It’s been quite a while since I talked about brides in glasses here, so I thought I’d discuss it a bit today.

Most of us know Dorothy Parker’s quip:

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses

But you know what? Men do. And women do. And some of those men and women who do make passes at girls in glasses wind up marrying them.

If you’re one of those brides who wears glasses, there’s good news! In decades past, nearly everyone would have advised you to leave off your specs and simply crash adorably into walls when you aren’t specifically on someone’s arm. This, though, is bad advice and the world is beginning to get the heck over it.


(Illustration via Postcards and Pretties)
Now more and more bespectacled brides are being encouraged to wear their glasses so they can see all the action clearly on their big days. Of course if contact lenses work for you and that’s what you’d rather do, I definitely have your back.

But if you usually wear glasses, then consider wearing them on your wedding day, too. After all, you’re going to spend your future with someone who knows you need corrective lenses. You should look like you. In fact, it might even be a good excuse to go out and get a great new pair of frames!

And if you really consider glasses a part of your personal style, you might even work them into the decorations in other ways.

(Illustration via Project Wedding)

Shopping for a wedding gown can be one of the most exciting, and one of the most frustrating parts of planning a wedding.

It’s exciting because you’re getting to play dress up with wildly luxurious dresses, the like of which you will probably never wear again. It’s exciting because finding that just right dress makes the whole thing seem real for the first time to a lot of women. It’s exciting because salons pamper brides.

It’s frustrating because it’s rare that a bride has the budget for the really spectacular gowns. It’s frustrating because sometimes it’s hard to know which gown to pick… especially when choosing between gowns that look an awful lot alike. It’s frustrating because everyone you bring with you has an opinion, and sometimes it’s the polar opposite of yours, which leads to second-guessing and fear of making a bad decision.

And then there are those oh-so-helpful guides to choosing the right gown for your figure flaws.

My advice? Ignore them! Forget they exist!

In the first place, your body is not a problem to be solved. It’s a fabulous piece of natural machinery and one that was involved in making someone else fall in love. Your intended and your family and your friends – if they’re doing it right – see your physical beauty as well as your more inner beauty. On your wedding day, they’ll see how happily you glow, how much joy you’re feeling. They’ll see how radiant you are and appreciate that no matter what the packaging looks like.

In the second place, these guides all seem to assume that you have one single figure issue and you want to hide it. These guides tell you what to do if you’re short, and they tell you what to do if you’re pear-shaped… but they assume that short women by definition aren’t pear-shaped and give conflicting advice. And assuming the one, burning desire of all short brides is to look taller… well, some women love to emphasize something that is not conventionally appreciated. I’ve known many a short woman – myself included – who has no interest in appearing taller, and several who deliberately emphasize their petite stature.

Speaking of that conflicting advice, take a look at this guide to choosing the best wedding gown for your figure. Apparently, the single least likely to look good feature on any gown for any bride is… sleeves. Ditching sleeves makes you look taller, keeps your hourglass figure proportional, both increases and decreases your bust visually… oh, except that every single bride in the world looks great in cap sleeves. And heavy brides need sleeves to keep from showing the world our humongous hammy arms. I know a lot of women who consider cap sleeves the bane of the fashion world. And I know plenty of my fellow fats who defend their right to bare arms.

In the third place, these guides ignore something vital: personality. According to every style guide I’ve ever seen for short women, I need to ditch any large, dramatic features or accessories. My tiny frame cannot handle them, you see. But even when I weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet, the fastest way to make me disappear straight into the wallpaper was to take away my drama. Big accessories, bright colors, and a willingness to go for broke in fashion terms have always made me the center of attention.

By the same token. I’ve known women who the style guides would have told to layer on drama, but who looked ridiculous if they took that advice. Their personalities made them better suited to dainty accessories, pastels, and simple cuts.

You know who you are better than a salon consultant who met you two minutes ago. Be clear with her about your personal style and your priorities. Give her the best snapshot idea you can of who she’s dressing before she goes to pull gowns.

After all, you don’t want the most important dress of your life to be all about covering something up: you want it to display the best of you in the best possible way.

I don’t know about you, but this picture doesn’t look like any wedding day I’ve seen. It looks more like a scene from a comedy film about wedding excess, or an ironic bridal anti-fashion show.

In the article itself, Joye provides just one illustration of the way she believes that nearly all brides completely eschew good taste and redo themselves horrifically. She felt the bride in question would wear something along the lines of what Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy wore on her wedding day, but the lady went for a hoopskirt and tiara, bridesmaids in red dresses with puffed sleeves and more makeup than she normally wears. Was it all the excessive horror that Joye describes? I don’t know. She apparently thought that photograph was an apt illustration of how the majority of brides choose to look at their weddings. It may well be that her description is similarly exaggerated for effect.

