But not every bride is so serene.

On your wedding day you may cry,

Or you may laugh.

The important thing to remember is that no matter how you react emotionally at the altar, it’s okay. You’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to laugh, and you’re allowed to do a bit of each. You’re allowed to be utterly serene and unflappable.

Just be you.

Everyone will understand.

Me? I wasn’t like that. I’ve known a lot of other brides who were more like me. They spent their wedding days really at their weddings and remember them clearly years later.

You may simply be the sort of person who gets caught up in emotions and forgets the details. It happens. But if your fog or forgetfulness springs from another source, there are ways to get more in touch with the moment and truly enjoy yourself at your wedding.

Plan the day in a way that makes you comfortable. It’s easy to get caught up in what’s expected or listen to someone else tell you what makes them relax. For instance, a lot of guides will tell you to make sure you have nothing whatsoever to do on your wedding day other than get married. For some, that’s great advice. For others, it’s a one-way ticket to nerves and stress. I helped make salads and set up the site on my wedding day, and I wouldn’t do it any other way. I’d have gone bonkers with nothing to do with my hands.

So think about whether doing something practical that day will relax or stress you. Think about whether having someone do your hair and make up for you will make you feel confident or drive you up a tree. Will having the photographer there while you’re dressing make you uncomfortable? Nix it if it will!

You’re an individual. Your stressors may be very different from another person’s. Work around who you really are. Don’t make yourself more stressed than you need to be.

Consider doing formal portraits before the ceremony or after the honeymoon. Mr. Twistie and I had all our formal photos taken before we went to the altar, and I would do it that way again. In China, some couples have their wedding portraits taken up to a year in advance. Still other couples have found it practical to hire a photographer to do candids at the wedding itself, but save up the formal portraits for after the honeymoon. Yet others will take all the formal shots that don’t require both the bride and groom in the shot before the ceremony, and the few remaining ones afterwards.

Any of these scenarios means less of a gap between the time the couple ties the knot and the time they arrive at their own shindig. That means earlier access to food, fun, and your guests.

Have a receiving line. I know a lot of people think this is stuffy, old fashioned, and for the birds, but I still think it’s worth doing. Why? Because it means you don’t miss greeting anyone, and you don’t spend the dinner hour missing the food because you’re hopping from table to table and then tracking down stragglers. If you’re having more than fifty people at your wedding, a receiving line just makes things easier.

Then once the line is done with, you can relax and concentrate on interacting with your guests rather than calculating who you’ve missed saying hello to. You can get the meal you paid for instead of getting two bites before you have to race off and talk to someone you missed. And eating your meal? Helps you keep from getting light headed from hunger. It also helps you keep the alcohol from hitting extra hard on an empty stomach. All these things help keep you in the moment.

Ditch any traditions you don’t care about. Reading over a typical wedding reception timeline can leave you thinking you’ll spend the day running from one photo op to the next with no chance to catch your breath. Funnily enough, most of those traditions and photo ops are entirely optional. If any of them make you uncomfortable, annoy you, or just seem like too much trouble, you are perfectly free to not do them. If there’s something you’d rather do, like hire some belly dancers or a magician to perform, there’s no law against having them. Do what seems like fun to you.

Organize as much as you can in advance, and then put it into someone else’s hands on the day. One of the things that relaxed me the most in the days leading up to my wedding was the fact that I’d crossed my i’s and dotted my t’s and had all the paperwork at my fingertips. When you know you’ve done what you can to make things smooth, it’s easier to believe that it will go reasonably smoothly.

Of course, something will go wrong. It’s the nature of life. So on the big day, have someone deputized to handle all crises and make sure everyone knows who that is. Don’t try to handle every little detail that goes wonky yourself. Go play with your guests and let your assigned deputy – whether that’s a bridesmaid, a relative, or a hired day-of coordinator – deal with missing flowers, the ring bearer’s stage fright, and Great Aunt Beatrice’s dislike of the choice of processional music. You don’t need to deal with those things in the middle of your wedding.

