Dear Van Guy….

Stop it. Just stop it.


Is not likely to work very well.

First off, she left you.

I don’t know why she left, but when a woman actually walks out the door, that usually means the relationship is pretty broken. This is probably about a lot more than toilet seats left up or garbage not taken out. If it isn’t about more than that, then do you really want her back? I’m just asking.

It isn’t that I don’t feel your pain. I do. I’m guessing that virtually everyone over the age of twenty has made some grand, foolish gesture to get someone back in their lives, and I’m certainly no exception.

But you know what? Grand, foolish gestures work a lot more reliably in movies than they do in real life. Most of all, a very public proposal combined with a cringing apology? Yeah, that’s not the most romantic gesture you could make. Apologies combined with proposals tend to make women wonder whether it’s that you want to get married, or whether you just think an engagement ring will get you out of the dog house. If Mr. Twistie had proposed to me in the middle of a groveling apology, he would be a single man today.

Face it, man, you blew it. Apologize, sure. Ask for a second chance, okay. But wait until you and Linda have fixed what was broken before you propose.

It shows a lot more respect for both of you than this does.

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