Manolo for the Brides

Finish this sentence:

Money….
A) is the root of all evil
B) makes the world go around
C) makes my head spin like the girl in The Exorcist
D) changes everything

Chances are if you’re in the throes of planning a wedding budget – or trying to stick to one – you’re rapidly learning it doesn’t go as far as you’d like it to. With the national wedding budget average hovering in the neighborhood of twenty grand, and some regions (New York and San Francisco, I’m looking at you) breaking into hysterical laughter at the concept that someone could ever throw a wedding on such a paltry sum, it’s easy to assume that you’ll need a sudden lottery jackpot win, or at least a hefty personal loan, to get you to the alter in reasonable financial shape.

Look, I’m not going to sugar coat this. If you don’t have a lot of cash, then it’s a lot harder to put on a significant wedding bash. Everything from clothes to party decorations to food to facility rental costs money. Some of these things may seem to cost more than they’re worth. But there are ways to help you have the wedding of your dreams without winding up in huge amounts of debt. And I’m going to share five of these tips right now.

1) Be ruthless in cutting extras. No matter what the Wedding Industrial Complex tells you, 98.3% of all wedding ‘necessities’ are actually optional extras. The only things that are actually required are: two consenting adults, anywhere from one to three witnesses depending on the rules where you live (and there are a couple places where, under certain circumstances you don’t need witnesses), a marriage license, and a legally-authorized officiant.

So if you don’t like (or are allergic to, or just can’t afford) flowers, you don’t have to have them. If you can’t feed a hundred people, you don’t have to invite them (though etiquette would very much frown on inviting them and then sending them home hungry). You’re just as married even if you don’t choose to wear rings.

In short, the things that make the budget hard to keep to are pretty much all optional extras. Many are traditions, some are fashion trends, and you may well want every single one. I certainly have no problem with that. But once you recognize that most of the expected wedding things aren’t strictly necessary, it frees you to think about which ones matter to you, and which ones don’t.

Suddenly you can choose a dress out of your own closet or find something from an alternate source, pass on things like napkins printed with your names in favor of plain ones, and drive off from your reception in your own car.

If it doesn’t matter to you and it’s not a legal necessity, you can cut it blithely. The Wedding Police will not get you.

2) Barter and DIY may be your friends. I won’t say they are your friends, because it really depends on what you’re good at, what you need, and how much time you have. If the only thing you ever baked was a box of brownie mix and it failed miserably, don’t try to make your own wedding cake. If you can’t sew, your first project categorically should not be your own wedding gown. But, if you can sew, consider making your own or the bridesmaids’ gowns, or even making tablecloths and napkins from fabric you have in your stash. If you’re a really good baker, consider making your own cake. If you have a green thumb and some space to work with, consider growing your own flowers.

And if you have something to offer a professional, well, you may be able to shave quite a bit off your wedding budget in exchange for your skill and time.

Couples have gotten free wedding cakes in exchange for website design skills, venue rental in exchange for a period of janitorial efforts, formal portraits for babysitting services, and all manner of other great deals. Of course not every professional is open to barter, and not every couple has what the professionals they’d like to work with need. But the only way you’ll know is to ask. Just be prepared that sometimes the answer is no. Oh, and double check the tax liabilities before you start. One party or both may be liable for taxes on goods or services provided via a barter system. That, however, is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of buying or renting without scratching someone’s back.

3) Get contracts from all professionals you use and read them carefully before you sign. The hall you rented seemed like such a great deal. It was only two-thirds the price of the other hall you looked at… only now the things that aren’t included in the basic price are driving your budget through the roof. The baker seemed like a great deal… until you discovered you’re responsible for your own cake delivery and you don’t have a vehicle that will carry it safely.

Contracts are great. They protect both parties. They spell out precisely who is responsible for what and how restitution will be made in case of failure on either part to fulfill the contract. But don’t sign anything until you’ve read it over and discussed any questions or quibbles you have until a satisfactory compromise has been reached.

Be aware of what you can and cannot do under the contract. For instance, a reception venue may require that you use their caterer or select from an approved list. Make sure you’re happy with the caterers you can use before you take the building.

In my own case, the photographer we used required us to have all formal portraits done before the ceremony. This was actually what Mr. Twistie and I wanted so that we could go straight to our own party and have fun rather than hanging around doing portraits after the ceremony. Many other couples, however, wouldn’t have liked that at all. Those couples would have been happier with another photographer. Your priorities do matter. And our venue gave us a choice between using their onsite catering, which was all barbeque, or self-catering. Period. We self-catered. But then my father and I were both really good cooks, we had an extra freezer to hold the food before the big day, and I found making salads the morning of the wedding really relaxing. The same solution wouldn’t have worked for everyone.

4) Keep in mind who is milking this particular frog. There are only two people getting married in this wedding: you and your intended. While it’s always graceful to be aware of and consider the desires and preferences of others, do not allow yourself to be railroaded by friends or family members who aren’t respecting your choices.

If you are paying the bills, you get the final decision, no discussion. But keep in mind that if someone else is footing all or part of the bill, their sponsorship may come with strings attached. Be sure you can live with those strings before you accept the money. Sometimes it’s actually worth it to do without the cash.

5) Remember that if you go over budget in one area, it will have to come out of another. It’s easy to forget how quickly an extra ten dollars here and an extra fifteen dollars there add up. All of a sudden, you’re getting everything you want, but you’re hundreds – or even thousands! – in the hole. Keep accurate records and revisit what you’re spending on what goods and services to make sure you’re not sliding down a slippery slope into debt.

After all, you’ll want some money left over for the honeymoon!

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 15th, 2011 at 2:23 pm and is filed under Advice, Budgets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.