Speaking of things going wrong, remind yourself regularly that perfect isn’t going to happen. If you’re comfortable with the fact that something will go wrong, chances are you’ll deal with it more rationally when something does go wrong.

Whether it’s something small like a bridesmaid in sudden need of an aspirin, or something big like finding the bakery delivered the wrong cake (That actually happened to a friend of mine! But since she was ready for something to go wrong, she decided that the gold frosting fit her color scheme and that the fact it was a fiftieth anniversary cake that would feed her entire guest list was a good omen), if you’re aware it’s coming, you can roll with the punches better. So keep your head and your sense of humor. It will relax you and help you stay in the moment.

While planning things, make sure you take time out to do non-wedding-related things, too. It’s easy to get so focused on menus and seating arrangements and choosing just the right readings for the ceremony that you forget to live your life in the meantime. But if you take time to see movies, go bowling, take night classes, and just hang out with friends, it’s a lot harder to get so completely obsessed that you lose sight of the bigger picture. Sure, your wedding is important. It’s a major life-changing event. It deserves its due importance… but it isn’t everything.

Remember to make time for the other things in your life. It helps keep things in perspective.

When you’re at your wedding, be at your wedding. You’ll have a better time and remember things the photographer didn’t happen to catch with the camera.

There’s even plenty of literature to back that up. Not just novels, though the theme is rife in books that feature weddings, but in films, TV shows, and even blogs about weddings.

For instance, a recent article at the Huffington Post by wedding gown designer Justina McCaffrey chronicles the way she sees career woman after career woman morph from a no-nonsense, phone-glued-to-the-ear customer in search of a simple white pantsuit to get married in to a dewy-eyed Disney princess in the making.

It is the abandoned dream and vision of herself that was once forgotten somewhere between the divorce of her parents, high school exams, and her first broken heart. It is the internal struggle of regrets versus survival and that suddenly in the mirror a vision of herself looking like she is in love, and looking like she is vulnerable, and even giddy with joy makes her uncomfortable. It is a woman that she does not know. It is the woman she used to be, even as a little girl.

She cries as she sees herself in a white ballgown and veil. She is a princess.

But there’s something McCaffrey doesn’t mention: not all women react the same way to their wedding gown. Just as not every woman walks in holding a business conference on her phone while shopping for a dress, not every woman is just waiting for the princess within to be revealed.

Just as not every girl wants a church wedding, not every girl truly wants a ballgown and veil. And some who do want them won’t react so violently when they put them on.

Some women react more like Kate Fridkis in her recent Huffpo article: What if You Don’t Become a Fairy Princess in Your Wedding Gown?

For a long time, I hoped that something magical would happen when I dressed up. I hoped that I’d transform. I’d watched too many movies. I’d had too many friends with excellent collarbones and sculpted shoulders that were practically begging to be bared. I thought that the ability to undergo a metamorphosis from normal to stunning with a few simple props was an integral part of being a successful woman. I certainly thought it was an essential part of being a bride.

Now I’m not sure it is. I’m sort of glad I looked like me on my wedding day. After all, it was me getting married. Not a fairy princess. I mean, I was glad my husband looked like himself, in his tux. I wanted to see his familiar face, not the face of Prince Charming. That would’ve freaked me out.

I have to admit, I didn’t cry when I put on my wedding gown. I didn’t tear up. I was happy, certainly, and thought I looked pretty damn great… but I was just me in a better than normal dress. And Mr. Twistie was himself in a morning suit and top hat. That was something I’d seen before. It’s a nice sight, of course, but not something once-in-a-lifetime.

And you know what? That’s okay.

You really don’t have to release the princess within to get married. It’s even entirely possible she just isn’t there to be released.

But wait, there are other great accessories at Lo Boheme!


