Manolo for the Brides

I was reading about the 20 weirdest Craigslist postings when I came across this unusual want ad:

So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn’t matter….you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won’t have to pay for a thing.

Gee, I wonder if the whole “you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me” thing has anything to do with this bride not having enough friends to fill out her bridal party? That aside, it’s easy to see why a bride would automatically feel the need to find extra girlfriends or guyfriends to ensure wedding attendant symmetry. At almost every wedding I’ve attended (and I’ve been to quite a few) there were an equal number of guys and gals on either side of the officiant.

But just because that’s the usual way of doing things doesn’t mean it’s the only way of doing things. Sometimes the groom has groomsmaids and the bride has bridesmen, or both sides are entirely mixed. Sometimes brides and grooms have no attendants standing with them at all. And occasionally, a wedding party is made up of lots and lots of bridesmaids (or groomsmen) and just a few groomsmen (or bridesmaids).

When you’re facing bridesmaid/groomsman inequity, the processional and recessional are the trickiest things to coordinate… and it’s not even that tricky! You can have all the men wait at the altar with the groom and let all the ladies walk the aisle solo. Everyone can walk solo, if you prefer. When there are two men to every woman (or vice versa), you can double up as long as your aisle is wide enough for three. You can also have some groups of three, some doubles, and some people walking solo, as necessary. Or, heck, you might just have everyone run out crazy-style all at once. Anything goes, provided your ceremony location or house of worship is okay with your decision.

But if you share the OP’s conundrum and are mainly worried about how your wedding photos will look, my advice is chill. There’s no law stating that you have to line everyone up on either side of the bride and groom in your pictures. Group up like the huge wedding party in the above wedding pic and the difference in numbers between the bride’s attendants and the groom’s attendants will be a lot less obvious.

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Maids-of-honor and bridesmaids take note: If you’re absolutely stymied when it comes to a thoughtful shower gift for the bride-to-be, why not give your gal pal the gift of some free time? I recently read a tale about a very astute bridesmaid who, in lieu of (or perhaps in addition to) a physical bridal shower present for the guest of honor, gave the bride-to-be the gift of pretty thank you notecards with envelopes that were already addressed to all of the shower attendees. All the bride-to-be had to do was write out her thank you cards, affix some stamps to the already-addressed envelopes, and drop the whole works in the mail.

Sound like a great gift? Take it to the next level by including postage stamps on each addressed envelope so the bride-to-be doesn’t have to make a side trip to the post office.

Chances are that every wedding you’ve been to has included some sort of bridal party. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, a flower girl and/or ring bearer…these are common. In fact, I would bet good money that at least a hefty percentage of our readers have been in weddings where they were not the ones getting married. For my part, I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, maid of honor once, and once I got grabbed at the last minute to attend the bride at a spur-of-the-moment vow reaffirmation.

But now that you’re getting married, you need to decide whom to ask to attend you and in what capacity. That’s where things can get tricky. You may not really know what jobs there are, what sort of person is best suited to said job, or even whether you want these roles filled at all. The fact is that while you will need witnesses for legal purposes (anywhere from one to three people, depending on state law if you’re in the US), those people are not required to hold particular titles or wear matching clothes…but most of us do have those witnesses or other close friends and family members stand by our sides.

Fear not! Here’s a brief rundown of bridal attendants, common and un, in a typical western-style wedding. Read on to get a better idea of what your options are and how to best meet your needs in putting together a bridal party.

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As a guest, I tend to tune out wedding speeches unless I’m familiar with both the object of the speech (i.e., the bride or groom) and the speech giver. Listening to 45 minutes of daddy waxing on misty-eyed about his little girl’s swimming trophies for 45 minutes a la Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason tends to put me into a fugue state wherein I eat far too much cake and the champagne in my glass keeps disappearing mysteriously.

The bride and groom, however, are typically quite interested in what everyone has to say because they are the ones being talked about! I know that I was particularly looking forward to the best man’s speech at my own wedding because he’s such a tremendously sweet fellow and I was hoping he’d say something nice about me or us. Let it be known that he did not disappoint, and the air was full of Awwws and little sniffs the whole time he had the mic.

Of course, he wasn’t the only one to take a stab at wowing the crowd, but he was indeed a tough act to follow. The Beard’s mother told a story about car thievery, and an uncle of mine saw fit to remind everyone that he’d changed my diapers when I was but a wee lass. I even vaguely remember one of my brothers getting on the mic to tell assembled loved ones that he’d met The Beard in Nam and that we’re both “slick ballers.”

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I just can’t tell you how many times the topic of gender bending attendants has come up on the bridal forums I frequent. I’m not talking about odd Cousin Eddie who decided to become Edwina, however. That at least would be kind of interesting…there’s so much talk about curvy, voluptuous bridesmaids and perhaps not enough about flat, angular bridesmaids with unexpected bulges. I think I’ll save that discussion for a late date, however.

Whenever I encounter questions about groomsmaids and bridesmen, there are always a few individuals who think that putting a man where maids traditionally stand or inserting a maid among the men is the height of overt and icky unconformity. I’ll say right now that I don’t agree at all. I’m going to venture a guess and say that most of the people reading this do not live in gender segregated societies. In fact, many of those folks who are of a marriageable age grew up with friends of both the Tab A and Slot B varieties, and they may have also hung out with individuals who identified as neither or as something in between.

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