So… flower girl as miniature bride. On the upside, apparently if you’re six you can actually have sleeves. On the downside, I gotta go with ‘everything else’ from the tiny, fussy updo to the (I assume) matching veil and tiara to the bodice cut to enhance curves that aren’t there yet to that annoying handbag.

Yeah, I’m going with HATE here. In fact, I’m going with ‘hate that burns like a thousand fiery suns’ on this. Give the kid the handbag for playing dress up, and let her be a kid while she’s being a flower girl. They grow up too fast as it is.

When this photograph was taken somewhere around WWI, the duties of everyone in the picture were pretty clearly known and generally not too onerous. They had to show up on time looking clean, wear what they were told, do a little hand-holding if necessary, and deport themselves with reasonable dignity. The MOH would – funds, time, and first-time bridal status permitting – be responsible for any bridal shower that might be held. The best man would hold some sort of stag party for the groom, which usually consisted in those days of giving him a nice dinner, providing some cigars and decent whiskey, and kidding him about his soon-to-begin sex life. Oh, and those flower girls? had to look cute and strew rose petals.

These days the rules aren’t quite so cut and dried. The duties of bridesmaids and groomsmen now range anywhere from ‘show up on this day and wear something in this general color range’ to spending a year being the bride’s personal slave and whipping girl. You may be told to wear whatever you like within a color/style range, or you may be informed that you’re getting matching shoes, jewelry, mani pedis, updos, make up, and Botox injections… at your own expense, natch.

What did I expect of my attendants? Well, I expected they would all show up on the big day wearing the skirts and blouses I gave them patterns and fabric for. I told them to trim the outfits any way they liked and to wear whatever flat shoes they preferred. I expected them to keep their naughty bits covered and have as good a time as they could at a party. One of the bridesmaids did sew my gown, and I expected she would get it done in time for me to wear it down the aisle… but when it nearly didn’t happen, I considered the friendship a lot more important than my wedding gown. My MOH held a lovely shower for me, helped address envelopes, and drove me on a couple errands, but these were voluntary things I appreciated, not orders from me.

As for the men, they were entirely Mr. Twistie’s bailiwick. I think all he expected was that they would show up on the day wearing what he wanted having read his mind. One of my brothers called me three weeks before the wedding asking what he was supposed to wear as a groomsman. He threatened that if he didn’t hear from Mr. Twistie soon, he was going to show up in a kimono and top hat. I told him that was more than fine by me, but I would have Mr. Twistie call him with any instructions he might have. It seems he just assumed that all his guys had some form of formalwear in their closets and would simply wear that. I told him to let them know that for certain. Drat. I kind of wanted to see the kimono and top hat combo.

So while the women all wore the same basic pattern in the same basic fabric with wildly divergent accessories, trims, and hairstyles, the men wore everything from kilts to tail coats.

Other than that… we really didn’t expect much.

But I’m curious. What did/do you expect? How much do you care about matching outfits, parties in your honor, and help with DIY projects?

Whether your wedding reception is held in a church hall, hotel, or a backyard, whether you toss the bouquet and cut the cake or not, whether you’re in formalwear or bathing suits, one tradition is bound to be followed: the best man’s speech.

Of course, not every best man is used to public speaking. Or best woman. We’re not fussy about the gender of the bridal party around here. But no matter who’s filling the role, there are a few tips that will make making that speech easier for the speaker and nicer for the listeners, too.
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If you’re having your rings carried up to the altar by a ring bearer, chances are you expect that tad to carry some sort of lacy, white pillow. After all, that’s what the kid does, traditionally.

But what if you’re not married to the pillow idea? There are other ways of having the ring make it up front and center.

You could put it in a bird’s nest:

What could be better for a rustic wedding of two ornithologists? Or, you know, two people who just have a thing for bird’s nests.

And that’s not the only alternative idea going for ring pillows.
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Captured by Edward Olive Fotógrafo de boda Madrid Barcelona

Aren’t kids in weddings just too cute? Admit it. They are, but they’re especially cute when they aren’t pitching a fit at the foot of the aisle because they’ve suddenly found themselves staring out into a sea of strangers. How often does that actually happen? Enough to make it a worthwhile topic to touch on, I think. And with that in mind, here are my very own five tips for dealing with a reluctant ring bearer of your own:

1. Avoid reluctant ring bearers altogether by choosing one that is outgoing yet polite, and old enough to understand what he’s being asked to do. Books like 10 Cool Things About Being a Ring Bearer and The Best Ever Ring Bearer can help you give your prospective ring bearer a taste of the roll. Does he seem interested? Enthusiastic? Unsure? Make sure he knows he can opt out.

2. Don’t expect the moon from any ring bearer – especially if you’ve chosen a really young ring bearer or a shy one or one who’s normally outgoing but hasn’t yet been tested for confidence in a room full of strangers. Walking down an aisle with lots of strangers on either side? Easy for most adults. Utterly terrifying for some children. If your reluctant ring bearer makes it from point A to point B without bawling, flopping down on the aisle runner, or making a break for the door, consider it a job well done.

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A bridesmaid luncheon was not a possibility back when I was planning my own wedding, for one ‘maid was in Florida and the other in Nevada. Of course, considering that the bridesmaid luncheon is traditionally held to honor the contribution of one’s attendants, I would have been off the hook, anyhow. Not that one should base the decisions one makes when choosing bridesmaids on how much work one can squeeze out of them, but typically it’s considered polite for bridesmaids to express at the very least a passing interest in the wedding. But anyway.

The bridesmaid luncheon… I’m very curious to know how many of y’all have hosted one as a bride or will host one, and whether you’ve attended one as a bridesmaid.

All the ladies in the house say luuuuunch!

I have been a bridesmaid the average number of times, and I was honored each time a bride picked me when it came time to choose bridesmaids. So much so that I never noticed that none of them treated me to a fancy midday meal prior to the wedding! No, really. Up until a few years ago, I’d never even heard of a bridesmaid luncheon, and recent reading has led me to believe that the bridesmaid luncheon may be a regional tradition. Particularly the bridesmaid luncheon that involves a color palette, a theme, a venue other than one’s home or the local Mexican restaurant where they give out free sombreros, and more than one table’s worth of ‘maids.

P.S. – Worried about being a bridesmaid? Check out The Knot Bridesmaid Handbook: Help the Bride Shine Without Losing Your Mind for practical pointers!

I love the red blue combo for wedding color schemes, for outfits, and for interiors. On a recent rainy yucky day, I wore bright red shoes with a dark blue dress and felt absolutely springy and fabulous in total opposition to the weather. So if you’re still shopping around for a wedding color scheme or a palette for your bridesmaid attire, consider red paired with blue. Or blue paired with red, if that’s how you prefer to think about it. Isn’t it a lovely fun and bright combo either way?

Merrily mismatched red shoes from Ampersand Photography

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