Comments on: Too Feminine? (or There’s a Guy In Here Somewhere)

By: ben the groom

ben the groom — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:34:07 +0000

Great post! Yea no matter how hard the groom works it seems its a brides affair, but even for me, a groom getting involved, its ok. It’s one of the grooms jobs to make sure her universe is orbiting just the way she wants!

By: Bruce

Bruce — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 05:06:10 +0000

In my 28 years of producing wedding videos I’ve had a few where the groom actually did most of the planning, decorating, venue selection, etc. We often hear the term bridecilla. Can you say groomzilla? I’ve met a few.

Grooms should be encouraged to take a more active role in the wedding planning process.

By: monkeyparts

monkeyparts — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 17:32:49 +0000

oooooohhhh, my husband-to-be has FIRM ideas about what our wedding will be like. And after a happy decade together, I was shocked by the proposal and happy to let him make a lot of decisions – he’d already picked out the place, date, music, ring-maker, officiant, etc.

Which is really unusual. We generally do lots of talking, processing and vascillating before making big changes – but somehow he got swept up in wedding fever. I think that’s key – the excitement brings energy to opinions. As I’ve gotten more used to the idea, I’ve gotten more excited and have started to exert more influence on the planning – but it definitely is not a very “feminine” ceremony.

By: La BellaDonna

La BellaDonna — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:09:54 +0000

NtB: I agree with you absolutely; I had a groom who was very interested in and involved in even minute aspects of our wedding … except, of course, the work involved. Most of THAT was left to me to deal with. (And I have to confess that, even at the time, it didn’t strike me as odd; it took YEARS for me to see that it a) wasn’t fair; and b) was symptomatic of our relationship.)

That unhappy little squib aside, I think most people assume that a marriage is the joining of two lives, and surely the wedding should reflect that? Unfortunately, the WEDDING generally reflects a much older assumption: This is the one day where the BRIDE gets to shine, because the rest of her marriage is going to be devoted to her husband and/or her family. This is the one occasion where the bride’s wishes will be considered important.

Not that that isn’t an unhappy little squib in its own right, also! I think if most brides were asked if that was truly what they expected to occur after marriage (that is, the wedding is the one day/wife subordinate ever after, etc., etc.), there would be a lot of appalled and resounding “NOs!” However, that doesn’t mean there aren’t many people (brides-to-be and grooms-to-be alike) who DO have that subconscious expectation – which is why a lot of Princess Brides don’t get backed down from some of their unreasonable expectations for their One Big Day.

If it were viewed, instead, as a celebration of two lives joining, surely it should reflect the preferences of both of those people, rather than one running roughshod over the other – and both people should be involved in the work of planning, as well.