My sister-in-law is engaged to be married and she has been married once before, which got me to thinking about second weddings. And third weddings and fourth weddings, all of which my very own father has had. It’s a very interesting topic and one I’m rather familiar with, having been to second weddings that were nothing more than a recitation of vows with the requisite number of witnesses present and second weddings that included white wedding dresses, tiered cakes, and all of the other accessories one associates with the traditional wedding.

As divorce and remarriage (due to divorce or the death of a spouse) become more common, I think we’re going to see less of the former second weddings and more of the latter second weddings. The “rules” surrounding second weddings have been relaxed, if in fact they even exist at all anymore. Still, there remain many myths about second weddings floating around that cause second-time brides and second-time grooms no end of anxiety. Imagine trying to plan a wedding and thinking that all of the things you truly want are verboten! Tragic, no? So let’s clear a few things up just in case any of the above applies to our readers.

Myth: Second-time brides and grooms shouldn’t have big and/or formal wedding ceremonies.

And why not? Divorce isn’t something people whisper about anymore — remarrying is nothing to be ashamed of and should be celebrated. Plus, as was mentioned in the comments, divorce isn’t the only reason people remarry… widows and widowers deserve nice weddings! Consider, too, that those vocally opposed to grand second weddings tend to forget that the other member of the marrying couple may never have been married before. Perhaps the bride or groom who has never before been married has been dreaming of an absolutely huge do. How mean to deny it. Note: The same applies for wedding receptions.

Myth: No toasting at the rehearsal dinner or at the wedding for second-time brides and grooms.

I’m not sure where this myth even got started, but anyone who wants to make a toast should feel free to make a toast as long as they’re not in, say, a library or an operating theatre. Wedding attendants, guests, and the parents of the happy couple may be happy and excited and want to say a few words. Besides, how exactly do you specify “no toasts”?

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I personally am not an advocate of cowboy boots for everyday wear — unless one earns one’s bread ropin’ and ridin’ — but I have to admit that they do look rather cute on bridesmaids all lined up in a row. Finding shoes for the bridesmaid isn’t easy since you’re already asking three or ten or fourteen chicks to buy matching dresses and now you’re going to request they find matching shoes, too? Even shopping for shoes as a bridesmaid kind of sucks unless the bride specifically wants dyed strappy sandals or, better yet, doesn’t care what shoes you wear.

The only real issue with asking your bridesmaids to wear cowboy boots is that nice ones can be ridiculously expensive and some people simply cannot stand them at all ever. Of course, you could say that about pretty much everything even remotely associated with weddings.

So, cowboy boots for the bridesmaid… First off, cowboy boots do not have to superrustic. For real, they don’t.

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What’s better than wedding dresses with sleeves… or at the very least, wedding dresses with straps thicker than a piece of angel hair pasta? The gorgeous Kai Jones was sweet enough to send me one answer, and that answer is “reasonably-priced short wedding dresses with sleeves that can be purchased online in standard sizes going up to 18, as well as in custom sizes.” It’s a mouthful, I know, but I’d argue that Dolly Couture is well worth the tongue-twisting.

There, brides can customize almost any element of their preferred wedding dresses — longer sleeves? no problem! full-length skirt? sure! — or order a one-of-a-kind bridal creation. If a bride wants to change her wedding dress after she receives it, Dolly Couture will send her any materials she needs for alteration, usually at no charge. And if her custom wedding dress is faulty, Dolly Couture will pay for a local tailor to fix it. Rush orders are possible. The biggie for me, however, is that Dolly Couture actually takes returns (on non-custom orders, anyway).

Sweet, right? I only wish I’d known about Dolly Couture when I was shopping for wedding dresses because I can rock a 1950s style frock like no one’s business. There are three more dresses to drool over under the cut.

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When I was growing up, the brides and grooms on cake toppers all looked alike. Tiny plastic people. All the women wore the same shape of gown, all the men wore identical tuxedos. For the longest time, pretty much the only difference was what color flip hairdo the woman wore.

Cake toppers have come a long way since then. Now you can even get sets of bride and bride or groom and groom. And Magical Day carries some even more specialized toppers like this:

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You know, there are some designers who just don’t know when to say when. One of these designers is Pnina Tornai. She’s huge on the wedding scene, but I have to say I honestly don’t know why. Oh I’ve seen a few gowns from her that weren’t bad, but that’s the most ringing endorsement I’ve ever felt able to give any of her work.

More of her work looks like this:

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Wedding mediation is apparently the new thing – at least according to the wedding mediators throwing up web sites and trying to attract the attention of brides and their grooms. For those who haven’t heard of wedding mediation, the wedding mediator is basically a counselor who helps the bride and groom communicate with family, friends, and wedding vendors while planning a wedding.

From Positively Wed: “A mediator can help a bride (or couple) discover what’s most important and how to be her own best advocate with vendors and family. How to listen and talk so she can have the wedding she wants without hurting loved ones or herself… Investing an hour learning to communicate better will definitely help you deal with family and friends more easily. And, the bonus is you’ll be prepared to handle hubby, too.”

Interesting, last-sentence sexism aside. A wedding mediator will charge anywhere from under $100 up to $500 for one or more in-person or telephone chats. At Positively Wed, the basic package costs $97 and includes one hour-long meeting via phone and seven days of unlimited email access. That’s not all that much in the grand scheme of things when weddings typically cost thousands and thousands of dollars. And yes, planning a wedding *can* be the most stressful thing a 20-something woman has ever done in her life. Are there people who simply can’t keep the peace while involved in planning a wedding? Yup. Are their brides and grooms who have trouble relating to their loved ones? Yup.

Is wedding mediation worth the money and the time? Perhaps for some, though I’d recommend that anyone who is having communication issue intense enough to warrant the introduction of a third party consult a licensed therapist.

This is probably going to sound absolutely terrible, but the first thought that popped into my head when I heard about wedding mediation was “Now we need counselors to help us plan parties? For real?” My opinion is that the appearance of dedicated wedding mediators has a lot to do with the super mega over-glorification of the wedding day, which less than surprisingly is one of the big factors in all the usual kinds of conflicts that arise when planning a wedding.

Society convinces brides-to-be (and MOBs and sisters of the bride and the groom-to-be and, yes, even guests) that the wedding will be the most important day of a couple’s life, which in turn causes everyone to have an opinion about how things ought to be, causing all kinds of hurt feelings and almost forcing people to look into services like wedding mediation. I think that if the “It’s myyyyyy dayyyyyyyy!” culture was less powerful, brides and grooms and their families could plan a wonderful ceremony and reception and guests could attend it without their being a need for a counselor to step in lest everyone start poking each other’s eyes out with the nearest sticks.

Most wedding decor palettes are cut with white or cream or a similarly benign color, most probably because it’s easier to source vividly hued napkins for the reception tables than it is to find tablecloths in that perfect shade. Or satin tablecloths bordered with a fringe and matching chair covers, for that matter. For that, you need Revelry Event Designers and Tabella.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Seriously, what’s not to love about this table? You tell me!

(via Ines Del Mar Weddings)