Manolo for the Brides

Am I the only one stressed out by all the holiday prep? I’m not cooking anything for Turkey day (I’m a vegetarian, anyway), but I still have plenty to do. When things get out of hand, I relax by imagining I’m a billionaire who can pay someone to take care of ALL THIS STUFF. If you, too, want to be a mental billionaire, have a gander at Forbes’ article on billionaire weddings.

Here we see Donald Trump Jr. and his (surprise) model wife. They, like the Trump chump himself, tied the knot at the palatial Mar-a-Lago estate, which boasts a $45 million grand ballroom.

Forbes asks:

What kind of wedding would you have if money were no object? How about one with 10,000 flowers, 45 chefs, a 200-pound Grand Marnier Cake and live performances by Billy Joel and Tony Bennett.

Personally? I think I’d still have a modest wedding…but I’d have that modest wedding somewhere utterly gorgeous and I’d pay for all of my guests’ travel expenses. How about you?

Um, either Katie is bending her knees a bit or Tom is wearing elevator shoes because she usually towers over him in flats. That said, congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Cruise. In case you were unaware, they were married in a 15th-Century castle in Bracciano, Italy. Armani designed the wedding duds. And the couple’s vows were likely Scientologist through and through. There is a breakdown of the ceremony elements at the Daily News of Halifax. Here’s a peek:

…they may be told that newlywed “girls” expect “frills” and maybe a cat, and young men are prone to “forget” their promises.

Um, okay. Moving on.

Can’t see buying your diamonds the regular way? Want to pretend you’re buying your baubles on the stock exchange? Then look no further than IDEX Online. In their own words:

Derived in real-time from actual asking prices of the global diamond industry, IDEX Online Diamond Prices objectively reflects price trends as they happen. The Diamond Index and Diamond Drivers were formulated following comprehensive research and analysis of the IDEX inventory database, aggregated since February 2001.

And, finally, if you’re of the rainbow persuasion (getting hitched somewhere like New Jersey, perhaps), the Rainbow Wedding Network Magazine may be right up your alley. From rings to etiquette to gifts, this online mag highlights the best in gay-friendly wedding gear. Requires subscription.

If you’re in the market for hairstyle inspiration, you’re in luck. The ever wonderful SterlingSpider sent me a link to a web page full of images of up-do’s, loose styles, and everything in between. When I say ‘full of images,’ I mean that it is wicked image heavy, so keep in mind that the page may take a while to load. Also, it appears to be in Polish.

This is an old story but too interesting not to highlight: To ensure a bachelor son’s contentment in the afterlife, Chinese parents will search for a dead woman to be his bride and, once a corpse is obtained, bury the pair together as a married couple. Apparently, the practice of pairing off dead offspring through posthumous nuptials (called minghun) is common in China, where grieving parents will burn paper representations of luxury goods to ensure that their kids are bling-bling’un it up in the afterlife.

In case you hadn’t already heard (and then, lucky you) Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise fill finally tie the knot on November 18 in Italy. Holmes will walk down the aisle wearing a gown designed by the fabulous Giorgio Armani. Will Holmes’ parents attend? Will Xenu come down from the heavens to condemn the union? I guess we’ll find out!

If you haven’t already had a gander at the Taköhl treasure ring (kudos to the reader who sent the link!), go check out the Taköhl web site. Each white gold, yellow gold, rose gold, green gold, or platinum ring is crafted of two individual pieces - a hinged band opens to display a hidden custom message. I love them!

Finally, remember my post featuring a selection of money grubbing…er…marketting web sites created by brides and grooms looking for financial assistance? The Hopeful Honeymooners have made $4360 (out of $10,000). The Wedding On A Penny people have collected 158,214 pennies (out of two million). And the Grooms Gift grew to $72.90. The newest gimmick I’ve seen comes from a man who hopes to raise enough money through donations (no ads here) to buy a Super Bowl ad time slot and then propose to his girlfriend on a Super Bowl commercial. He claims he has raised a whopping $61,931…which sounds like a lot but only represents about 3% of the cost of one of those ad spots.

Remember this winner? Yes, it’s the return of Georgia’s favorite runaway bride, Jennifer Wilbanks. You would think that she’d be pretty satisfied with the manner in which her sick nuptial stunt turned out, what with becoming a bobble-head doll and all. I mean, it’s not every demented ex-bride-to-be that has the honor of being bobbled.

But no, Wilbanks is now locked in litigations with her former-future-husband, John Mason. According to the allegations, while she was in the hospital–being treated for sociopathic tendencies, one would hope–Mason sold *their* story to Regan Media, which agreed to pay *the couple* $500,000.

Is it just me or is the whole story starting to smell pretty darned fishy?

Now, according to an article in the Sydney Morning Herald,

Wilbanks is arguing that Mason failed to turn over her share of the payment, according to a filing on Sept. 13 before the superior court of Gwinnett, Georgia.

“In or about July 2005 Regan Media agreed to pay $500,000 to Mason and Wilbanks to purchase the rights to the story of plaintiff’s disappearance … and subsequent events involved in the ‘Runaway Bride’ incident,” said the complaint.

The filing says Mason was “willful and malicious” and demands $250,000 as her share of the money and the same amount in punitive damages as compensation for his “bad faith.”

