According to R.J. Licata, the dangers include:
- Marrying the wrong girl
- Waiting too long/Proposing too soon
- Buying the wrong ring
- Overspending on the ring
- Being uninformed
- Overlooking an important detail
- Ruining the surprise
- Destroying your nerves
- Letting her down
I think about the only thing he left out was the heartbreak of psoriasis.
Oh, wait! That was a dandruff shampoo commercial in the seventies. My bad.
But Licata has the answer! He has written the book he wishes had existed before he proposed marriage. You know, the one that would have stopped him marrying the wrong girl. Or maybe it was that he was uninformed… or maybe he let her down. It’s hard to tell.
Anyway, whatever the heartbreak involved, Licata turned it into a media empire with The Ultimate Marriage Proposal Guide!
With it, a man can be prepared, informed, and recognize his own girlfriend in a crowd. Er… maybe that wasn’t quite what he meant with the crack about marrying the wrong girl, but my brain does work in mysterious ways its wonders to perform.
Licata will explain why it’s necessary to ask a father’s permission before asking the lady’s… which frankly would have bewildered my father and made me turn down the proposal, because not everyone thinks that way anymore and it’s more important to know what your lady thinks than the opinion of the author of a book designed mostly to disengage you from the contents of your wallet. He’s got the tools to keep you from blabbing the secret to the world before you ask your girl. Seems to me most of us understand the key to keeping a secret is not to tell it to people. Oh, and not to buy a great big book that will give the secret away by the very title of it.
Of course he has testimonials from a whole two guys (Jason in Indianapolis and Jamie in Syracuse) saying why they love this product. In the deathless words of Jamie in Syracuse:
Call me what you will, but I thought my girlfriend deserved a bit more than a piece of jewelry and a commitment.
Look, I have nothing against elaborate proposals when they fit the personalities of both parties involved. I think it’s great that there are guys out there who think the object of their affections deserves something unique. I even thought it was kind of cute when Jamie mentioned doing a scavenger hunt proposal… until I found out the instructions for a scavenger hunt proposal were part of Licato’s full package of goodies, along with the book, a set of checklists, and full access to his wedding proposal forum (a $300 value!).
All this could be yours for just $17. No, really. It’s worth over three hundred, but he’ll sell it to you for less than the price of dinner and a movie with your sweetheart for a limited time… most likely limited to as long as it takes him to unload all the copies of this stuff. After all, there’s that miracle wrinkle cream that’s been claiming to be looking for just one hundred first time users to accept a free jar in my area for the past two years. They keep telling me that’s a limited time offer, too.
This thing just strikes me as more wedding related stuff nobody actually needs.
A nice proposal is a lovely thing. I’m all for hearts, flowers, romantic music, and I’ve got no problem with a guy who goes down on one knee or arranges something he feels sure will make the moment magical for the very specific person he wants to marry.
But in the end, the most important thing a guy needs to know about the person he wants to marry is what actually matters to her. It doesn’t matter whether that’s a huge diamond and champagne or the simple assurance that the question is sincere. You’re proposing to a person, not a lab specimen. There is no one formula that will result in the reaction you want.
Make it about the two of you.
And you can have that advice for free.