When ‘I Do’ Means the Kids, Too
The usual assumption is that weddings are about two people. Sometimes, though, they involve more. Two, three, four, or even more than that. No, I’m not talking about polygamy. I’m talking about when one or both new spouses already have children.
If the kids involved are old enough to have a good idea of what’s going on, it’s a good idea to involve them in the process, if they’ll participate. But how to go about it?
The first key is to follow the child’s lead about what (s)he is comfortable doing. Some kids are happy to take a very public part in the wedding, while others are too shy even if they are privately happy about the upcoming marriage.
A fairly young child who is not given to stage fright might want to be flower girl or ring bearer. One who is just a little older might be willing to act as a bridesmaid or groomsman, or even escort one parent down the aisle. Other possibilities include doing a reading or singing a solo. Ask what your child feels comfortable with doing.
Even if your child chooses not to be a part of the wedding party, (s)he might want a part in the ceremony. Consider making parental vows to them, or even giving each child a symbolic piece of jewelry to symbolize the new relationship.
One thing I would recommend, even if you plan to take the kids with you on your honeymoon, consider leaving them with a relative or trusted sitter on your wedding night. You can probably use one night by yourselves no matter how devoted you are to your children.
When my mother inlaw remarried she had two kids as did her intended. The youngest was my then boyfriend. They decided to include their children by having them hold the chuppah (marriage canopy in Judaism). It was a lovely way to include everyone in the ceremony.
@Sarah G: That’s a wonderful way to include them all!
I love including children in the ceremony but I don’t believe that they should go on the honeymoon. That is the time for the newlyweds to be with each other. When you return from the honeymoon, do something extra special with your children. Happy relaxed parents are the best gift to children.
As is truly said, “Children are messengers of the God”.