When you think of your wedding, chances are you can see a pretty good idea of the clothes you want to wear, whom you want to stand at your side, whether the crowd is large or small…but where do you see it happening?

For some of us, it’s easy to know where to go once we’ve said ‘yes’ because we’ve dreamed of it all our lives. Some couples are members of a particular church or religious community that will serve as the backdrop for their big day. Others have some very specific sort of location in mind. For me it was redwoods. I’m not even that outdoorsy a person, but when I was seven I went to my first non-church wedding. It was held in a redwood grove, and from that day forward I knew that was precisely what I wanted when I got married. A few years before Mr. Twistie and I tied the knot, my brother and his lady found a perfect spot for their wedding, which just happened to be a redwood grove with amenities. I knew it was where I would go when the time came. Others may have the luck that our own NtB had to have a piece of family property that meets their needs and desires, and even comes free.

Most brides and grooms, however, don’t have a convenient place all picked out in advance. They may not belong to a church – or even a religion. They haven’t seen the perfect place when a friend or family member chose it. The only property their families own between them are a double-wide and two small ranch houses on cramped lots that won’t hold the guest list.

So how do you pick a wedding venue when you don’t already have one in mind?

(more…)

It’s not at all uncommon for wedding planning to include a little envy and a little oneupmanship. You want to wear a gown just like the one Gwen Stefani wore. Your sister had a sundae bar so you want a gelato station. And you just know everyone is going to love the favors you’ve chosen. There’s nothing wrong with thoughts and feelings of that ilk.

Nothing wrong, that is, until you start making decisions driven by the peer pressure that seems to be omnipresent in the world of weddings. When you stop thinking in terms of “I WANT to do this” and start thinking in terms of “I HAVE to do this,” there may very well be heartbreak on your horizon. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to keep up with the Mr. and Mrs. Joneses or trying to appease pushy relatives — bowing to nuptial peer pressure often means having the wedding other people want instead of the wedding you want.

They didn’t give in and look how happy they are!

Where does the pressure usually come from? There’s media pressure, for one. Magazines, television shows, and the ladies who love them will all be quick to share these “facts” with you.

(more…)

Start talking about weddings, and chances are pretty much everyone gets the same initial image: a woman in a big white gown with a veil on her head.

Of course, you will be wearing something (unless you are having a full-fledged naturist ceremony), but what is actually necessary? What’s optional? What do you really have to wear on your wedding day?

(more…)

I love when the comments on an article are better than the article itself. A few months back, the Washington Post published a frankly tired piece on saving matrimonial money in these tough economic times. Those interviewed were forced by trying circumstances to cut their guest lists from 240 to 200 (gasp!), to stuff envelopes themselves (Gasp!), and to get married in the Bahamas (GASP!). Oh, woe is them, right? This is my favorite response:

Was the article on “less expensive” weddings ["The Big Day Gets Smaller"] intended to upset readers? We read about these poor souls who are downsizing their $40,000 weddings to budgets of less than $30,000. They are forced to opt for destination weddings to reduce the number of guests. One bride-to-be said she was “even considering who is a better gift-giver, like my dad’s friends, to keep on the guest list.” Give me a break.

If the purpose of your wedding is to rake in cash and gifts, why invite anyone? Just send contribution envelopes to your contributors, er, “guests.” Maybe you could even include suggested “gift” amounts. Then you could mail thank-you postcards from your honeymoon. Oh, wait, perhaps it would be easier to just have the guests fill out and mail their own thank-you notes, too.

Amusing, no? Had I read the article in question when planning my own wedding, I would have laughed until I cried. For The Beard and I, there was no “This is just how much weddings cost in this zip code.” It was our responsibility to figure out how we could afford to feed and entertain our guests using the money we had, not the money some random online app like Cost of Wedding told us we should spend.

(more…)

(huddles over sweet, life-giving caffeine)

Last night was a long night.

(The light, Precious! It burns!)

I was up late because Mr. Twistie’s band was having a concert. Then I needed to check whether Michael Phelps managed to beat Mark Spitz’s Olympic record before I could go to bed.

(Quaffs coffee)

But there was one more thing that kept me awake. It was a good thing. The lead guitarist in Mr. Twistie’s band just got engaged to one supremely awesome lady. She’s not only beautiful and talented, but also has one of the most perverted senses of humor I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing. These two are a perfect match. Twistie gives a big thumbs up!

Of course I made sure she had the address for this site before the night was out. After all, I wanted to make sure they were getting the best advice possible for planning their big day!

So this morning, my scrambled brains are all filled with thoughts on how to get started in plotting – er – planning a wedding. Here are some tips I consider important:

(more…)

Having been to a lot of weddings over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that a great deal of stress can be added by choosing the wrong vendors, and a great deal of stress can be avoided by choosing the right vendors.

But sometimes it’s hard for us to know quite when to be ruthless about ending a relationship with a vendor who isn’t following through. Here are five signs that it’s time to cut the cord and find someone else to do the job you need and want done.

1: You dislike them so much you avoid working with them. If you don’t want to be in the same room with your florist, photographer, wedding planner, or caterer, don’t be. It doesn’t matter how popular, talented, or highly-recommended this person is if you can’t stand to be around him or her. You want to be surrounded by people who make you feel as relaxed and comfortable as possible on your wedding day.

(more…)

I’ve always said there’s one thing weddings and funerals have in common: both are usually being planned by someone who has no experience in doing so at a time when it’s easy to be emotionally manipulated. That means it’s easy for vendors to sell you things you don’t need, don’t want, and can’t reasonably fit into your budget. It’s easy for the unscrupulous to convince you that an etiquette violation is precisely what etiquette requires. It’s easy to make decisions that later make you ask yourself what precisely was in your morning coffee on the day you chose to blow half your budget on pyrotechnics when you don’t really care about fireworks.

Well, you’re in luck. You have me to cut through the sales talk and sentimentality and give you the skinny on what is actually needed, what’s a fun optional extra you might want to consider, and what’s outright wrong on toast with a cherry on top.

So let’s talk stationery.

(more…)