Then again, there’s no denying the delicate beauty of the Frankie Bridal Halo. It’s an ivory satin wrapped wire strung with delicate strands of swarovski crystals and adorned with a combination of vintage (1930s and 1940s) and new millinery leaves in shades of champagne and gold. To get a better idea, here’s a detail photo:

They also have flowers, shoe clips, ring pillows, and a variety of other rather gorgeous details to make a wedding just a little more spectacular. Oh, and rush orders are often available with a small extra fee.

I’d like a word with you over here, if I may, just for a moment in between your busy schedule of exposing the ‘reality’ of weddings to us all.

Stop it. Just stop it.

What? You don’t know what I’m talking about?

I’m talking about the way brides (and the men you identify as the ‘woman’ in gay male couples) are portrayed in your shows.

It would be one thing if there were truly any variety in how you portray us. Then it would be about individuals. But as things stand, you have two ways of illustrating what it is to be a bride in modern America, and neither portrait is either flattering or accurate to the vast majority of women getting married.

On the one hand, you show us the adorably befuddled girl (it matters not if she is seventeen or seventy-three; she is still a girl in this version) who just can’t wrap her tiny brain around all the very, very, very difficult concepts involved in planning a wedding. She can’t tell a canape from a camellia and desperately needs a big, strong wedding planner(/salon owner/cake decorator/florist/etc.) to make everything happen magically despite her utter inability to contribute thoughtfully to the process. She is patted on the head and allowed to cutely dribble in a corner while the experts figure out the painfully difficult logistics of getting her married in a way that won’t embarrass her every time she opens her wedding album (assuming she can figure out how to do that) for the rest of her life. Thanks to the experts, she gets her magical princess moment that she could never have made happen by herself, the silly little thing.

On the other hand is the vicious, sociopathic, potentially homicidal whack job (who, again, can be any age from Diapers to Depends and is gunning for a guest spot as the unsub in the reality version of Criminal Minds) who doesn’t know a canape from a camellia, but will cut you if you point that out. She is unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace and allowed to make a mockery of her marriage before it begins. But once she ties the knot, she becomes magically docile (or at least it turns out she really, really, really [maybe] is in love with the hapless mope she’s been abusing on camera for the past two episodes of the show), so it’s all worth it in the end because she gets her magical princess moment.

You see my problem here? You can’t? Let me spell this out as simply as I can: you’re telling us that all women are utterly incapable of planning a party and staying rational at the same time. That’s the bottom line of all your programming. We have the choice of being thought of as helpless or god-help-us with nothing in between.

Can you imagine for one moment if there was a reality show about planning black tie charity events where every single client who walked through the door of the planner’s business was assumed to be a blithering idiot with no clue how anything at all is done? And some of the women I’ve seen on bridal reality shows being presented as drooling, brainless incompetents say they have jobs where putting on big parties and organizing conferences is simply one of their duties.

Trust me, anyone who can throw a major charity event or put together a large conference has more than the skills required to organize a wedding reception, whether they rely on hired guns or become DIY divas.

And then you get the third layer where some of the worst antics in the history of the show Bridezillas have been committed by women who claim to be wedding industry professionals! Almost every season there seems to be at least one ‘zilla who is a wedding planner who still can’t seem to figure out why anybody should expect her to feed her guests or invite her MOH’s husband. In this case, even if you are a professional, you are still utterly incompetent to handle your own wedding plans! Why? Because you are a bride, and brides can’t do this stuff on their own.

So wedding reality show creators, STOP IT!

The vast majority of women getting married today are reasonable people of at least reasonable intelligence. Many of us have already planned major social events of one kind or another and have some clue about keeping guests at said events entertained and fed. Some of us have already been involved in the planning of one or more weddings, and understand what’s involved. Even if we haven’t done that, most of us are intelligent enough to comprehend the basic concepts once they are presented to us.

Whether we hire professionals to carry out our plans or choose to keep control in our hot little hands or – the most common approach – do a little of each, we are adults. We have our own tastes, preferences, dreams, and nightmares. We are not interchangeable dolls for the wedding profession to dress up however they see fit at the moment. We are not rabid dogs. We are not cautionary tales.

