These days the rules aren’t quite so cut and dried. The duties of bridesmaids and groomsmen now range anywhere from ‘show up on this day and wear something in this general color range’ to spending a year being the bride’s personal slave and whipping girl. You may be told to wear whatever you like within a color/style range, or you may be informed that you’re getting matching shoes, jewelry, mani pedis, updos, make up, and Botox injections… at your own expense, natch.

What did I expect of my attendants? Well, I expected they would all show up on the big day wearing the skirts and blouses I gave them patterns and fabric for. I told them to trim the outfits any way they liked and to wear whatever flat shoes they preferred. I expected them to keep their naughty bits covered and have as good a time as they could at a party. One of the bridesmaids did sew my gown, and I expected she would get it done in time for me to wear it down the aisle… but when it nearly didn’t happen, I considered the friendship a lot more important than my wedding gown. My MOH held a lovely shower for me, helped address envelopes, and drove me on a couple errands, but these were voluntary things I appreciated, not orders from me.

As for the men, they were entirely Mr. Twistie’s bailiwick. I think all he expected was that they would show up on the day wearing what he wanted having read his mind. One of my brothers called me three weeks before the wedding asking what he was supposed to wear as a groomsman. He threatened that if he didn’t hear from Mr. Twistie soon, he was going to show up in a kimono and top hat. I told him that was more than fine by me, but I would have Mr. Twistie call him with any instructions he might have. It seems he just assumed that all his guys had some form of formalwear in their closets and would simply wear that. I told him to let them know that for certain. Drat. I kind of wanted to see the kimono and top hat combo.

So while the women all wore the same basic pattern in the same basic fabric with wildly divergent accessories, trims, and hairstyles, the men wore everything from kilts to tail coats.

Other than that… we really didn’t expect much.

But I’m curious. What did/do you expect? How much do you care about matching outfits, parties in your honor, and help with DIY projects?

WHAT IS HAPPENING???

First impressions, from my end: NOOOOOOO. Do not want. Maybe I’ll write a letter to Dessy letting them know that a huge bias ruffle trim at the neck – paired with what looks like a giant elastic belt, no less – isn’t going to flatter any bridesmaid ever. Look, maybe I’m just against this because I was a little kid in the 80s and the fashion of the day scared me. But I don’t think so. Hating the nouveau 80s bridesmaid dresses with a passion over here.

Would YOU wear it willingly? Or subject your bridesmaids to it?

The bridesmaid luncheon… I’m very curious to know how many of y’all have hosted one as a bride or will host one, and whether you’ve attended one as a bridesmaid.

All the ladies in the house say luuuuunch!

I have been a bridesmaid the average number of times, and I was honored each time a bride picked me when it came time to choose bridesmaids. So much so that I never noticed that none of them treated me to a fancy midday meal prior to the wedding! No, really. Up until a few years ago, I’d never even heard of a bridesmaid luncheon, and recent reading has led me to believe that the bridesmaid luncheon may be a regional tradition. Particularly the bridesmaid luncheon that involves a color palette, a theme, a venue other than one’s home or the local Mexican restaurant where they give out free sombreros, and more than one table’s worth of ‘maids.

P.S. – Worried about being a bridesmaid? Check out The Knot Bridesmaid Handbook: Help the Bride Shine Without Losing Your Mind for practical pointers!

Merrily mismatched red shoes from Ampersand Photography

Balloons and blue dresses via Green Wedding Shoes

Works with darker blues, too, as proven by Josh Liba

Leg warmers! Eeeee!

From Heather H. Photography

It even works on flower girls!

From Martha Stewart Weddings

I’m getting married to a great guy at the end of this year and neither of us has chosen our attendants yet. I was talking about the whole thing with one of my friends who said right out that she’d rather not be included as a bridesmaid so I’m safe there, but she did mention that I probably ought to invite my fiance’s younger sister to be in the bridal party because not doing so would be offensive to my fiance’s family. What? I’ve never heard anything like that and my fiance has never brought it up, but it’s so easy to hurt people’s feelings and I don’t want to offend anyone. Do I really need to invite my fiance’s sister to be a bridesmaid? She’s nice and all, and we get along, but it’s not like we’re close.

