Reader K., who wishes to remain anon for obvious reasons, wrote to me to ask about siblings in the wedding party – specifically inviting other people’s siblings into your own.

I’m getting married to a great guy at the end of this year and neither of us has chosen our attendants yet. I was talking about the whole thing with one of my friends who said right out that she’d rather not be included as a bridesmaid so I’m safe there, but she did mention that I probably ought to invite my fiance’s younger sister to be in the bridal party because not doing so would be offensive to my fiance’s family. What? I’ve never heard anything like that and my fiance has never brought it up, but it’s so easy to hurt people’s feelings and I don’t want to offend anyone. Do I really need to invite my fiance’s sister to be a bridesmaid? She’s nice and all, and we get along, but it’s not like we’re close.

Let me tell you a story: Once upon a time, an ex boyfriend told me that if we ever got married – thank goodness that train never left the station – he’d expect me to invite his sister to be a member of my half of the wedding party and that if I didn’t, he’d and his entire family would be sorely offended. It would literally be an insult to not invite her to be a bridesmaid. I was all, wait, that’s a thing? Turns out that in some families, it IS a thing. As in a thing you better do if you want to have at least a passing relationship with your in-laws. But from what I gather, my ex’s family’s attitude is thankfully not the norm.

Sometimes, of course, a bride and groom (or bride and bride or groom and groom) will come to some agreement regarding swapping or including siblings to keep the halves of the wedding party even or segregated by gender. Now that it’s becoming increasingly acceptable to have bridesmen and groomsmaids, however, fewer couples feel compelled to hand off sisters and brothers to their future spouses. There’s no one wrong way to build a wedding party, so siblings can be included however you want them to be included. That is, IF you want to include them.

Ryan Smith Photography shows us what a sibling-heavy wedding can look like

I’m guessing from the tone of your email that you’re not exactly thrilled with the idea of having to give up one of your bridesmaid spots to someone you’re not particularly close to. My take on the matter is this: If you haven’t felt any particular pressure to include your fiance’s female siblings in your side of the wedding party and the idea never occurred to you on your own, I’d say don’t worry about it. It’s highly unlikely that your fiance’s family is gunning for your FSIL to be a bridesmaid and if she or your fiance hasn’t even hinted at the matter, you’re probably in the clear.

And let’s say the worst happens and someone does get offended… they’ll get over it. That’s a heck of a lot better than planning a wedding all on your lonesome because there’s no one among your bridal party that you’re close to at all, which really sucks.

When did bridesmaids’ garters become a thing? This is one of those weird wedding accessories that I came across unexpectedly in a shop and had to do a double take. Before you start wondering if you have yet another thing you need to buy before the wedding, know that it’s definitely not a widespread thing. There are a few forum posts here and there about it and a handful of wedding photos that include bridesmaids’ garters on the legs of the ladies. But still, I can find some sources pushing bridesmaids’ garters as something we should all know about.

Have you heard about this? As an ‘emergent tradition,’ is your first impression one of love or one of hate? My take is that if you have the money and the time and the inclination to take upskirt shots of yourself in your bridesmaids when you post for photos, then go for it and grab some bridesmaids’ garters (maybe even flask garters). But it does seem kind of silly to give yourself yet another wedding planning to-do when there’s a good chance that very few people will see the result of your efforts.

(Just had to add, how amazing and fun does this pre-wedding outing look? Wish I’d been a part of it!)

Back in 2009, I posted a poll asking how much brides can ask bridesmaids to spend on a wedding and the winning answer was “It depends on the financial situation of each bridesmaid.” But that answer didn’t win by much! The next most popular answers were “$100-$250″ and “$250-$500.” Now me, if a friend asked me to spend $500 as one of her wedding attendants, I’d politely decline – which is the right thing to do if you can’t afford all the *stuff* associated with a wedding. Of course, it’s equally polite to not ask friends to break their budgets to be a part of your wedding!

With that in mind, here are nine bridesmaids’ dresses for under $100 – they’re all different, but what they have in common is that none of them are sold as ‘bridesmaids’ dresses’.

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When it comes to bouquet alternatives for the bride or for the bridesmaid, fans tend to pop into my head first – mainly because we gave our wedding guests fans as favors at our summertime Florida wedding. Yes, I know it’s the dead of winter – at least here in frigid MA – but that means it’s the perfect time to be thinking about (or losing ourselves in thoughts of) summertime weddings!

