Watching too many wedding reality shows can do strange things to your head. Over the months in which I’ve been writing this blog on weekends, I’ve started watching way too many of these shows. Frankly, I consider it part of my job to know what sort of crap non-advice is lurking in the shadows, as well as what’s worth tuning in to get some great tips.

For the most part, these shows are definitely the nasty things lurking under the bed in terms of advice. Watched uncritically, one could quickly come to the conclusion that weddings cannot be done on a reasonable budget, and that failing to overspend is the worst thing you can do on your big day short of actually assaulting someone. Brides (and far more often grooms and fathers) are berated for asking the simple question ‘does that fit in the budget?’ or for saying outright ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t afford that.’ The rare bride on these shows who dares to ask how something is to be paid for is looked upon with a combination of pity and horror. The men just get ignored with a wink and a smirk.

Then at the end of the show, the prices get toted up (well, on some shows; most don’t ever tell you how badly the budget was blown), and we learn that a pretty pedestrian wedding costs an arm, a leg, and possibly an internal organ or two. After a while, it’s easy to drink the Kook Aid and agree that budgets are made to be ignored.

Don’t fall for this attitude.

Yes, your wedding is important. Choosing to spend your life with someone is a monumental decision that deserves to be treated with due pomp and circumstance. It’s a big deal emotionally, socially, and – for many – spiritually.

At the end of the day, though, it’s…well…one day. It’s flat-out foolish to spend the next five or six years paying for one day’s activities, no matter how important they are.

(more…)

All right, so the decisions isn’t quite as simple as the title of this post implies. The Beard and I spent what money we had on a wedding, with the knowledge that money for a fabulous Costa Rican vacation would appear later. We did not anticipate, however, that the house we planned to stay at would get leased out for two whole years. You could say that our honeymoon plans have been tabled in the long term, in part because we wanted to make sure that my huge family and his little one would be with us when we wed.

I was inspired to think about this after a friend suggested I check out an older post on his blog, Travel Plan Idea:

This is actually a homework assignment for students in my debate class, but regular readers are welcome to play. The topic is eloping and splurging on a honeymoon (this includes destination weddings) vs. spending a bunch of money on a traditional wedding and spending comparatively less money on the honeymoon. For example, I barely remember my wedding reception — it was fine but nothing special compared to my nine week honeymoon in Italy. However, my sister went for the big wedding reception because she wanted to share her wedding day with as many friends and family members as possible.

(more…)

I’m a great believer in the concept that a wedding will cost precisely what you are willing to spend on it. I believe in figuring out how much you have available to work with and then tailoring the day to your budget, rather than trying to fit your budget to the party you want to throw. After all, it’s possible in most places to get married for less than a hundred dollars, if you’re fine with simply getting a marriage license and finding a budget JP to do the honors. It’s also possible to spend literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. It’s all a matter of deciding what your resources are and making smart decisions about how to spend your hard-earned cash.

But what does it cost in your area to hold a typical wedding?

I found this fun tool for getting an idea what the average wedding in your area tends to set people back. Just enter your zip code and see what number comes out. Remember, this is an average and your wedding will probably be either more or less expensive, depending on your tastes, circumstances, and resources.

(more…)

Not everyone has the cash on hand to buy themselves the ultimate matrimonial outfit. I was reminded of this truism while reading Genevieve Antoine Dariaux’s A Guide to Elegance, a book originally published in 1964. I have the 2003 edition, but it doesn’t seem to have changed much, being that Dariaux advocates the constant wearing of suits and warns against soiled kid gloves.

I wasn’t sure how to take the advice she gives brides-to-be whose dreams outstrip their budgets.

A bride-to-be never dreams of getting married in her everyday clothes, even for the most informal ceremony. If circumstances or her financial means do not permit her to wear the traditional white wedding gown, she wishes at least to appear in something new on that happy occasion. Her best solution in this case is to buy a smart suit and a very pretty hat, which can be of any style at all except for a flowered or white feather headdress with a veil.

Nothing strikes me as more pathetic than to see on Saturday morning at the doors of a church some young bride who could only afford half of a wedding ensemble, when it would have been much more charming and easier on her budget too if she had simply selected a normal city outfit. The same is true of the wedding party, who also have every interest in avoiding cho-chis and pastel shades which will be of no use to them later on.

