Manolo for the Brides

Remember dyeable shoes for bridesmaids? I can recall taking white ballet flats from somewhere like Payless to a shoe shop to have them dyed to match exactly the color of my junior bridesmaid dress, way back when in the 80s. Now that was a look. Today the rules are more lax when it comes to the feet of the bridesmaid. Some brides want their bridesmaids’ shoes to match (not the dresses, just each other) while others are happy if their bridesmaids’ shoes are appropriate to the event, color and style be damned.

Me? I just wanted my bridesmaids to show up with shoes, which shouldn’t seem at all odd when you consider how much trouble I had getting them to buy their dresses. Shoes? Please just wear them and we’ll call it even.

Personally, I like matching bridesmaids’ shoes and mismatched bridesmaids’ shoes. It all depends on the dresses and the whims of the bride. What you don’t want is one bridesmaid wearing chunky black platform heels and another bridesmaid in bright yellow ballet flats, with a third bridesmaid sporting bridesmaid sneakers that have been bedazzled all the hell. You wouldn’t want that last one regardless, I’m sure.

Coordination is good when it comes to mismatched bridesmaids’ shoes, so let your gals know they should all be on the same page if you’ve decided to let them do their own thing where footwear is concerned. Perhaps go one step further and dictate a kind of shoe, like ’strappy sandals’ or ‘peep-toe pumps,’ or a color or color family. To conclude, almost anything goes, but a little coordination goes a long way.

What do you think?

For some, being asked to serve as a bridesmaid is both an honor and a burden. Time spent assembling complicated wedding invitations or funneling candy into favor boxes is one thing; money spent is quite another. I’d wager that most of you reading this would be happy to accompany a friend as she shops for her wedding gown or samples wedding cake. Would you be as pleased if you found out this same friend expected you to pay $600 for bridesmaid attire? Or if she made it clear that her idea of the perfect bachelorette party is a week in Cancun paid for by her attendants?

It’s not uncommon for bridesmaids or a maid-of-honor to accept a wedding party post without knowing what they’re getting into. That’s why there are books like Everything Bridesmaid: From Planning the Shower to Supporting the Bride, All You Need to Survive and Enjoy the Wedding and The Bridesmaid Handbook and The Bridesmaid Guide: Etiquette, Parties and Being Fabulous and even The Quintessential Wedding Guide … Maid of Honor.

In other words, while first-time maids and MOHs may not know quite what’s expected of them, there are plenty of how-tos out there ready to help. Get your dress on time, they say. Throw a bridal shower. Bustle the gown. Herd the groomsmen. Hold the bride’s bouquet. Give a speech. And so on.

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I was reading about the 20 weirdest Craigslist postings when I came across this unusual want ad:

So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn’t matter….you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won’t have to pay for a thing.

Gee, I wonder if the whole “you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me” thing has anything to do with this bride not having enough friends to fill out her bridal party? That aside, it’s easy to see why a bride would automatically feel the need to find extra girlfriends or guyfriends to ensure wedding attendant symmetry. At almost every wedding I’ve attended (and I’ve been to quite a few) there were an equal number of guys and gals on either side of the officiant.

But just because that’s the usual way of doing things doesn’t mean it’s the only way of doing things. Sometimes the groom has groomsmaids and the bride has bridesmen, or both sides are entirely mixed. Sometimes brides and grooms have no attendants standing with them at all. And occasionally, a wedding party is made up of lots and lots of bridesmaids (or groomsmen) and just a few groomsmen (or bridesmaids).

When you’re facing bridesmaid/groomsman inequity, the processional and recessional are the trickiest things to coordinate… and it’s not even that tricky! You can have all the men wait at the altar with the groom and let all the ladies walk the aisle solo. Everyone can walk solo, if you prefer. When there are two men to every woman (or vice versa), you can double up as long as your aisle is wide enough for three. You can also have some groups of three, some doubles, and some people walking solo, as necessary. Or, heck, you might just have everyone run out crazy-style all at once. Anything goes, provided your ceremony location or house of worship is okay with your decision.

But if you share the OP’s conundrum and are mainly worried about how your wedding photos will look, my advice is chill. There’s no law stating that you have to line everyone up on either side of the bride and groom in your pictures. Group up like the huge wedding party in the above wedding pic and the difference in numbers between the bride’s attendants and the groom’s attendants will be a lot less obvious.