But in one thing I do agree with Joye: it’s best to be yourself on your wedding day. Whether your style is typically fresh-faced girl next door, Burlesque babe, goth til it hurts, or sleek elegant lady, be the best version of that you can accomplish. Be aware that the camera can wash you out, so do wear slightly more makeup than usual (unless your usual is already taking this into consideration), and don’t be afraid to try a somewhat more dramatic style of dress than you usually wear, since this isn’t a typical day. Just remember who you are at your heart, and try to express it well.

After all, your intended chose you. Be you when you walk down that aisle.

Isn’t that a sweet look? Admittedly, it’s unfussy and less-than-formal, but some brides are like that. And a simpler hairstyle can really showcase an elaborate wedding gown and/or bridal jewelry. Then again, there’s nothing wrong with pairing a sweet and simple wedding dress with a pony! Want to see more? There are six awesome examples of bridal ponytails under the cut!

Okay, maybe I’m dating myself a bit. Frankly I never much cared for the song, either, but I loved the philosophy behind it. In fact, I believe in it utterly.

There are plenty of guides out there to tell us that if we don’t meet a specific and increasingly narrow set of specs, we can’t be lovely brides. This is flat out codswallop! You don’t need to be a particular size – either vertically or horizontally – to be beautiful. Just go out there and shake what your mama gave you, whether it’s a little or a lot. Remember, that other person at the altar fell in love with you at the height that you are, loves you at the weight you happen to have, and probably isn’t horrified if your teeth aren’t actually whiter than your veil.

Take a good look at some awesome ladies who rocked their bodies at their weddings even if they weren’t considered an ‘ideal’ size and let’s lighten up about height and weight.

A beautiful bride can be quite thin.
via
(Sanity watchers note: don’t read the article or the comments if you don’t want to deal with a whole lot of ‘eat a sandwich, already’ rhetoric. You cannot tell a person’s health from their weight. Yes, she might have an eating disorder or a wasting disease… or she might be just naturally very, very thin. It does happen.)

She can be fat.
via

She can be very tall.
via

Or she can be short.
via

It doesn’t matter how big or little you are, or in what direction. Find a dress that flaunts what you want flaunted, let go, and enjoy the heck out of your wedding. That’s what makes a truly beautiful bride, not the size tag in the dress.

Among other things (like flower girl basket and ring bearer sets, floral headbands, and bridal bouquets) Dawn and Marie craft gorgeous, amazing, made-to-order hair forks that are perfect for securing a quick and spunky up-do, a classic bun, or a romantic French twist. Yes, hair forks are only for brides with hair longer than shoulder-length, but I think that’s a demo that includes a lot of brides.

Mairzy Dozy hair forks come in different lengths and are entirely customizable – just convo the sisters what you’re thinking of. Their specialty appears to be beautiful hammered copper with delicate hand-twisted wirework, sometimes featuring glass seed beads, jasper coins, and other pretty things. Too bad I didn’t know about Mairzy Dozy hair forks (or any hair forks) when I got married – I didn’t want big blossom or a veil, but something like these would have been perfect. In fact, if I still had long hair, I’d be buying one right now!

One thing that I think all of us can agree on is that a two week period of starvation is not a good idea. It’s particularly not a good idea during a time of emotional stress and major life changes.

So how to avoid needing to take such drastic measures at the last minute? I thought you’d never ask me! Follow the bouncing cut to learn more.

Is everybody here? Good. Then we’ll begin.

Always remember, it is the job of the dress to fit the bride, not the bride to fit the dress. Pick something that fits your figure easily and order it according to your largest measurement. After all, it’s always easier and cheaper to get something taken in than let out.

If your weight/measurements are prone to fluctuations, pick a forgiving silhouette. Heavily boned bodices do not offer much room in case of sudden bloat or a way to hide weight loss that happens spontaneously. Something more flowing may allow you to order with confidence in case you gain or lose a few pounds.

Do not order a smaller size on the assumption that you’ll go on a diet and lose x number of pounds. Even if you do go on that diet, you can’t guarantee how much weight you will lose or how it will affect the fit of your gown. Order for the body you have now, and adjust it to fit the body you have closer to the big day.

Don’t order your gown more than six months before the wedding. Why? Because chances are your body will change in some way if you order it a year in advance. Half the time means half the chance either you or the gown will have to be drastically altered to fit.

Don’t order your gown immediately after a significant illness. Illness can cause all sorts of temporary changes in your body. Wait until you’ve hit a more even keel before you give the bridal salon or dressmaker your measurements. This was precisely what caused the poor bride in the linked article to starve herself and still spend her wedding day uncomfortably adjusting her gown every two minutes.

Remember that on your wedding day you will be beautiful, no matter what your weight or figure. That glow of happy love is what makes us most beautiful on our wedding days. Tall or short, fat or thin, hourglass or apple-shaped, you’re marrying the person you love and that’s a beauty aid that cannot be bottled. Besides, the person you’re marrying chose you. Why try to look like someone else on this of all days?

