Manolo for the Brides

Once upon a time, your fiance or fiancee probably would have practiced your religion, which was also your family’s religion and their family’s religion. That made things pretty simple. Oh, there might be some squabbles over this church or temple versus that church or temple, but if the bride’s parents were hosting, that wouldn’t be an issue for very long. Nowadays chances are good that you and your intended don’t come from the same religious background or practice the same faith, if any.

Off the top of my head I know married couples made up of a Catholic and a Unitarian, a Baptist and a Catholic, a Baptist and an Atheist, and a Jew and an Agnostic. Getting personal, I consider myself a non-denominational Christian, while The Beard might best be described as spiritually ambiguous, but no great fan of religion. As you can probably imagine, things can get pretty complicated in a marriage when a pair of people have different views on little-g god or big-g God or the Divine Spirit or whoever, but the wedding is often the first hurdle a couple has to make it over.

How do the successful interfaith brides and grooms do it? There are a few wedding ceremony options open to those couples who find themselves on different sides of the religion divide.

Who cares more?
When religion is very important to the bride but not so important to the groom (or bride #2 or one of the families or the other way around, you get the point) it may be worth planning a wedding ceremony based on the traditions of that person’s faith. There’s only so much you can do to make sure no one’s family is offended, but it wouldn’t be at all nice for the very religious member of the couple to have to get married without god. I’m not entirely sure, but it feels to me like it would be less painful for an committed Atheist to participate in a religious ceremony than for a committed Christian to have to have a humanist ceremony. I could be wrong, though. Edit: And I was, as was pointed out to me. To many, Atheism is as much of a core belief as faith in a deity.

Ditch the divine (for now)
Then again, if no one immediately involved really cares that much, but it’s family that’s causing the problem because they’re each pushing for a wedding ceremony that reflects their faith, you could go neutral. There are Humanist ministers and non-denominational officiants who are happy to whip you up a non-religious (but still rather spiritual) ceremony that won’t offend anyone… or make one family feel like it was jilted in favor of the other.

Creative combinations
Interfaith weddings are totally cool! I particularly like it when two people of different religions have a wedding ceremony that includes an officiant from each faith. Like the idea but finding it hard to set up? You can create your own ceremony that includes bits and pieces from the wedding ceremonies common to your religious traditions and have a spiritual (but not religious) officiant preside over the whole thing. There are some rad interfaith ministers out there who will custom design a wedding ceremony just for you.

Ceremony A, Ceremony B
In rare cases, your or your intended’s religious tradition won’t recognize you as being really and truly married if you don’t include the rites and rituals of that religion in your wedding ceremony. You could use that as the deciding factor in choosing one religion over the other, or you could have two ceremonies back to back or even two weddings. This tends to work out particular well when there are cultural clashes on top of religious differences, and when your family is in one country while your SO’s family is in another. It is, of course, the most expensive way to deal with the issue, but all parties are placated and you get two weddings!

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A metric bouquetload of you sent me links to the massive ceremony processional dance number video that’s going around. So many, in fact, that I doubt there could possibly be anyone who hasn’t seen it, but I’m going to post it just in case you’ve been hiding under a rock.

What a way to revolutionize your wedding ceremony! Or not, since this may just become the new “our traditional first dance music skipped and now we’re going to rock out with a choreographed booty shaker.” Opinions around the web are divided. Some people think the choice of a Chris Brown song is a little inauspicious for a wedding. Others believe that such a fun and original ceremony idea speaks well of the bride and groom’s life together. Then there are those who consider the ceremony entrance dance a mockery of an otherwise solemn ritual.

LOVE all the way. I just think it’s fun and cute and, hey, why not? If you and your attendants can pull it off and like to get your groove on, who’s to say (other than possibly your religious leader) that you can’t dance your way down the aisle. What say you?

There’s nothing worse than being stuck in the back rows of a wedding ceremony where one’s only glimpse of the wedding party takes place during the processional and recessional. The rest of the ceremony is usually spent staring into a man’s bald spot or a woman’s elaborate hat and straining to hear the mumbling wedding officiant. The solution, unfortunately, does not involve height-specific seating schemes — which short people like myself tend to favor for obvious reasons.

Instead, if your ceremony venue allows it, why not ape this unique wedding ceremony seating arrangement designed by Colin Cowie for a beautiful wedding that took place at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Of the design, Cowie says:

…rather than using the traditional set-up seen so many times before at the Beverly Hills Hotel, I chose to reinvent the ceremony area by creating two intersecting aisle ways, with a ceremony in the middle of the aisles and guests seated all around. The focal point of the ceremony being a square center arbor decorated with a cuff of Vendela roses and backed with a fringe of hanging lime green amaranth, created a very tailored Art Deco look.

