Quickie Question: What Assumptions Do You Wish People Wouldn’t Make?


When you announce your engagement, it’s amazing how many people come out of the woodwork with a sure and certain knowledge of what you should do, how you should do it, and precisely what you want.

From the colors you’re going to choose to the style of your veil (which, of course, you will wear, because that’s what every girl wears, you know), to whether you’re going to have a plated or a buffet meal… chances are someone will come up to you and inform you of what your choice is.

I had more than one person ask me when Mr. Twistie was going to do right by me and get me a diamond. After all, that silver frog prince on my finger clearly wasn’t a ‘real’ engagement ring. A good friend of mine decided to make and wear an elaborate wedding gown and veil at least partly in reaction to the number of people who assumed she was just going to choose a simple off white dress without any bridal trappings whatsoever. I’ve known goth couples whose families assumed they would stop doing things the dark way now that they were getting married.

What about you? What odd assumptions have people made about you and how you’re getting married? What decisions do people insist on telling you how to make? Or are you one of the lucky ones who hasn’t experienced this?

6 Responses to “Quickie Question: What Assumptions Do You Wish People Wouldn’t Make?”

  1. dr nic says:

    When my husband and I first got engaged, we picked a wedding date that was about two months before my graduation from medical school. We did this for a number of reasons – I was able to schedule my rotations so I had the month of our wedding as well as the month after completely off – letting us settle in before I started residency. In addition, since I was taking his name, it prevented me from having to jump through all the hoops to get my name changed on my medical degree, license, etc because it would have been legally changed prior to them issuing the degree.

    So what assumption really teed me off? It was the comments that getting married before graduation was a mistake because WHEN we got divorced, that’s right when not if, it would entitle him to half my earnings forever. It was the assumption that we would eventually divorce that really angered and frustrated me. We’ve been married for 8.5 years and it still bothers me.

  2. Twistie says:

    Wow, dr nic! That’s a pretty annoying assumption. I don’t blame you for being bothered to this day. It’s teeing me off.

  3. Lisa says:

    I’m almost too busy being exasperated at what people did to Dr. Nic to think of my own thing!

    I’m German and my husband is American, so for us the most bothersome assumptions where largely on the international front: The Americans assumed that we’d do everything in our wedding the American way (e.g. garter toss, bridesmaid luncheon, etc etc). The Germans thought we were totally weird / quaint / old-fashioned for choosing not to live together until we were married, or really, just for getting engaged in the first place after “only” being in a relationship for a year.

    Now I’m pregnant and the unsolicited advice is starting all over again!

  4. Katie says:

    Luckily, we didn’t really get any assumptions. I did get (from a vendor at a bridal fair) the comment that my ring wasn’t an engagement ring because it’s a sapphire and engagement rings are diamonds! (Luckily the girl with he had more sense!)
    And I had to laugh at the people who told me they could see me in a slim, elegant dress – in another life I might have chosen exactly that, but in this one I wanted full skirted and dramatic!

  5. bridal girl says:

    After I announced my engagement, my sister was more excited than me that she wanted to do the whole wedding planning. She insisted on helping because she thought she knew better than me because she was older and got married already. She was picking the right wedding theme, the food with the caterer and even the wedding date! Luckily my husband, saved me and took control over things.

  6. Valirae says:

    I guess the worst assumption people make about weddings, for me, is that it will be lavish and everything will be expensive regardless of the financial status of the couple. That doesn’t even have to happen to me and it causes the ol’ forehead vein to pop a bit.

    The whole vision that a lot of people immediately have of a gorgeous chapel draped in pristine white silk and festooned (I like that word: “festooned”) in white longstem roses and stephanotis (I hate that word: “stephanotis”; it sounds like a disease) and several bridesmaids and groomsmen, the bride in a big poofy white gown, and the ceremony followed by a big expensive meal…that’s just too much for most couples. And a lot of us don’t even want that.

    I don’t. The perfect wedding for me is a backyard wedding where people bring food and we act a FOOL after the ceremony.