wildly popular for weddings. Next year it may be purple and red or green and silver. If you like what’s popular, go ahead and do it. You’ll have an easy time, and you’ll love it. If you don’t like what’s popular, buck the tide with impunity. Whether what you love is pale pink and white or navy blue and lime green, the colors you choose should delight you.

Imagine your perfect party outfit. Do you love fancy gowns? Or do you prefer a sleek suit? An adorable short dress? A funky pantsuit? Once again, your preference is all that matters at this point. Go to town in your imagination.

Come up with two or three words to describe how you would love your guests to feel. What words pop into your mind? Relaxed and cozy? Impressed and pampered? Amused and astonished?

If you can have just two things precisely the way you want them without compromise, what would they be? Seriously consider this one. You’re going to have to compromise on a lot of things as you go along due to budget, timelines, available products, familial or cultural expectations, and a dozen other constraints. Know what matters most to you.

By this time, you should have a few concepts that are coming through fairly clearly. You know whether you’d rather surprise your guests or fulfill their expectations. You know whether you prefer a pastel or bold color scheme. You know whether the music or the food means more to you. These guidelines will help you make the rest of your decisions.

At this point, it’s probably best to discuss your thoughts (or offer up the same exercises) to your intended. See where your expectations mesh and where they differ. Discuss how to resolve any conflicts. Remember, there is no right or wrong in what feeling you want or how big or small you’d like your celebration to be, or even where your priorities lie. The only thing that can be much of a problem at this point is if one of you wants everything wildly different from the other. Hash it out between yourselves without inviting anyone else into the discussion (unless you come to a point where you need a referee).

Once you and your intended have talked over your preferences and priorities, that’s when you can start determining the details.

At that point, well, just keep reading this blog. We love to offer up suggestions.

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 14th, 2009 at 8:56 am by Twistie and is filed under Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.