People.

We are people.

And we’d like to be treated as such, thank you very much.

The wedding was held last night and was attended by such family friends as the rest of KISS, Hugh Hefner, and Bill Maher, as well as the happy couple’s two children, Nick and Sophie.

The tune is may be bit of a wedding cliche at this point, but when the couple had their first dance to At Last by Etta James… I gotta say, it might be the most appropriate use of it ever. Twenty-eight years is a long, long time to be meandering toward the alter, but it seems to have worked for them.

I hope you’ll all join with me in wishing Gene and Shannon every possible joy as they begin a new chapter in their relationship. Mazeltov, you crazy kids!

Sometimes doing things a little differently works out really well, as in this rather fabulous wedding held in Poland for this lovely couple, Kabinka and Wisnia.As you can see, she’s wearing trousers and a gorgeous frock coat while he’s wearing a long skirt. Both accessorized with joyful smiles.

You can get a better look at both outfits in this photograph:

After the formality of the ceremony, Kabinka removed her coat for the reception and danced the night away looking fresh and comfortable and every inch a bride:

And the lesson we learn here is that unconventional isn’t something to fear. Follow your heart, whether you’re choosing a life partner or what to wear while marrying the person of your dreams. It’s all about staying true to who you are.

(all images by Ania Roth Photography via This Charming Wedding)

This, though, isn’t the interesting bit. That would be the fact that he managed to keep the carpet a secret from Samantha until they walked out their front door to head for the church, some 200 meters away.

Phil, who owns a carpet shop, had gone to elaborate lengths to fool his beautician daughter into thinking that she was going to make the bridal entrance on the back of his elaborately decorated quad bike.
The bizarre ruse worked as Sam braced herself to mount the unusual steed before it was revealed she had her very own magical red carpet for the fairy tale stroll to the church.

Clearly this isn’t an idea for everyone. Access to that much red carpet, and the ability to get streets cordoned off for the walk to the wedding venue make it impractical for most of us. And, of course, there are brides who would rather be swallowed whole by the Earth than walk a red carpet to church. In this case, however, it seems that the ability to get the practicalities dealt with, the personality of the bride in question, and the weather all cooperated to make Phil’s vision a happy reality.

Samantha and Adam are currently honeymooning in Egypt, and I hope that all of you will join with me in wishing them a long, happy marriage full of charming surprises.

Why not? Well, she was a prison guard and of a solid, muscular build. She assumed that all brides are thin, younger, office workers. No, really, that’s what she said.

But it isn’t the truth.

Any woman who is getting married is a bride. It doesn’t matter if she’s tall:


or short:

fat:

or thin:

black:

white:

asian:

or latina:

gay:

or straight:

geeky:

or totally goth:

able-bodied:

or a wheelchair user:

even if you weren’t born into a woman’s body:

If you’re a woman and you’re getting married, you are a bride, therefore you look like a bride; the bride you are. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you what you have to look like to be a bride.

And you know what else? You deserve just as much happiness and just as much celebration as any other bride.

In other news, I’m going to be taking a little vacation for the month of August. But don’t worry, I’ll be back like the swallows to Capistrano come September. Be good while I’m away!

Lovey-dovey, sure, but I feel like there's some happysilly there, too

Hot stuff!

Laughter on your wedding day, can't beat it!

La Petite Acadienne had this to say about the photos she shared: “Our photographer was Anthony Vazquez. My husband and I went away to New York to get married — just the two of us — and Anthony was one of the very few wedding photographers who was willing to come shoot for just an hour. Most of them had a 6 hour minimum, and what would I need 6 hours of photography for when it was just the two of us? Anyway, we were absolutely thrilled with the photos. There are so many nice ones, I could have sent you an entire album. I’ve selected a few that I adore, though — I think they really speak to who we are as a couple: goofy, passionate, and very much in love.”

Now it’s your turn to gush in the comments about how gorgeous they look – don’t be shy!