It’s nice to know that the bridesmaids of yesteryear were as concerned about blah pastels as we are today–the most memorable part of 27 Dresses was how each and every bride told her maids that they’d be able to wear their hideous novelty dresses again–but Dariaux’s advice sounds rather condescending to me. While there’s nothing wrong with going with a nice “city outfit,” there’s a whole world of options in between the giant marshmallow gowns and the plain white suit. Especially now!

For example, this midweight silk dress from the J. Crew Wedding Shop costs a mere $225, which is a steal where wedding wear is concerned. Pair it with a silk and cashmere wrap, some gold (or gold-like) filigree jewelry, and a pair of pretty white heels for a wonderfully elegant and put-together look.

I admit it. I’ve never liked wedding veils. I just generally don’t. I never even considered wearing one at my own wedding. They aren’t my style.

On the other hand, I’ve known many a bride who wouldn’t have felt she was getting married without one. It’s traditional, after all, and many women consider them romantic. Who am I to say they’re not?

One thing I think a lot of us will agree on, though, is that wedding veils are darn expensive. I wouldn’t argue the price tag on one trimmed with antique, hand made lace and held in place with a tiara richly bejeweled with sapphires and rubies…but it’s easy to plonk down upwards of $150 on a square of tulle with a bit of ribbon trim and a couple plastic combs to hold it in place. That makes my thrify heart wheeze.

(more…)

When I first discovered the glories of Manolo for the Brides, I well remember reading an entry on corporate-sponsored weddings. The very concept made me laugh and cringe at the same time. What bride would do such a thing? What corporation would…well, that, actually was less of a question. While I hoped some would turn down anyone who asked, in my heart I knew that a great many more corporations and businesses would merrily hand over cold, hard cash and services in exchange for advertising. After all, who wouldn’t consider the corportation a caring, loving family resource after helping a strapped young couple make their dreams come true?

(raises hand)

But apparently the trend is on the rise.

Today there’s a story in the enidnews.com about wedding trends that includes the story of Oklahoma U student bride Brook Breitenkamp and her fiance Chris Carlson who are seeking sponsorship for their Sept. 22 wedding.

According to the article:

The couple intended to have a low-budget ceremony since they were footing the bill themselves. As Breitenkamp talked to friends at Enid’s First Baptist Church, the more she realized she could have a sponsored wedding. She contacted acquaintances and branched out to area businesses in need of a boost.

In exchange for corporate sponsorship, Breitenkamp is offering advertising space on her wedding programs, a list of all sponsors on her wedding website, and an invitation to a representitive of each company to come mingle at her reception to find new customers.

In exchange for all this, as of the end of August, she had raised a whopping $1,000 in goods and services.

I may be old-fashioned, but if I’m going to a dear friends’ wedding, the last thing I want is to have sales pitches lobbed at me while I’m trying to toast the happy couple.

The article went on to say that sponsored weddings are becoming more and more common in larger cities like New York or Los Angeles, though it doesn’t list a source for that statement. I choose to stick my fingers firmly in my ears and sing ‘lalalalalalalala’ until the buzzing stops.

Why is Breitenkamp doing this? I assume other brides taking this route have much the same reason and here it is:

“I tell them I’m trying not to get indebted for this wedding,” Breitenkamp said.

To which I can only reply: then throw a wedding you can afford. If you don’t have thirty thousand dollars to spend on a wedding, don’t do it. I’d much rather go to a backyard wedding and eat homemade picnic foods than have to choke down a sales pitch along with my prime rib in a hotel ballroom.

In the end, what really makes a wedding isn’t the amount of money spent on it, but the happiness of the couple and the love that went into creating whatever is on hand. I’ve felt it in backyards, state parks, tiny chapels, grand churches, and hotel ballrooms. I’ve felt it whether the bride wore a designer gown or a hand me down. It isn’t the budget that makes a wedding, but the spirit of love and hope that should surround everyone in attendance.

And if there’s one thing in the article that gives me hope, it’s this fact: several businesses have politely turned Breitenkamp down.

Did *you* know that JCPenny carries a selection of wedding dresses and frocks for bridesmaids? Because I sure didn’t.

The choices aren’t utterly spectacular, but the dresses are priced from $70 to $150, and you really can’t beat that if you’re on a budget.