Regular meals, regular sleep, and regular (and ability appropriate) exercise are always good for your looks. Starvation and insomnia are not. Want to look your best in your pictures? Then get three squares with good nutritional value each day, six to eight hours of rest each night, and a form of exercise that works for you to put the roses in your cheeks. Pick a gown that will allow you to do these things in the days leading up to your wedding.

I don’t care whether you’re a size 0 or a size 52. You deserve to look and feel your best on your wedding day. Part of that is wearing something that you feel beautiful in that fits you properly. After all, if you’re in the mood, you want to wear something that will allow you to dance like this.

When I was looking for decorative options (while planning both my first wedding and my second) I would have really appreciated being able to see models with glasses wearing the veils, hats, etc. Glasses make a visual statement that affects the rest of the picture. Some frames would look ridiculous under some veils, and others would look great, but I have trouble visualizing how glasses at all on the face would affect the face veils.

That’s a great point, Kai Jones.

And so I set out to research the question of bespectacled brides. The disappointing part is that many of the boards, advice columns, etc. I found at first gave the same single piece of advice: don’t wear glasses on your wedding day.

Well phooey on that.

One bride begging for advice on whether or not to wear her glasses seemed to have made up her mind but really needed someone to tell her it was okay. Otherwise, I don’t think she would have posted pics of bespectacled brides or expressed herself this way:

My mom came up with the hilarious idea of me just not wearing my glasses to the wedding, I told her that was a great idea except that I’ll probably walk over to the wrong man or just end up at a different event completly.

For what it’s worth, I think she should wear her glasses. But that’s me.

Look, what you decide to do really depends on a number of issues. How badly do you need your vision corrected? Do you normally wear glasses or contacts? Do you switch off according to whim or activity? Can you wear contacts at all? In the end, though, it comes down to making sure you can navigate successfully and that you look like you.

Let me repeat that last one: you should look like you on your wedding day.

If you wear glasses every day, then you should probably wear your glasses. If you can’t see without your glasses, then you should certainly wear them! If you wear them sometimes and don’t particularly need them to get to the altar, then you’ll be fine without them if you choose to leave them aside.

But the worst reason in the world not to wear your glasses on your wedding day is fear that it will somehow make your wedding less special, less joyful, or less fashionable. You’re getting married. That’s special and joyful right there, glasses or no. As for fashion, look, we love fashion here in the Manolosphere, but more than that we love people who develop and live their own unique style. Fashion is fleeting and concerned with what others might say. Style has more staying power and is unafraid.

Where fashion might crash into walls for fear of being caught out wearing glasses, style rocks the hottest frames possible and knows where it’s going. How to do it? Take a look at a few of the photos I found in my wanderings around the internet.

These ladies wore simple veils.

These went beautifully bare-headed.

This one rocked a small hat with a veil and matching specs with her groom.

Just remember, if you choose to wear your glasses on your wedding day, you’ll be far from the first bride to do so…

…and so was she.

If you want or need more practical advice on the matter, or want to look at more great photos of lovely brides in their equally lovely glasses, here are a couple of links you might enjoy:

http://offbeatbride.com/2008/01/brides-in-glasses (be sure to scroll through the comments on this one, since it includes a lot more reader-submitted photos)

http://events-egrego160.blogspot.com/2009/06/and-bride-wore-glasses.html (the photos in this one are duplicates from the previous article, but it includes advice on choosing whether or not to get new frames for the wedding and tips on making the most of your makeup behind those glasses)

And always remember, if you want to know how something is going to look on you, the only way to really tell is to try it out and see. Just as NtB suggested trying on gowns in silhouettes you may think are beyond your ability to wear, I suggest trying on different veils, hats, and miscellaneous hair decorations until you find something you love that loves you back. Sometimes you have to risk looking silly for two minutes to find something that makes you look spectacular.

If you wear your glasses, you’ll be able to see the difference, too.

That said, I’m going to assume that brides and grooms who smoke are going to want to have a few cigarettes before their wedding ceremonies and at their wedding receptions. It is, after all, a day where indulging oneself is part of the fun, so smokers will be smoking, whether the laws of the land permit indoor puffing or require it be done out of doors.

So what’s the problem? Well, I recently came across some wedding photographs that included a bride who is a fairly regular smoker. Either she or her wedding photographer was a fan of the traditional pre- and post-wedding poses, e.g. the bride getting ready in the mirror, the bouquet on the makeup table, and so on. One photo that caught my eye (and not in a good way) was a close-up of the bride’s hands, showcasing her engagement ring and wedding band… and her nicotine stained French manicure. Her pinky, index finger, and middle finger nails were a bright, traditional pink and white, while the polish on her pointer and thumb were a not-very-subtle yellow.

In 1945, Emily Post stated that “above all [the bride] must not, while wearing her veil, smoke a cigarette.” Bridal headpieces aside, I’d add that the bride who wants her wedding photographer to photograph her hands looking their wedding day best must not smoke after the application of a French manicure. They’ll be plenty of time to light up at the reception.

Photograph by Christopher Prinos