Comments on: LOVE/HATE: The “Mine, All Mine!” Edition

By: wildflower

wildflower — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 23:34:15 +0000

When I gave my abusive ex-husband the boot after a brief marriage, I gave all of his family heirloom jewels back to his mother, and gave all of the jewelry that he bought me new to the local animal shelter, where they had a local designer polish them up and rework them as necessary. They were auctioned at a charity auction, which means they probably got top dollar! That made me feel good.

By: Anne

Anne — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 03:21:48 +0000

It really should depend on the circumstances. If the engagement was broken off on more or less good terms where the party who purchased the ring wants the other party to keep it and do with it what they see fit, then it’s perfectly fine. Same if the purchasing party is abusive or whatever.

And an alternative to pitching rings no longer need it: donate it to some charity or something.

By: Snuze

Snuze — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 07:43:29 +0000

In Islam, the party who broke off the engagement are supposed to return all the gifts (engagement rings included) to the party who gifted it. Unless explicitly told by the giver that the other party may keep the gifts.

By: Twistie

Twistie — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 14:46:34 +0000

Most states and Miss Manners agree that the lady should give the ring back. If – as some of you have experienced – the gentleman prefers the lady to keep it (and to be fair, most men have little use for a woman’s diamond ring), she is free to do as she pleases with it.

But this story illustrates why it’s a good idea not to give the ring on a traditional gift giving day if there’s any question whatsoever of the relationship falling apart. While she knows perfectly well that the ring is an engagement ring, it was given her on her birthday, which allows her to claim that it was just a birthday gift.

My take? If Mr. Twistie and I had parted ways before marrying, I wouldn’t have wanted to look at the ring again… and he probably wouldn’t have wanted it back, either. In monetary terms it isn’t worth very much, either, so selling it wouldn’t have done much for either one of us.

Maybe we would have taken the Harold and Maude approach and chucked it into the bay.

By: John Price-Engagement Rings Sydney

John Price-Engagement Rings Sydney — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:34:23 +0000

I think the engagement ring is a gift to the bride. My 2 cents worth!

By: Rene W.

Rene W. — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 03:55:24 +0000

That would be a terrible predicument, but it happens… most people I know who have divorced within a year of their marrage, the men have been gentlemen and let the bride keep the ring as a gift. I guess it all comes down to circumstances & maturity.

By: Toni

Toni — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 23:00:18 +0000

Unfortunately, I’ve also been in this position, not because of a broken engagement, but a failed marriage.

We parted on just about the best terms possible, and I offered the ring back, but he told me to keep it. For now, it’s just hanging around in the safe (not that it’s worth THAT much) but I’ve considered eventually having the diamond made into a necklace, or saving up the money for a matching stone, and getting earrings made.

By: HeidiAphrodite

HeidiAphrodite — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 22:34:26 +0000

My case was interesting. My ex didn’t have a job at the time he proposed, and I already had a collection of shiny rings, so we used one of my own as a temporary engagement ring until he could get one designed for me. He wanted me to wear the diamond and pink sapphire ring I bought for myself when I turned 30, and that just made it even more special. After a couple of weeks, he showed me the sketch of the “real” ring, which was gorgeous and very symbolic to the two of us. When he dumped me, I made my mom put my ring away so I wouldn’t have to see it. The day I reclaimed it as MINE that I bought for MYSELF was a pretty amazing day for me. Sure, I remember it as part of a hard engagement and even harder breakup (it came out of nowhere), but it’s also a ring I bought to celebrate who I was. I wear it with pride now.

I took a metal smithing/jewelry making class the summer after the break-up, and I remember melting some metal with a torch and thinking that I’d have given the “real” engagement ring back to him, but melted into a ball with the diamond in the middle of it, because I wouldn’t have wanted to be reminded of his lies. ha ha.

If this ever happens to me again (heaven forbid), I’ll give the ring back. I wouldn’t want it hanging around anywhere near me. He can deal with it.

It’s a hard thing to go through, and the ring shouldn’t cause any more tension and stress and pain that it already has. Get rid of it. Be done.

By: La Petite Acadienne

La Petite Acadienne — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 22:33:31 +0000

I had a situation like this actually. I was engaged, and we were young, and had no idea how to make a relationship work, so we just started drifting apart.

After awhile we knew it wasn’t going to work. We were both very, very sad about it — we loved each other, but we just didn’t know how to be together.

I offered the ring back. He knew that I wanted to go back to school, and told me to take the ring, and to sell it, and to put it towards my tuition.

So that’s what I did, and I now have a fantastic career. Last I heard of him, he was married, with kids, and also had his dream job as a pilot, so it seems like karma worked out for him and repaid him for his kindness to me — and I’m very happy about that and wish him nothing but the best.

By: Cassie

Cassie — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:25:22 +0000

I’ve always felt that there is separate etiquette about broken engagements; to wit, that who gets the ring is the person who didn’t break off the relationship. Unless there’s something extenuating, like infidelity, abuse, or something like that, of course.

I’m also going to say that, if the woman keeps it, it may be crass to sell the ring, but any number of men whose fiancees break the engagement sell them. They can count it as recouping their losses, but it’s not like they’re getting all Miss Havisham over the ring either.