You know, I would love to live in a world where this issue only comes up on Bridezillas. After all, the entire point of the show is to make the subjects look as crazed, confused, and deranged as possible. Alas, this is something that gets mention in a lot of other fora, and made its way into a live chat with advice columnist Carolyn Hax on friday. Here’s what the question looked like:
Bridezilla: So I just learned today that my college friend, A, disinvited another college friend, B, to be in her wedding in two months because B is fat (she’s about 5’3″, 200lbs) and would ruin the pictures and how everyone looks at her on her big day. She did tell me that if B lost some weight, she’d let her back in the wedding party. I can’t communicate in polite enough terms how offended and appalled and disgusted I am by A’s behavior. Her rationale is that B promised to lose the weight by the wedding but didn’t, and that whenever there is a big bridesmaid everyone is looking at her and not the bride. I am so angry about her nastyness that I can’t even think straight. Is it kosher for me to drop out in solidarity with B (with whom I am actually not that close)? What is the best way for me to communicate back to A that she is a gigantic -glass bowl-? I am stunned. I don’t know if I even want to be friends anymore. FWIW, B hosted a bridal shower, has come to all the food tasting/clothes fittings/other assorted crap. She’s a good egg – we don’t click personally, but I am really at a loss for how someone does this. I heard from mutual friend C that B spent the morning crying her eyes out. I would too! What can I say to B that will help her?
Take a moment to soak the thought in: after throwing the shower and being involved in every decision making field trip, a bridesmaid was removed from the wedding party for being the shape she’d apparently been when she was asked in the first place. She’s done the work, supported the bride, and given a party, but she doesn’t get to take her place at the bride’s side on the wedding day because apparently one fat bridesmaid means nobody will even notice the woman in the big white dress with all the lines.
Want to know what Carolyn replied? Here it is:
Carolyn Hax: Everything you hope to accomplish, you can accomplish in one move: End your friendship with A (which obviously includes dropping out of the wedding). When A asks, tell her exactly why. B doesn’t even need to hear it from you; it’ll make its way around. I hope C follows your lead.
When choosing a wedding party, there are things far more important to consider than whether your wedding album looks like a pile of stock photos for a wedding magazine. Choose people you love, choose clothes for them that make them look and feel their best, thank them for any help they give, and I guarantee that your pictures will look fabulous because they’re filled with people you love.