Manolo for the Brides

Let’s talk about bachelorette parties, shall we?

Thirty years ago, they pretty much didn’t exist. Twenty years ago, they were fairly rare. Now they seem pretty common. Still, they aren’t for everyone.

I well remember a wedding where I was the MOH about twenty years ago. One day the bride called me in a bit of a panic because the other bridesmaid was talking about whisking her off and forcing her to drink fruit daiquiris and watch male strippers. This was profoundly not the bride’s cup of tea.

Luckily, I was able to talk the other bridesmaid down from that particular ledge, and the bride was saved. I threw her a nice, quiet, game-free shower with tea and desserts instead.
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In my day, I’ve seen flower girls refuse to walk down the aisle and ring bearers burst into tears. I’ve watched them fidget in pictures, toss their baskets and ring pillows to the ground in irritation, and steal handfuls of wedding cake before the bride and groom had a chance to cut it. I would never suggest that children and weddings don’t mix, because I think the right kind of wedding can be a lot of fun for the wee ones. But when it comes to participating in the wedding? Then I’m a firm believer in age limits.

As cute as flower girls and ring bearers can be, many don’t have the patience or the stamina to handle certain matrimonial activities. Think dealing with an empty tummy while the wedding photographer takes posed shots or standing for an entire wedding ceremony. Even walking 50 feet alone in front of 100+ grownups can be a scary experience for shy kids. Not to mention the fact that weddings can be a little overwhelming for introverted children or (especially?) children kept up past their bedtimes.

But all that aside, there’s also the issue of age. Does the two-year-old flower girl understand what’s going on around her? Can you guarantee that the three-year-old ring bearer won’t be scared of the officiant in her black robe of the photographer with his bright flash? Will the infant attendant coo contentedly as she is carried down the aisle but scream bloody murder as soon as the ceremony begins? Tiny tots are by their very natures unpredictable. They may look like little gentlemen and little ladies in their ring bearer suits and flower girl dresses, but their minds are far from mature.

You tell me:

My vote: I’d recommend choosing flower girls and ring bearers who have at least some understanding of the role they’re being asked to play in your wedding *and* the confidence to play that role well (i.e., without tears or tantrums caused by anxiety or fear).

For some, being asked to serve as a bridesmaid is both an honor and a burden. Time spent assembling complicated wedding invitations or funneling candy into favor boxes is one thing; money spent is quite another. I’d wager that most of you reading this would be happy to accompany a friend as she shops for her wedding gown or samples wedding cake. Would you be as pleased if you found out this same friend expected you to pay $600 for bridesmaid attire? Or if she made it clear that her idea of the perfect bachelorette party is a week in Cancun paid for by her attendants?

It’s not uncommon for bridesmaids or a maid-of-honor to accept a wedding party post without knowing what they’re getting into. That’s why there are books like Everything Bridesmaid: From Planning the Shower to Supporting the Bride, All You Need to Survive and Enjoy the Wedding and The Bridesmaid Handbook and The Bridesmaid Guide: Etiquette, Parties and Being Fabulous and even The Quintessential Wedding Guide … Maid of Honor.

In other words, while first-time maids and MOHs may not know quite what’s expected of them, there are plenty of how-tos out there ready to help. Get your dress on time, they say. Throw a bridal shower. Bustle the gown. Herd the groomsmen. Hold the bride’s bouquet. Give a speech. And so on.

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There are so many great wedding color scheme options out there that I sometimes forget that more than a few brides want to be married in (and around) white. The same thing happens when it comes to so-called traditional wedding options. I have a tendency to focus on the more usual types of wedding cakes or dessert tables or reception decor, when the fact is that tradionalesque wedding accessories and decor are always popular. As a means of beginning to correct this oversight, here is some inspiration for those considering a white wedding.

First, the dessert table. Isn’t it lucky that icing sugar, big balloons, and serving platters still come in white? The creamy hydrangeas in the background aren’t exactly white-white, but I think they’re in keeping with the theme.

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I was reading about the 20 weirdest Craigslist postings when I came across this unusual want ad:

So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn’t matter….you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won’t have to pay for a thing.

