A friend sent me a link to a doubleX feature entitled The Humiliation of the Bouquet Toss. Clicking it, I found myself hoping for a deep discussion about the implications inherent in lining up the single women so they can lunge at a tossed flower arrangement in the hopes of being the next to marry. Instead I found myself reading a debate about weddings and the pull of traditions.
Ah, well. The bouquet toss remains something I’m curious about. At most of the weddings I’ve attended in the past few years, no bouquet was tossed. At the weddings where the bouquet toss did happen, it felt like most of the participants were on the parquet reluctantly and retreaded when the bride let fly, though I did go to one wedding where the bouquet toss was greeted enthusiastically *and* the groom removed the garter with his teeth! When I was kid, however, all of the weddings I attended included a bouquet toss and a garter toss.
Now, a quick search tells me that there’s no shortage of toss garters out there, which means that someone, somewhere is tossing bouquets and garters at their wedding receptions. But they’re sure not doing it in my social circle. I made a toss bouquet, just in case, but never really intended to use it. What I’m curious about is whether the bouquet toss has just become a relic among today’s brides or whether my not encountering them has more to do with my location (the northeastern U.S.), my culture (recent European descent on mom’s side, daughters of the Revolution on my dad’s side) or my age group (late 20s to early 30s). Maybe Hispanic gals in their early 20s in the Midwest are flinging bouquets with impunity?
I’m not suggesting you have the answer — though if you do, spill! — but I would like it if you’d be so kind as to participate in a little poll and then explain yourself, if you wish, in the comments!
As a divorcee in a longstanding relationship where we may or may not make it legit, I feel like I should be excused from the whole thing, but despite the fact that, as we’re in our 30s and the number of single people is dwindling, everyone still has one and my polite refusals are ignored, so I have to be quite forceful to get my point across that no, I don’t want to participate. What if my guy and I choose not to ever have a formal ceremony, will it be me and the lesbians (who must find it a sore subject as well) and the teenage relatives? Pass.
I did not want to do a bouquet/garter toss. I wanted to give my toss bouquet to the lady of the longest-married couple at the married people dance. Having been to scads of weddings before I was engaged, I never enjoyed standing there, all attention on my singleness. And the garter is just awkward to me. But… people in my family who havent been to as many weddings were really sad that I didn’t want to do the tosses. And we had this beautiful Juliet balcony to throw from. So… in the end, we did the tosses, but did them inside because it was below freezing outside with the balcony. it didn’t hurt anyone and high schoolers at the wedding got the bouquet and garter. 🙂
I find both the bouquet and garter toss to be distasteful at best. I will not have either at my wedding, although I like the idea of giving the bouquet to the longest-married couple in attendance.
Making a scrambling joke of the singleness of the ladies, and throwing my underwear to the single men, simply disgusts me. Ick.
There have been several garter/bouquet tosses at the weddings of my friends. When they are about to happen, I quietly slip out of the room to powder my nose. I don’t want to have to explain why I am offended at the practice, or detract from the fun that the bride and groom choose to have at their own wedding. However, I won’t be a part of it. Gross.
I went to a wedding once where they dragged all 4-5 of us single women there out onto the floor, she threw the bouquet, and it landed on the floor. Finally, someone decided to bite that bullet and pick the stupid thing up. Maybe a good approach would be to informally poll the attendees to see if they’re interested, so that you don’t end up embarrassing them and yourself with the outcome.
I tossed mine but no one was forced to participate and it was really fun. My 9 year old cousin caught it and was so excited about the flowers. You’d have thought she won the lottery. 🙂 I tossed my real bouquet, not a “toss” bouquet because we got married in a state we don’t live in and we were heading out of the country for our honeymoon so the bouquet couldn’t come with us.
That said, I don’t think it should be something ladies should be forced to participate in. And I find it utterly distasteful for the guy who catches the garter to put it on the girl who catches the bouquet. Gross. Totally gross. (btw: my garter was caught by the 13 year old son of a close friend of mine)
I’ve always made a point of retiring to the ladies room whenever the bouquet toss was happening. I think it’s condesending. And the garter thing – even worse! It just objectifies the bride as a sexual commodity. Horrid customs, both of them. Let’s move towards making weddings about the love the couple shares and the guests enjoyment of the festivities without humiliating anyone.
I think after a certain age you are less likely to want to catch it. I haven’t gotten up to catch it in years. So when our wedding came around, I decided we weren’t going to subject anyone to that. Instead we gave flowers to all the women who were important to us. It went over real well.