So, let me get this straight. This Mason person, an ostensibly jilted groom-to-be forced to deal with the disappearance of his fiancee and her subsequent high-profile re-appearance, goes on to cut a contract with a media company collaboratively with the aforementioned runaway fiancee. Um…forget the fish. I smell a rat.

(Thanks goes to the fabulous Dataceptionist for the lead on this story)

There is the monarchy you know and the monarchy you don’t know. I, for one, didn’t know jack about Prince Louis Xavier Marie Guillaume of Luxembourg until a news brief about his recent wedding reached my inbox this morning. Though the ceremony, held on September 29, was quite low key, hundreds of royalty-philes gathered at the church where Prince Louis wed his long-time sweetie, twenty-year-old Tessy Anthony Hansen. The pair apparently met while serving in the Luxembourg army during a mission to Kosovo in 2004.

Their bouncing baby boy, Gabriel, was in attendance at the wedding, wearing what some news outlets described as a “smart white coat.”

According to Prince Louis’ wikipedia entry, upon his marriage, Louis gave up his succession rights and those of Gabriel, and any of the couple’s future children, although Louis retains his title of Prince of Luxembourg and the style of Royal Highness while Tessy and Gabriel (and any of the couple’s future children) hold the surname de Nassau with no titles.

Bummer! Titles are cool!

Some brides-to-be buy two wedding dresses and choose between them at the last possible moment. Other brides-to-be buy two wedding dresses and wear both. More than you’d suppose, if a recent Boston Herald article isn’t pulling my leg. While a quick-change between ceremony and reception is de rigeur in many cultures, Western brides have traditionally gone the one gown route. Melania Knauss changed dresses (from a 100,000 Christina Dior couture dress to a $10,000 Vera Wang lightweight tulle dress) mid-wedding during her marriage to Donald Trump, but that’s Melania Knauss.

Stoneham-based wedding dress designer Elizabeth Crannage, who has been making gowns for 49 years, blames the trend on Donald Trump.

“I started getting requests for two dresses about a year and a half ago, when Melania Knauss went down the aisle in something that weighed 100 pounds and changed at the reception,” she said. “And I think the return of the ball gown - which is really complicated to sit down in - has forced brides to wear another dress.”

Which was the case with one Beacon Hill bride.

“My wedding was black tie so I wanted to wear a gown, but it also was a long night and I wanted to be able to dance later in the evening with all my friends, so I had a shorter version of the same dress made,” said the 24-year-old, who asked not to be named. “It was the same fabric, color and with the same details, but was strapless and ended below my knees. I loved them both.”

If you want to emulate Melania (and aren’t put off by the thought of the cost), consider wearing something heavy and traditional (think huge skirt and long train) for the ceremony and then changing into something that you can move easily in (like a sexy sheath) for the reception.

Nothing says ‘bride’ like a white mini dress. No, really, Pamela Anderson Lee Rock Ritchie, or whatever your name is now. If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’. Your assertion that your recent pseudo-wedding to Kid Rock (St. Tropez’s mayor explained the illegality of it) was the best and most romantic wedding ever must be true.

I mean, just look at the happy couple. I think Kid even put on a clean white t-shirt for the occassion.

After the unofficial ceremony, Pamela swapped out her mini dress for a white string bikini and a pair of diamond-encrusted Jimmy Choos. In her blog, she wrote: “Now I’m definitely rocking the most…MRS ROCK…From Vegas to New York to St. Tropez. I was so happy to finally get here. But now I can’t wait to get away from these paparazzi - I swear they just wait for the ugliest pictures to take.”

All joking aside, I do wish the new “Mrs. Rock” all the best. I think Pamela Anderson is pretty cool, actually. She’s really forthright about articulating her beliefs. Sometimes, though, I wish she’d wear a few more articles of clothing. I mean, is she naked in this pic?

I think she’s naked.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban were apparently able to enjoy the “normal wedding” they wanted. Except that according to The Independent, that ‘normal wedding’ was “a spectacle worthy of her box-office hit Moulin Rouge.” (Pics are here)

Earlier in the week, Urban’s manager Rob Potts told the media that the couple simply wanted to celebrate with friends and family. To that end, details surrounding the nuptials were kept secret.

As the actress, 39, arrived at the imposing gothic-style St Patrick’s College building in Sydney pursued by helicopters yesterday, she was greeted by a crowd of onlookers, many of whom had sought vantage points in trees and on walls.

The cheering fans and throng of paparazzi surged forward towards the cream Rolls-Royce as the police tried to clear a path and security guards kept unwanted gatecrashers from scaling a high wire fence.

After the bells rang to indicate the end of the ceremony, the couple released just one photograph showing the statuesque Kidman looking elegant in a white Balenciaga gown and flowing veil, designed by Nicolas Ghesquière, beside Urban, 38, in a black suit with a white rose boutonniere to match her bouquet. “We just want to thank everyone in Australia and around the world who have sent us their warm wishes,” they said in a brief statement.

While I tend to be cynical about celebrity marriages, I of course wish the couple a happy, long life.

Remember Georgia runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks? A year after she faked her own kidnapping to escape the rigors of wedding planning, she has sold her story for a whopping $500,000! Of the wedding, she said:

“It was stressful because I am a perfectionist, and I want everything perfect. And that was the hard part for me.”

In the past year, she has paid Duluth $13,249, to compensate the city for the overtime paid to the police officers who searched for her and $2,650 in restitution to the state.

That leaves her with plenty of money to put up an ad on Match.com.