Gee, I wonder if the whole “you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me” thing has anything to do with this bride not having enough friends to fill out her bridal party? That aside, it’s easy to see why a bride would automatically feel the need to find extra girlfriends or guyfriends to ensure wedding attendant symmetry. At almost every wedding I’ve attended (and I’ve been to quite a few) there were an equal number of guys and gals on either side of the officiant.

But just because that’s the usual way of doing things doesn’t mean it’s the only way of doing things. Sometimes the groom has groomsmaids and the bride has bridesmen, or both sides are entirely mixed. Sometimes brides and grooms have no attendants standing with them at all. And occasionally, a wedding party is made up of lots and lots of bridesmaids (or groomsmen) and just a few groomsmen (or bridesmaids).

When you’re facing bridesmaid/groomsman inequity, the processional and recessional are the trickiest things to coordinate… and it’s not even that tricky! You can have all the men wait at the altar with the groom and let all the ladies walk the aisle solo. Everyone can walk solo, if you prefer. When there are two men to every woman (or vice versa), you can double up as long as your aisle is wide enough for three. You can also have some groups of three, some doubles, and some people walking solo, as necessary. Or, heck, you might just have everyone run out crazy-style all at once. Anything goes, provided your ceremony location or house of worship is okay with your decision.

But if you share the OP’s conundrum and are mainly worried about how your wedding photos will look, my advice is chill. There’s no law stating that you have to line everyone up on either side of the bride and groom in your pictures. Group up like the huge wedding party in the above wedding pic and the difference in numbers between the bride’s attendants and the groom’s attendants will be a lot less obvious.

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If you’re a bridesmaid looking to insure that people attending a bachelorette party or shower actually talk to one another or a bride who wants to be sure that no one will be bored at the reception, wedding-themed scratch-off tickets may be the answer. These scratch-off game cards are like lottery tickets, but instead of revealing that, no, you didn’t win any cash, they reveal trivia questions about the couple to be married meant to inspire discussion among bridal shower guests or wedding guests sitting at the same table.

It’s a cute idea for those with extra cash to spread around on useless-but-fun favors, but won’t be everyone’s cup of tea… especially since they can cost up to $1 per card, money perhaps better spent on a truly conversation-worthy cake. But that’s all right, since Mitsy at ArtMind has posted DIY instructions for scratch-off tickets you can customize any which way.

It looks easy enough to personalize with your own text and wedding colors — the hardest part would probably be coming up with and printing out the different cards.

There are all sorts of ways to invite best gal pals and sisters (or bros and boy pals) to be bridesmaids (or bridesmen), from mass market greeting cards to elaborate letters outlining your expectations to, I don’t know, skywriting? But I think I’ve found an invitation almost everyone can get behind.

That’s right, cookies. Specifically ‘will you be my bridesmaid’ cookies from The Flour Pot. With apologies to diabetic and other people whose sugar intake is by necessity reduced — and perhaps a baker could work with that — I’d be tickled pink to find a pretty cookie in my mailbox inviting me to be someone’s bridal attendant. Maid/matron of honor, flower girl, and ring bearer cookies are also available, which leads me to believe that The Flour Pot would work with you to create invitation cookies for your bridesmen, groomsmaids, and who knows who else. It never hurts to ask!

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On the morning of my wedding, my stylist looked me straight in the eye and said “Honey, a glass of champagne and a bite of a muffin do not breakfast make.” Guests have it so easy, sitting there in pews or folding chairs while the bride, groom, and their attendants stand stock still in dress shoes for the duration of the wedding ceremony.

Unless, that is, they fall over, like this groomsman, who probably did not have any breakfast. The temptation to skip the pre-wedding meal is always there… think of the bride or bridesmaid who wants to avoid a foodbaby or the groom or groomsman who is in too much of a rush to grab a bite. Unfortunately, some of us do not handle low blood sugar as well as others, and a fainting bridal party, while occasionally humorous, does not make for picturesque ceremony photos.

Brides and grooms, do yourselves a favor and bring a little snack with you to wherever it is you’re getting dressed and prepped for the wedding ceremony. Remind your bridesmaids and groomsmen that it’ll be a while before the reception meal is served, especially if you’re taking wedding photographs after the ceremony. Better yet, equip the bridal (and, uh, groomal?) chamber with a fruit plate or a platter of bagels for everyone, including your stylist, to nosh on while ties are tied and makeup is applied.