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Advice | Manolo for the Brides - Part 20
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Tweeting at Weddings: It’s For the Birds!

Sometimes I just don’t know what the world is coming to.

In hunting for just the right subject for today’s article, I came across this article published in late August in the Huffington Post on the do’s and don’ts of tweeting your wedding.

That’s right, I said tweeting your wedding.

Seriously, does anyone actually think this is a good idea?

Apparently some do. Here’s what two brides-to-be had to say on the subject:

“There are so many details that happen during weddings that it is impossible to remember it all. By opening an online discussion, you’re sharing your big day with everyone and they help you collect and immortalize all of the moments from multiple angles. When you think of it, it’s very intimate.”

I’ve got a better suggestion for both remembering your wedding and getting a feeling of intimacy: spend your time interacting with your guests instead of interacting with the virtual world.


“It’s okay to be bold about who you are and what you do. This is an opt-in world, so you don’t need to worry too much about people being disinterested.”

How nice. You don’t have to worry about boring people with your wedding. That’s lovely. But what about what this says to the people you invited? And what about the people who aren’t bored by your wedding details because they’re too busy resenting the fact that you’re rubbing their noses in the fact that you didn’t invite them to be there?

Trust me, tweeting at the altar or in the middle of your reception dinner is every bit as rude as calling someone on your cell phone under the same circumstances.

I think this lady summed up my feelings perfectly:

“Tweeting won’t be allowed at my wedding. I frown upon people telling others (who weren’t invited and perhaps are resentful) how much fun they are having! I think it’s snobby — ‘I’m here and you weren’t invited!’ How rude. Plus — live in the moment, don’t try to be elsewhere.”

Spend your wedding at your wedding with your new spouse and the people you invited. You can always send out a brief tweet before you retire for the night, if you really must.

What Every Girl Dreams Of

It seems that every wedding coordinator, florist, baker, gown designer, DJ, and caterer knows precisely what every girl has dreamed of all her life for her wedding. They can certainly tell you about it enough. Goodness knows the ones interviewed for reality wedding shows never get tired of the phrase.

The thing is, they aren’t dealing with ‘every girl’ but with you.

‘Every girl’ is generic.

You are unique.

It doesn’t matter whether what you want is the most classic of dreams or something nobody else in the history of weddings has ever imagined possible. What matters is that you are the one dreaming them, and you are the one getting married. Your vendors are working for you. They need to pay attention to your individual needs and desires.

Will you always get precisely what you dreamed of down to the last detail? No. Pretty much nobody gets that. Budget and a dozen other variables can make it nearly impossible – or actually so – to make certain things happen.

What you can expect is that your vendors will listen to what you tell them, discuss your options frankly but with sympathy for your needs, and then do their best to make your specific dreams come true.

So how do you recognize the vendor that will make your planning smoother and more pleasant? Here are a few good signs to look for:


Wedding Imminent? Stick With What You Know.


There are a lot of guides out there that speak to what the bride and/or groom need to do in the week or so before the wedding to ensure that things go smoothly. These are full of great advice like “Pick up your wedding dress from your seamstress” and “Make sure you have the marriage license application.” And of course it’s all great advice, but it doesn’t tell the whole story.

Brides and grooms also need to think about what not to do before the wedding because one can follow all the DOs and still get stung of one doesn’t avoid certain DON’Ts. It might sound self-explanatory, but the reason don’ts are don’ts is because they’re often very tempting! So here’s a short guide of activities to avoid in the week leading up to your wedding day.

Do not, under any circumstances:

  • Drastically change your hair cut or haircolor (unless you’ve had that style or color in the past and know you adore it AND you are going to a trusted stylist). Remember that your wedding photographers will hopefully last a lifetime. As tempting as it is to channel all that pre-wedding stress into a fresh new look, that fresh new look may become the stuff of nightmares when you’re hating it six weeks later. Or worse, on the eve of your wedding!
  • Wax something you’ve never had waxed before. If you’re a seasoned and experienced waxer, then by all means visit a salon to get de-fuzzed. But if you’re a novice and don’t really know what to expect, I suggest staying away. Need a reason? Just imagine yourself standing at the altar in your wedding finery… coping with a bikini line that feels like an itchy firepit. Oh, and the same goes for things like Botox and facial fillers.
  • (more…)

Register Without Complaints

No, you aren’t required to register anywhere for gifts. If you don’t see a need and don’t plan to register, then that’s fine.

