The lovely Jeannette sent me a link to The 7 Biggest Fattest Wedding Complaints, and I was looking forward to seeing what they were. Now having read them, I’m still not sure what’s fat about them, other than the complain that deals specifically with too much fried food, and I’m kind of disappointed. I was hoping to get some insight into the minds of guests – what are their wedding pet peeves, really? But for the most part, the essay dealt with menu choices and the always contentious cash bar.
All Fried Food
While haute comfort food is whimsical, trendy, and hard-to-resist (Gourmet fried chicken! Sustainably-farmed sliders! Duck fat fries!), try to avoid a menu that’s excessively fatty. Include a few healthful appetizers into the rotation to give your diet-conscious guests a break — and potentially more energy on the dance floor.
No Veggie Option
According to an April 2008 poll, 3.2 percent of Americans claim to be vegetarians, and 10 percent claim to follow a “vegetarian-inclined” diet. So, for the sake of 3-10 percent of your guests, try to incorporate a meat-free entree option or a few hearty veggie-friendly sides and appetizers.
Never-Ending Waits for Food Service
Wedding reception purgatory: We’ve all been there. Standing in a hotel courtyard or milling in front of a church, overdressed, underfed, sneaking a glance at your watch while making pained small talk. While logistics of event planning vary, the bride and groom should take care to ensure that guests are not left waiting for an hour or more with nothing to do, eat, or drink. Low blood sugar is not conducive to celebrating.
I can’t say I disagree with the three pet peeves able, but overall it’s not a particular stirring list. Sure, waiting to eat or worse, watching others eat while you’re still ages away from being served sucks. And while I’d have a field day at an all-fried wedding reception buffet, I know a ton of people whose disgust would equal my excitement.
And anecdote time: I’m happy to say I’ve never been to a wedding that didn’t have at least some vegetarian option, though I’ve been to at least one where the veggie option was pretty nasty, obviously just something thrown together in the kitchen with no forethought or presentation (which wouldn’t have been a problem if they hadn’t known any veggies would be there and the meaty option hadn’t been dressed to the nines). Conversely, I’ve been to at least one wedding where the veggie option happened to be the most delicious choice, and we ate our meals while all our carnivorous tablemates remarked on how they wish they’d chosen it instead. Make the veg option something yummy and I’ll love you forever. While you’re at it, make sure there’s something nice for the gluten free set or whoever, if you specifically know a loved one has issues.
As for the rest, who is this terrible caterer who didn’t anticipate that at least one or two guests, upon seeing that gorgeous piece of salmon, would swear up and down that they’d chosen it and not the less appealing beef wellington? And do guests really care one way or the other if the bride and groom (or bride and bride or groom and groom) want to smash cake up each other’s noses? Some couples would prefer that their faces remain frosting-free. Others are already planning their cake smashing strategies. Big enough deal to be a wedding reception pet peeve? I think not.
Now I am curious to know what really irritates you when you’re attending a friend or relative’s wedding… maybe you cannot stand when the bussers are so efficient that you can’t leave your table without posting a guard, lest you come back to find your plate, drink, or roll gone. Perhaps it’s the dj who is just a tad too pushy, badgering guests to wear sombreros and giant novelty glasses. It might even be reception venues that are just wayyy too far from the ceremony venues with which they’ve been paired. Or maybe you just really @#$%ing hate doughnut cakes and their ilk.
Go on, dish! Consider your comment a service to brides- and grooms-to-be everywhere!