Yes, yes, Vendela roses and Art Deco aesthetics. That’s all very well and good. I’m more enamored by the fact that in this ceremony seating scheme, wedding guests of all heights can find a seat that allows them to snap a few photos of the bride and groom without having to elbow aside the couple’s immediate family.

The always handsome mkb sent me a link to this exceedingly cool wedding photo:

And when I say cool, I mean cold.

After being pronounced husband and wife, Michael and Sigret Cook — they’re the ones in the wedding finery, obviously — exit the ice chapel custom built for their wedding on Christmas Day in Fairbanks, Alaska. That’s right, they had an entire ice chapel built just for the wedding.

The temperatures outside were hovering below zero – it wasn’t much warmer inside – but it was the perfect culmination to a whirlwind, Florida-to-Fairbanks romance that was sparked by a chance meeting on the Internet.

Ball had asked Cook to build her an ice chapel for their wedding “Lots of people get married in chapels. I will be the only one married in this chapel,” Ball said.

The chapel occasionally emitted groaning noises during the wedding, making some of the guests nervous. Terry Martin, who officiated the wedding, reassured the guests that the ice structure was sturdy as he led the wedding ceremony.

No one built me an ice chapel for my wedding (I didn’t even get a regular chapel!) but after reading about the groaning of the ice, I’m not sure I would have really enjoyed the experience.

Remember the Waffle House wedding? How about the McDonald’s wedding? Now we have the Taco Bell wedding to go with it. Paul and Caragh Brooks said their vows and then partied down at Normal, Illinois Taco Bell where they apparently spent a lot of time hanging out.

The deets: The entire shindig cost about $200, with Caragh’s hot pink dress eating a mere $15 of the total. A friend who bought one of those easy online ordinations conducted the wedding ceremony when it turned out city hall was all booked up for the day. Wedding guests ordered food off of the regular menu. The groom’s mother, Kathy Brooks, had this to say: “This is the way to go – there’s no stress.”

I LOVE it, absolutely. Caragh and Paul obviously know what they like and what they like is Taco Bell and low-key fun. They planned and enjoyed the wedding they wanted, or as they say in the fast food industry, they “had it their way.” What say you? Love it? Hate it? If you’re not sure, there’s a short video of the couple on their wedding day below the cut.

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Unusual wedding venues… some say no, I say yes.

Getting married on an airplane like Brazilian bride Eliete Ferreiraand her Portuguese groom Jose Santos… well, if you can ignore the lack of leg room, those horrid little packets of dry roasted peanuts, and the ever-present stale coffee smell that pervades the cabins of all classes of airliner, that’s your choice.

Would I do it? Nope. But what say you?

Flower girl baskets and ring bearer pillows…baskets and ring pillows…when it comes right down to it, there aren’t that many options out there for the non-DIYer. It’s not that there aren’t cool crafters making awesome wedding accessories, rather it’s that the mass-produced generic ceremony accessories get so much more play than the one-of-a-kind stuff.

That just means you have to look a little harder if you want your wedding ceremony accessories to stand out. EasterYu is on Etsy and Muscari, fighting the good fight by creating unique flower girl baskets and ring cushions out of birch wood, seashells, artificial moss, miniature birds, and velvet.

Hint hint: She also makes fabulous boutonniéres and lovely hair pins created from beautiful feather flowers.

Prices for everything from baskets to boutonniéres range from $7 to $50, and you can’t beat that!

Wedding vows. These are the words that bind a couple in marriage. Some couples take comfort and inspiration in repeating the same words their faith has been using for generations upon generations. Others prefer to strike out on their own to create something uniquely personal. Each approach has its benefits and drawbacks. The decision is one I wouldn’t dream of attempting to make for you, but I will give one piece of advice: consider carefully before doing an original set of marriage vow verses in the style of Dr. Seuss.

The gentleman who wrote these vows was saddened by the fact his bride refused to use them. While I think the parody is clever and oddly charming, I must admit I can understand the lady’s choice…but if Mr. Twistie ever expressed a willingness to have a vow reaffirmation ceremony, I might just keep this on file for such an occasion. Your mileage may vary, but I found this bit both funny and quite sweet:

Pastor: Will you love her when you’re fit,
And also when you’re feeling sick?

Groom: Yes, I’ll love her when we’re fit,
And when we’re hurt, and when we’re sick,
And I will love her when we’re rich
And I will love her in a ditch
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold
Ten years from now a thousandfold,
Yes, I will love for my whole life
This lovely woman as my wife!

Certainly nobody could question the commitment of a groom who expressed himself so forcefully and completely on the subject, could they? I do wish the bride’s version of the vows had also been included.

Whatever words you choose to express your vision of love, comittment, and family, choose them with care. These are words that should stand the test of time…ten years from now a thousandfold.