On the other hand, there is the sad tale of my sister-in-law’s friend who didn’t register. Every single guest at her wedding gave her a casserole dish, because, hey, who can’t use another casserole dish? The woman who just received eighty-five of them, that’s who.

Registries are expected these days, and couples are getting more imaginative with them, as well. Still, there are a few rules in place, and some advice I can offer. If you’re thinking of setting up a gift registry, look behind the cut for more information.


How to Dress Appropriately for Anyone’s Wedding

Many’s the time I’ve seen a nervous soon-to-be wedding guest panic over what to wear to the big event. It’s a question that comes up again and again in advice columns and Yahoo questions, and around water coolers at multinational corporate offices. Really, though, it’s not that difficult. It’s mostly a matter of common sense combined with a touch of information.

So what are the rules? How to approach the question? Read on and learn, my friends.


Please Join Us For the What Now?

The lovely Rebekah wrote to ask this somewhat complicated question about wedding stationery:

My fiancé and I are eloping later this month. He wanted to get married sooner rather than later, but we’d still like to have a big wedding sometime next year. (Have your cake and eat it too, anyone?) I was thinking that perhaps we could send out wedding announcements combined with a “save-the-date” announcement for a vow renewal and reception. So, how would one word a “We got married and you weren’t there, but you can be at the next one” card without sounding tacky?

First, I’ll tell you what not to do, which is go with the flippant phrasing you used in your question. Not that I think you would, mind, but there are people reading who might just think it’s a good idea because it sounds just a little cheeky. Usually, engagement announcements and save-the-date cards are the place to get a little silly or sarcastic, and wedding invitations are the place to convey the main deets in an elegant and dignified way. Usually.

hollywood wedding chapel

But your stationery will probably be a little different. First, it won’t exactly be a marriage announcement (since it’s also a save-the-date for your reception) or a wedding save-the-date (since you already said your vows). Second, while you want to convey the information in most save-the-date cards, you may want to make it more solemn or serious than not since elopements can cause hurt feelings among those people who reeeaaallly wanted you to have a “proper” wedding. And third, there’s the vow renewal complicating matters. Some couples will have a reception to celebrate an earlier wedding ceremony, but you’ll be throwing a second ceremony in there, too. (As an aside, this stymied The Beard, who wondered why you wouldn’t either keep the elopement a secret and just get married or just have the reception without the vow renewal.)

So to recap, you need wording for a marriage announcement combined with a not-quite save-the-date for a vow renewal with a reception to follow. For those who don’t know, a marriage announcement or wedding announcement announces that a couple is now married and includes details like the bride and groom’s names and the date of the marriage. Maybe a photo of the wedding, too. They are most often sent out when a couple has had a very small wedding or eloped, but they’re typically not serving as save-the-dates.

My advice is to make sure that word gets around that you’re married and that you eloped so you’re not fielding confused phone calls from relatives asking why they weren’t invited to your wedding or “What do you mean, vow renewal?” or “You did what?!” It seems to me just a tad iffy to spring your being married already on people on your save-the-dates. Better that as many people as possible already know if you’re truly sold on the idea of combining marriage announcements with save-the-dates. Once the grapevine has been primed, go with simple, straightforward wording on whatever cardstock floats your boat. Something like:

We Did It!
The newly married Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So
invite you to share in their joy as they
renew their vows and celebrate their marriage
on Saturday, April 10, 2010
Save the date!

This is where I’ll freely admit I had trouble coming up with wording that wouldn’t lead to shocked phone calls or hurt feelings or clucking tongues, but frankly you run the risk of fielding all those things (and more) when you plan a plain old regular wedding. If you want to elope first, do it. The Beard and I contemplated doing the very same thing, so I don’t know where his objections are coming from. Now I’ll open the floor — since this is a toughie, I welcome our awesome readers to give their word suggestions. Let’s help a sister out!

When It’s Necessary Not to Be Too Nice

Just a few days ago, my esteemed colleague wrote an excellent article about why brides sometimes do blow their tops. There are plenty of reasons to lose it during the wedding planning process. One of the most important things you need to know is when being a ‘nice girl’ simply isn’t going to cut it.

The first thing to do is free your mind of fear of the Bridezilla label. It gets used for everything from genuinely abusive behavior to simply reminding the florist that you already said you’d prefer not to use lilies. In other words, the term has lost its meaning while retaining its power over brides terrified of making a misstep. Forget Bridezilla. She’s only going to rear her head if you’re naturally a rather horrible person, and we all know such a person would never read this blog for long.

So when is it necessary to not be a nice girl?


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