Wow. Bet That’ll Work.

Before I get to today’s post, I want to apologize for the lack of posts the past few days. I’ve been down and out with a nasty, potentially fatal virus from the depths of Hades, and it’s really difficult to type a legible sentence that makes any sort of sense whatsoever when one is running a high fever and unable to focus one’s eyes.

At long last I’m better, though, so without more ado, let’s get back to talking wedding stuff, okay? Fabulous!

Or possibly not so fabulous, as in this item currently for sale at The Cheeky:

See? It’s a wedding ring with the words ‘I’m Married’ negative engraved (and how appropriate is that method!) inside. The idea is that if a potential Lothario slips off his wedding band in order to have a little extra-marital hanky-panky, his finger will give him away as the cheating slime-sucker he is. All that in a titanium ring that will set you back just $550.00! Fashion, commitment, and peace of mind all rolled into one!

Except that you know what? It. Won’t. Work.

Either your intended is intending to save it up just for you or (s)he isn’t. Someone who goes in planning to cheat will quickly find ways of getting around a gag like this. Someone who didn’t really plan to cheat but finds themselves irresistibly drawn to another partner down the line and begins a serious affair is most likely going to start it with someone who knows there’s an aggrieved spouse sitting at home. There are people out there who actually prefer to have affairs/one-night stands/random booty calls with people they know to be married. And frankly, even though I have never for a nanosecond even fantasized about cheating on Mr. Twistie, you can bet your bottom dollar I would have walked before agreeing to wear something that assumes I cannot be trusted.

Here’s the thing: whether this is meant seriously or not – and I’m guessing it’s meant to be an expensive joke – the fact is that there are a lot of people out there who want something like this to be a magic bullet against the possibility of being cheated on. But there is no magic bullet. Sexual infidelity does happen in a lot of marriages. Not all, certainly. I don’t have the statistics, but I can tell you flat out there are plenty of couples out there with nothing at all to worry about on that score. But there’s no way to tell in advance and beyond a shadow of a doubt whether you’ll be in one of those lucky couples.

Ultimately all you can do is take a leap of faith, say ‘I do’ sincerely, keep the lines of communication open with your spouse, and hope for the best.

Oh, and don’t ever marry anyone you don’t feel you can trust.

4 Responses to “Wow. Bet That’ll Work.”

  1. Lisa June 28, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

    My favorite thing about this blog is that is always a voice of common sense! I can’t believe that people would enter into a marriage where they need a $500 gadget to give them peace of mind about cheating. Talk about a red flag that says you should rethink your engagement!

    Also, I was so surprised, after getting married, how many people don’t seem to see that as a promise of fidelity at all. In fact, I think I actually got hit-on *more* since putting that ring on my finger. Yuck!

  2. Twistie June 28, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

    The one that shocked me was the number of people who chastised me for not making Mr. Twistie wear a wedding ring, whether he wanted one or not. He doesn’t wear jewelry. He doesn’t even wear a watch. And if I really believed that a piece of jewelry would make the difference between whether or not he would cheat on me… yeah, I wouldn’t have married him in the first place.

    Now if they’d suggested some form of tattoo or scarification to encourage fidelity… nah. There would still be someone out there who found it a turn on.

  3. Jon Ohayon July 2, 2012 at 11:33 pm #

    I could not agree more. And besides, if you decide to commit, then face it and be happy with your decision. I know a a few friends who did stupid things after getting married, and it’s worse than one can think. What’s the purpose of this symbolism if the vows are broken, over and over again.

  4. srah July 5, 2012 at 10:25 am #

    I suppose if a bride/groom WANTED to have this on their finger, it might be kind of a nice gesture, like they have a ring on even when they don’t. It gets weird when you start to picture it being inflicted on them as an anti-cheating mechanism.