Ever notice that there’s a lot of negativity in the wedding world? I feel like once upon a time – maybe before my time – you could have a wedding, and if you said your vows, fed people, had some music, cut the cake, and the newlyweds behaved graciously, people wouldn’t worry too too much about the specifics. But now, oh, now! It’s getting to be that the poor brides posting on message boards are so afraid to offend anyone with their choices that they’re too terrified to actually make any! And that’s on top of brides fearing that someone will judge their weddings not swanky enough, tacky, or whatever.
No matter where you turn, someone is making fun of something that somewhere, a bride-to-be is probably thinking of doing. And since we’re all doing everything on the Internet, there’s a pretty good chance that said bride-to-be will encounter someone putting her ideas down. In an article on Brides.com, April Winchell (of Regretsy fame) outlines a few “‘Money-saving’ Ideas That Will Cost You Your Dignity”, and I have to admit the piece made me rather sad. Here’s a sample of the aforementioned ideas that are apparently dignity drains.
“Toast with white wine instead of Champagne: Champagne can get expensive, and not everyone likes the carbonation.”
I’m sure lots of people will strenuously object to toasting your marriage with Champagne. “How was the wedding?” “It was okay, except for the carbonation. That was a downer.”
You know, some people don’t like dressing up, either. Maybe you should ask everyone to come in sweatpants, and you can all eat pizza over the sink.
“…do away with alcohol altogether and have a coffee bar! Guests can get cappuccinos, espressos, or even decaf.”
Sheet cake and decaf! It’s like Saturday night at the nursing home, only not as fun.
And now that you’ve ruined dinner, how about saving the planet?
Okay, okay, I know the article was more than a little tongue-in-cheek and Winchell even says outright that not everyone approaches saving money in the same way…”My reasonable expense might be your ridiculous extravagance. Your sensible cost-cutter might give me a headache from rolling my eyes.” But really, I have to go with hate on this one. I don’t hate the article, of course. It makes some great points about prioritizing and not trying to overdo the budget wedding substitutions. What I hate is the mean-spirited attitude behind it, which seems to be so pervasive in the world of weddings.
You don’t have a tiered cake? That’s not wedding cake! You’re not serving alcohol? Guess your dry reception will suck. You’re walking down the aisle to what now? Don’t you respect tradition? Your father isn’t giving you away? You’re doomed to divorce! You hear these things everywhere, from brides-to-be, former brides, and people in no way associated with any current weddings, but by gum, they’re going to weigh in.
My guess is that none of you lovely people reading this is going to say you love nasty bridal snarking. But does this get your goat, too? Or am I being too sensitive?
Gorgeous image via The Sweetest Occasion
Christa, if you’re too sensitive, so am I. The sniping that gets directed at brides and grooms for basic choices drives me bonkers. You’re serving an all-vegetarian meal or skipping the alcohol? You’re a terrible host and you don’t care about your guests’ comfort! You’re toasting with Champagne? But so many people hate Champagne, serving it just because you like it is so selfish! You’re not toasting with Champagne? But everyone loves bubbly, you’re being so cheap! There’s no way to win, no way to please everyone.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: a lot of people need to work on accepting hospitality graciously. Not every wedding we attend is going to be exactly the kind of party we ourselves would have planned. If you can’t deal with that, you should send regrets instead of coming to the party and whining about everything all night long. And if you’re not even invited, if you’re reading about a perfect stranger’s wedding plans on the internet … seriously, why do you care? Does s/he *really* deserve to be attacked as history’s worst monster for not serving bubbly or for having eclairs instead of cake?
My own wedding is less than a month away, and the only person I’ve heard sniping from at all, during ALL of the planning, is from my own dear, sweet, well-intentioned mother.
I’m a big Manolo Brides fan, but also enjoy a plunge over into Offbeat Bride. Perhaps showing my mom the Offbeat Bride site was a mistake, because she apparently thought it was a site for mocking. Mom: “What is WRONG with that girl? Why is she wearing a RED DRESS? And showing off all those tattoos! *cluckcluck*” Me: “I don’t know, I think it fits her personality. She obviously loves her body art, and a traditional dress doesn’t look like her thing.” Mom: *LOOK OF ABJECT HORROR*
I personally have the opposite problem with Wedinator: many of the weddings mocked over there I actually find sweet and assume that it’s exactly what the bride and groom planned.
I mean, the only thing I personally feel is simply Not Done is having a cash bar – doesn’t matter if it’s alcohol or coffee, if I’ve got to pay for it, I don’t feel like a guest. Oh, and opening all the gifts at the reception, so two things. But am I going to walk up to a bride or groom and say, “WTF is WRONG with you?” Of course not. It’s their party.
If there’s a commitment, a celebration, and an opportunity to mingle, then HUZZAH: it’s a wedding. All the other details, I think, are on the level of “open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?” DOESN’T REALLY MATTER. (For the record, Sid Family Standard Operating Procedure is “open ONE present if you managed to stay awake through Midnight Mass, open the rest Christmas morning.”)
I think she was being silly, but it didn’t really work out. Not my most favorite article. I do love Regretsy though.
I just want to add that “wedding tradition”, in general, is highly overrated. Lots of wedding traditions are less than 100 years old and most are only traditions in one part of the world. So things like paper invitations, a cake and a white dress seem really important in the States right now, but somewhere else, those same “traditional” elements would be looked upon with surprise and bemusement.
Bottom line: It’s all subjective, so do what you want! My one requirement would be to be nice to your guests.
I think that it is the bride and grooms wedding – not the critics!
sara
http://www.momentsofeleance.com
A wedding should be what the bride and groom want it to be. This is their celebration and the rest are witnesses and hopefully supporters. ANY criticism of their choices is beyond tacky to me, it is mean spirited. I have types of weddings I like best, granted, but it isn’t up to me to try to impose them on anyone.
From a twice over mother of the groom with 2 WONDERFUL daughter-in-laws, all I asked was to tell me clearly how I can help.
I think a wedding is whatever the bride and groom choose. It doesnt really matter as long as they love each other and at the end of the day they are married.