1: If a bridesmaid calls two days before the wedding to drop out of the wedding party because she has just broken her foot and will be unable to walk… it’s because she hates the bride and is determined to sabotage the wedding.
2: If a guest chokes on inedible cake bling… it’s their own damn fault for failing to imagine that you would put inedible real rhinestones on your otherwise edible cake. And that includes the small children attending the affair.
3: People will insist on blowing things out of proportion… like that time you nearly ran them down with your car.
4: If you audition for a show, are tapped to appear on said show, and sign a contract to have your entire life filmed in order to ridicule you on national television, it’s mean of them to hold you to your contract when you decide it isn’t all that fun anymore… like when they won’t stop asking you about the time you nearly ran down the cameraman with your car.
Oh, and bonus lesson #5 which I think I could have guessed going in:
Never ever honk off your tattoo artist in the middle of getting a new tattoo.
Compared to all those other things, that’s just stupid.