I’m early thirties western United States.
We did a bouquet toss but not a garter toss. I didn’t really want to save my preserve my flowers, pretty as they were (I mean, after all, there’s enough stuff to save), but we avoided the whole sleeze factor of the garter removal and tossing.
The garter thing. I had no idea. I caught the bouquet at a friend’s wedding 18 years ago. They told me the garter guy was going to put the garter on my leg and I thought they were joking. I had never heard of that custom. NEVER. I was appalled. I didn’t know this guy. I did not want him touching me or my leg. I was horrified. Absolutely appalled. If I had known I would have been subjected to all that, I would have made more of an effort to avoid the bouquet.
I have to agree with the way one reader put it, the garter thing really does have a sleaze factor to me also and makes me uncomfortable, so not garter toss for me. I’m 40 and have been to a lot of weddings. The garter toss doesn’t happen much anymore but that darn bouquet toss is alive and well in California. Just last year I went to a wedding where all the single ladies were pretty much forced to gather for the toss. I think it’s hilarious that someone else also wrote about the bouquet landing on the floor because that’s what happened. There was no diving for it, no enthusiasm. No bouquet toss for me!
I was AT Giggles’ wedding, and was highly relieved to not be forced into a “hey look who’s still single” display in the bouquet toss and an ancient “let’s help undress the bride so they can consummate the wedding” garter thing.
I may toss flowers just because it’s fun, but I WILL NOT do the garter. bleh.
(Mid-30s, Western US)
I like the idea of asking all married couples on the dance floor, then someone asks “Anyone married less than one day please leave the floor”…then “anyone married less than one year please leave the floor” then “anyone married less than 5 years, please leave the floor”……etc. etc. until only one couple is left….then give her the bouquet!….as more a symbol of last-commitment. Just a thought.
Just a note for those brides that had the toss “but we didn’t force anyone into it!” Just because you personally didn’t go around berating singles into getting out on to the floor (and kudos for that) it doesn’t mean they they didn’t feel pressure from others, like the people sitting at their table.
I say unless you’re pretty sure that you have friends/family who will happily and willingly come out to the floor (like, say, you have a bunch of outgoing single sorority sisters in attendance) then why put your guests through that just for the sake of a photo op?
i did the bouquet toss, opened it to singles of either gender, and offered a bottle of champagne to whoever caught it. now, that bouquet did not hit the floor! and no garter… ew.
When my husband & I married in 1998, I did a bouquet toss, but no garter toss. However, if I were to get married now, I wouldn’t do it. It just becomes less fun as you get older.
At the last wedding I attended, the bride had a gorgeous bouquet of calla lilies, wrapped tightly with ribbon.
When the time came for her to throw the bouquet, there was a fairly large crowd of women–and men–on the floor. She launched that sucker like a javelin over her shoulder, and the crowd parted like the Red Sea. The combination of the wrapping and the weight of the lily stems made her bouquet a lethal weapon.
If ever I get married again, it’ll either be with no flower-throwing at all, or with flower-throwing that approaches an extreme sport.
I’ve been to many weddings here in small-town midwest, and most of them have had the bouquet toss, and about half of those had the garter toss, too. Garter tossing seems to be dwindling – it’s only been happening at the more, er, redneck (in a nice way!) weddings.
I’ve been to one wedding where they did the dance and everyone seemed to love it. The bouquet (and a special dessert, I think??) went to the groom’s great aunt and uncle who’d been married over 60 years! It was so sweet.
The most embarrassing bouquet toss I’ve ever been involved in was at the wedding of a dear friend. The families were strict Southern Baptist and the reception didn’t have drinking or dancing, and I was pretty surprised that they even did the tosses (but I think it was mostly something to fill up the otherwise scant reception). There were also only about 30 people at the ceremony, and like, 4 single girls and guys. When I finally got up there with the sister of the bride (who was a bridesmaid) and one other friend who was already engaged and a girl who let us all know she was in no way going to catch the damn flowers, we were all a little wary. Once the bouquet went up into the air, all 3 other girls took a step back, so it was flying right at me. They told me after they all decided I needed the help more. Gawd.
Personally I’m not a fan of either the garter toss or the boquet toss. I doubt I will include either, however I did see a cute idea on Martha Stewart about tossing several “Fortune Bouquets” instead ( http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/good-things/fortune-bouquets .) This seems like a nice way to have the toss without undressing anyone, and it could be opened to anyone who wanted to participate instead of just “all the single ladies”.