Let me tell you a story: Once upon a time, an ex boyfriend told me that if we ever got married – thank goodness that train never left the station – he’d expect me to invite his sister to be a member of my half of the wedding party and that if I didn’t, he’d and his entire family would be sorely offended. It would literally be an insult to not invite her to be a bridesmaid. I was all, wait, that’s a thing? Turns out that in some families, it IS a thing. As in a thing you better do if you want to have at least a passing relationship with your in-laws. But from what I gather, my ex’s family’s attitude is thankfully not the norm.

Sometimes, of course, a bride and groom (or bride and bride or groom and groom) will come to some agreement regarding swapping or including siblings to keep the halves of the wedding party even or segregated by gender. Now that it’s becoming increasingly acceptable to have bridesmen and groomsmaids, however, fewer couples feel compelled to hand off sisters and brothers to their future spouses. There’s no one wrong way to build a wedding party, so siblings can be included however you want them to be included. That is, IF you want to include them.

Ryan Smith Photography shows us what a sibling-heavy wedding can look like

I’m guessing from the tone of your email that you’re not exactly thrilled with the idea of having to give up one of your bridesmaid spots to someone you’re not particularly close to. My take on the matter is this: If you haven’t felt any particular pressure to include your fiance’s female siblings in your side of the wedding party and the idea never occurred to you on your own, I’d say don’t worry about it. It’s highly unlikely that your fiance’s family is gunning for your FSIL to be a bridesmaid and if she or your fiance hasn’t even hinted at the matter, you’re probably in the clear.

And let’s say the worst happens and someone does get offended… they’ll get over it. That’s a heck of a lot better than planning a wedding all on your lonesome because there’s no one among your bridal party that you’re close to at all, which really sucks.

Have you heard about this? As an ‘emergent tradition,’ is your first impression one of love or one of hate? My take is that if you have the money and the time and the inclination to take upskirt shots of yourself in your bridesmaids when you post for photos, then go for it and grab some bridesmaids’ garters (maybe even flask garters). But it does seem kind of silly to give yourself yet another wedding planning to-do when there’s a good chance that very few people will see the result of your efforts.

(Just had to add, how amazing and fun does this pre-wedding outing look? Wish I’d been a part of it!)

With that in mind, here are nine bridesmaids’ dresses for under $100 – they’re all different, but what they have in common is that none of them are sold as ‘bridesmaids’ dresses’.

The top three are from Nordstrom, the middle three are from Chadwicks, and the bottom three are from Target (and also very patriotic, for some reason). Almost all of them are available in other colors.

Brides who want to outfit their bridesmaids on a budget should look for special occasion dresses, party dresses, and formal dresses at shops that aren’t geared toward weddings. The only thing to be aware of is that inventory can run out, so if you find a bridesmaids dress you love at a non-weddingy store, check to make sure it’s still available in the sizes your bridesmaids will need. If it is, let your ladies know they need to buy ASAP – it can always wait in the back of a closet until it’s time to visit a seamstress.

In a lot of cases, your bridesmaids will pay a lot less for a better quality dress if you avoid the dreaded W word while shopping around for their frocks. Will you be shopping outside of the box for your bridesmaids’ dresses?

Fans for the bridesmaids can be as simple or as complex as you want them to be. Some brides choose rather plain sandalwood fans dressed up with ribbons or lace or even basic paper fans in pretty colors. Others go for something a bit more outrageous, like peacock feather fans or butterfly fans. Sound sweet? Under the cut you’ll find a taste of inspiration to help you choose the perfect fans for your bridesmaids.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone outside of the realm of busybody biddies who has a problem with colored wedding dresses, but I’m loathe to believe that they’re overtaking white wedding dresses in terms of popularity. When, after all, was the last time you attended a wedding where the bride wore purple and the bridesmaids were in white (like in this pretty picture from Simply Bloom Photography)? But frankly, I LOVE the idea. Why not take the usual wedding color template and mix it up a little? It’s not like anyone at the wedding will have trouble identifying the bride!

Would you consider wearing a colored gown and dressing your bridesmaids in white?

Remember this awesome picture of a bridesmaid in stripey socks? Turns out, it’s not just a bridesmaid who’s a little quirky. Those are the namesake socks of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Socks – a group of people who send around that very pair of tootsie warmers and post photographic evidence on Flickr. I’m not sure if the group is still active, but if wouldn’t matter much to me if it was. Turns out the Sisterhood is closed to new membership except to those with a contact already in the group.