Fans for the bridesmaids can be as simple or as complex as you want them to be. Some brides choose rather plain sandalwood fans dressed up with ribbons or lace or even basic paper fans in pretty colors. Others go for something a bit more outrageous, like peacock feather fans or butterfly fans. Sound sweet? Under the cut you’ll find a taste of inspiration to help you choose the perfect fans for your bridesmaids.

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I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone outside of the realm of busybody biddies who has a problem with colored wedding dresses, but I’m loathe to believe that they’re overtaking white wedding dresses in terms of popularity. When, after all, was the last time you attended a wedding where the bride wore purple and the bridesmaids were in white (like in this pretty picture from Simply Bloom Photography)? But frankly, I LOVE the idea. Why not take the usual wedding color template and mix it up a little? It’s not like anyone at the wedding will have trouble identifying the bride!

Would you consider wearing a colored gown and dressing your bridesmaids in white?

Remember this awesome picture of a bridesmaid in stripey socks? Turns out, it’s not just a bridesmaid who’s a little quirky. Those are the namesake socks of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Socks – a group of people who send around that very pair of tootsie warmers and post photographic evidence on Flickr. I’m not sure if the group is still active, but if wouldn’t matter much to me if it was. Turns out the Sisterhood is closed to new membership except to those with a contact already in the group.

1. Somewhere to stash all that stuff:

It’s such a cliche, but the fact is that brides and bridesmaids need somewhere to stash their gear – and what better excuse for a new bag than that? This classy initial handbag is great because it doesn’t look like the usual bridalbridalbridal tote bag. Too serious for you? I’m also a huge fan of super cute (and huge) totes with fun and crazy patterns and graphics.

2. A break from planning:

What’s better than wedding planning? Taking a well-deserved break from it! I always advise couples to go on a few dates (at least) where wedding planning is an off-limits topic, but sometimes that’s just not enough to relieve the stress. I recommend buying every bride-to-be you know at least one fun or engrossing book, a la Stupid History: Tales of Stupidity, Strangeness, and Mythconceptions Throughout the Ages, Sh*t My Dad Says, or Northanger Abbey.

3. Easy packing:

I like luggage, but I’m not surprised when I meet people who don’t have real luggage. It’s expensive and a lot of brides- and grooms-to-be haven’t traveled much. But for the honeymoon? Come on, it pays to have nice suitcases. With locks. And wheels. If you really love the bride in your life, why not give her a set of Samsonite luggage in beautiful shiny black (at a whopping 55% off!) for her post-wedding getaway.

4. Some peace of mind on the big day:

The wedding may be months away, but wedding day survival kits make great, easy stocking stuffers for the bride-to-be, the groom-to-be, and the bridesmaids. You can always DIY it with a cute makeup bag and supplies from the drug store, but Ms. a& Mrs. makes all-inclusive bride’s survival kits, survival kits for the groom and groomsmen, and bridesmaids’ survival kits.

5. Something blue:

If you’re close to the bride, why not offer to get her that special ‘something blue’? Or, better yet, get her something blue that she doesn’t have to figure out how to integrate into the wedding day look she’s already coordinated. I sure wouldn’t have minded a holiday gift of a cute Keep Calm pendant, a blue digital camera from Samsung, or a Le Creuset stockpot!

6. A little bit of relaxation:

Yes, soap is soap, but isn’t it just a little fun, pre-wedding, to pamper yourself with shower and bath goodies with scents like wedding cake and bridal bouquet? For the bride-to-be in your life, there’s the Philosophy’s Bride gift set and for everyone else in the wedding, there’s the Bridal Party gift set.

7. Something to giggle at:

Forget the Williams-Sonoma Bride & Groom Cookbook and give the happy couple The New InterCourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook at $10 off the cover price. Why? First, it’s a lot more fun! And second, The Beard and I were recipe testers so we appear in the book! Really, the recipes are delish, and the book itself is pretty spicy.

8. Easy memories:

Finally, give the bride the gift of beautiful memories with a white wedding scrapbook, an easy wedding scrapbook page kit, and extra wedding scrapbook pages. Better yet, buy the books and the kits, wait for the wedding, and give the bride a belated holiday gift in the form of a scrapbook that’s already filled in!