Image via

Planning a wedding is arguably one of the most time-consuming responsibilities one can take on. Yes, a wedding is at its heart just a really big party, but most brides- and grooms-to-be have never had to put together an event budget, vet and hire vendors, track down color coordinated party gear, and wrangle party VIPS while also trying to stay on top of work and spend time with friends, family, and their SOs. Now maybe it’s just me, but the thought of adding extra to dos or expenses to the bride’s plate sets my teeth on edge.

What you see above is a bridesmaid letter. This is not to be confused with a heartfelt note asking the special people in your life to stand by your side when you say your wedding vows. Rather, this is an overview of all of your wedding details, from the color of the bridesmaid dresses to a description of the wedding cake. Bridesmaid letters may also include lists of duties the bride would like her bridesmaids to take on or lists of bridesmaid “don’ts.” This particular bridesmaid letter took much more work than sending a card, creating an e-mail list, or setting up a wedding planning blog would have.

I’m not against bridesmaid letters, of course — bridesmaids who are in the know are less stressed out than those who aren’t. I’m likewise not against detailed and extravagant bridesmaid letters. What does drive me nuts, however, is the idea that the bride who does not go above and beyond the call of duty (by, say, designing a fancy bridesmaid letter) is shirking her prenuptial responsibilities. That said, I almost hope that bridesmaid letters like the one above don’t become the next must-have wedding accessory. In much the same way that save-the-date cards with their niche usefulness have become a common piece of stationery, I could see bridesmaid letters going from functional for some to necessary for all.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that brides and grooms shouldn’t feel compelled to spend their time or their money on X, Y, or Z because another couple did or because a particular wedding accessory has become popular. If something matters to YOU — be it creating a beautiful DIY bridesmaid letter or finding the perfect bridal shoes — then put your all into it, but if you catch yourself doing or buying something because the media or someone on a bridal message board says your special day will be less special without it, it’s time to reconsider your priorities.

Chances are that every wedding you’ve been to has included some sort of bridal party. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, a flower girl and/or ring bearer…these are common. In fact, I would bet good money that at least a hefty percentage of our readers have been in weddings where they were not the ones getting married. For my part, I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, maid of honor once, and once I got grabbed at the last minute to attend the bride at a spur-of-the-moment vow reaffirmation.

But now that you’re getting married, you need to decide whom to ask to attend you and in what capacity. That’s where things can get tricky. You may not really know what jobs there are, what sort of person is best suited to said job, or even whether you want these roles filled at all. The fact is that while you will need witnesses for legal purposes (anywhere from one to three people, depending on state law if you’re in the US), those people are not required to hold particular titles or wear matching clothes…but most of us do have those witnesses or other close friends and family members stand by our sides.

Fear not! Here’s a brief rundown of bridal attendants, common and un, in a typical western-style wedding. Read on to get a better idea of what your options are and how to best meet your needs in putting together a bridal party.

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Let me preface this post by saying I love Lynn Lugo bridesmaid dresses — the colors are gorgeous, there are silhouettes for a variety of body types, and the fabrics are lovely. That said, I’ve never hidden my disdain for the butt bow, an accessory that adds bulk precisely where most bridesmaids would like to avoid adding bulk. It now appears that the giant butt bows that became giant boob bows late last year have moved yet again.

Enter the giant gut bow, an embellishment that does what the butt bow does, except in the tummy area.

I know that when I think of the perfect attendant’s dress, I envision something that will draw attention to the curve of my stomach. Wait, no, that’s not quite right… My bad! I meant to say that I like dresses that make my stomach look as flat as possible, even now at four months of pregnancy. Big ol’ bows that compel people to stare fixedly at your bridesmaids’ bellies? Why would you want to do such a thing?

Is it just me, or is a strapless dress just a teensy-weensy bit inappropriate for an older flower girl or younger junior bridesmaid. I’ll admit that I’m shite at guessing people’s ages, but the girl wearing this frock just seems a bit underdeveloped for this particular look.

If you’re wondering, this is one of the Jasmine dresses from Kirstie Kelly for Disney Fairy Tale Weddings. The site describes it thusly: Floor length, strapless A-line gown. Pleated bust with embroidered beaded trim on empire line.

That’s all well and good, Kirstie Kelly, but there’s just one problem. There is no bust there! When you put ruffles like that on a grown-up gown, the ruffles create a sort of shelf for whatever bosoms happen to be extant. Grown-up gals know about things like double-sided tape and Nippies. Little gals know a whole lot of nothing about that sort of thing.

So tell me Kirstie Kelly…What happens if the poor girl in the picture bends over? Sure those ruffles look stiff in the photo above, but they look a lot less like the unencroachable barrier they ought to be in the picture below.