Wedding guests, be good!
The Bride-to-Be Is the Point Person for Wedding Info
The bride-to-be is busy. Ever heard of wedding stress? Family is the number one reason for wedding stress, but simple busyness comes in at a close second. Sure, there’s plenty of downtime in the wedding planning process, but there is also plenty for the bride-to-be to do. Especially as the wedding date looms ever closer. Now there are those wedding guests who literally know no one other than the bride (old middle school chums, for instance) and so can’t exactly dial up the MOH out of the blue, but most other guests will know someone, like the MOB for instance, who can answer questions like “Will there be a vegetarian option at the reception” or “Would a summer suit be appropriate attire?”
There Is an Implied +1 or ‘and Guest’ On Your Wedding Invitation
This is one of those areas where weddings bring out the worst in people. It would never occur to me, were I invited to a conference or luncheon or going away party, to RSVP or worse yet, to just bring an “and guest” out of the blue. Then again, I take invitations at face value and there are apparently a whole lot of people who don’t. To avoid confusion, experts like myself recommend that everyone who is invited to a wedding be listed by name on the wedding invitation. That way, no one can claim ignorance.
The Couple Must Provide Free Booze/Cake/Hors d’Å“uvres/Etc.
What the couple is responsible for is serving some form of refreshments at the reception. Things the couple is not responsible for include helping you get your crunk on, making sure what is served is your favorite ever food, or having so much on hand to eat that wedding guests actually have to remove their pants after dinner. The wedding reception meal is one brunch or lunch or dinner out of a guest’s life, yet some guests get really cranky about it. And they shouldn’t. It would be entirely impossible for brides and grooms to take every single dietary particularity into account when planning the reception menu. Don’t like it? Don’t eat it, and don’t complain.
You Should Bring a Gift to the Wedding
Gifts for the bride and groom are an expected courtesy, and one made extra simply by the existence of online wedding registries that let you choose presents in your pajamas and have them sent along to the happy couple’s home. These days, no one other than the UPS man has to lug wedding gifts around. While I do see wedding gift tables set up at most receptions, bringing a gift to the wedding means that someone will be responsible for bringing said gift home from the wedding. And don’t brides and grooms and their families have enough to do post-reception without adding lugging gifts to the mix? Even if you don’t buy off the wedding registry – and you don’t have to – have your wedding gift sent along to the happy couple in advance of the big day.
What are your wedding guest pet peeves?
Thanks for posting this!
Right after my husband and I showed up at the reception place and were in the middle of frantic meeting-and-greeting and hugging and whatnot, my MOH’s husband (who has a myriad of obscure allergies) elbowed his way through to me and demanded to know what in the buffet he could and could not eat. Not even a “are there nuts in this?” but actually “What on that buffet can I eat?”. …Evidently he expected me to have a list of all guests’ food allergies memorized on my wedding day. huh.
How about that you can RSVP whenever you want, like last minute is okay, or even it shows up after the wedding or the day before. Doesn’t exactly do the bride and groom much good then!
GREAT post! I am so glad someone is clearing up some of these wedding guest misconceptions, as some of them are my biggest pet peeves as well! I linked this to my blog -www.WedInMexico.org, which discusses destination weddings in Mexico. I’m also on Twitter @WedInMexico. Thanks again!
The tip on the invitations is great… you never know when somebody plays dumb and brings an extra guest. But it is also good to invite people by couples (“bring a friend” like) that way you can also avoid the unexpected. Nicole XO
It’s not a huge deal, but the assumption that a) the bride’s mum/dad paid for it all, and/or organised it all. The comments arising got a little irksome after a while. And this one is probably just me, but the assumption (very common) that I’d be taking my new husband’s name. I’m didn’t even become a Mrs, as I have been a Dr for 7 years now, and we double barrelled, but the number of times people assumed I would be Mrs “husband surname”…
That said, it could be just me being grumpy and I tried to respond with unfailing good grace and humour 🙂
@Jo: It’s been eighteen years and I’m STILL dealing with the assumption that I share a surname with Mr. Twistie. I don’t. And considering that more than a third of women in my state don’t take their husbands’ names (and haven’t for a long, long time), you’d think it might occur to at least a few people to check.
Hawaii was the last holdout state to require women to change their names on marriage, and even they changed the law on that in the early eighties.
Oh, this isn’t a wedding guest thing, quite, but I went to a low-key bachelorette (watch movies with hot men, eat tasty things, and do mendhi) thing this past weekend for a friend who’s getting married several states away. I baked, and also chipped in towards the hotel suite where we had it.
One of the other girls (who just bought paper plates and napkins) had the gall to ask the organizer “So, am I getting reimbursed for this? It’s not like I’m invited to the wedding or anything.” o.O I couldn’t believe. Most of the people there weren’t invited, since it is several states away and their budget is tiny. YEESH.
Parents who, at children-included receptions, believe that their little darlings have the right to run rampant between the tables, butt into the buffet line (should one exist), take over the dance floor, and in general demand everyone’s attention. I can tolerate it from any under-aged attendants and / or one of the happy couple’s children, but otherwise…
Also on my list are parents who will not leave the party to take their children home / up to the hotel room and put them to bed before they make a scene of epic proportion because they are up way past their bedtime or have hit the wall re: their tolerance of strange people and food. But then I have that problem with parents who drag their children anywhere in public when they are tired or hungry.
Oh, absolutely, GRITSinMisery – and I’m especially with you wrt the parents dragging tired and hungry kids around. With my own, a lot of people in my circle have wondered why we don’t DO more or go out more. And it’s because I know my child and how much tolerance she has for missing her nap or staying up late. Things like dragging her out to watch 9 p.m. fireworks, for example, or yes, an evening wedding, are pretty much an automatic no go.