Many brides and grooms, when considering ways to add some punch to a wedding ceremony, come across what is usually called the Apache wedding prayer or Native American wedding prayer. There are quite a few different versions, but goes a little something like this:

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no loneliness,
for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead
and through all the years.
May happiness be your companion,
and your days together be good and long upon the earth.

The author of the Apache wedding prayer is usually unstated or simply listed as ‘source unknown,’ but apparently it’s not that difficult to find out who wrote it. According to Wikipedia, the Apache wedding prayer:

…was written for the 1950 Western novel Blood Brother by Elliott Arnold. The blessing entered popular consciousness when it made its way into the film adaptation of the novel Broken Arrow, scripted by Albert Maltz, and has no known connection to the traditions of the Apache or any other Native American group. The Economist, citing “One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding” by Rebecca Mead, has characterized it as “‘traditionalesque’, commerce disguised as tradition”. There have since been several different additions and alterations to the poem.

The Apache wedding prayer as it is usually recited today is somewhat different from the prayer in Blood Brother and Broken Arrow, and it’s not clear exactly when the prayer made its way into the public nuptial consciousness (and thereafter onto posters and plaques and greeting cards). What is known is that it definitely wasn’t adapted by Henry Wadworth Longfellow, as some web sites claim, since he died something like 65 years before Blood Brother was published.

So if you’ve been eyeing the Apache wedding prayer for inclusion in your wedding ceremony, you may be wondering if you should nix the idea. I say not if you love it! After all, plenty of couples include quotes and rituals from movies and books in their wedding ceremonies, and just because something doesn’t pre-date history doesn’t make it any less valuable.

I like to run wedding ideas by The Beard by prefacing them with “If I was planning our wedding all over again, I would…” and the last wedding planning idea I hit him with was having a morning wedding. Gack, I hear some people thinking, a morning wedding? Why?! And I will admit, later on in this very post even, that there are definitely some downsides to having a morning wedding. But there are upsides, too, and for the right couple with the right families and social circle, a morning wedding can be the ultimate antidote to the whole overwhelming wedding cluster-you-know-what.

Built-in ambiance
I wouldn’t advise anyone not eloping to say their vows at sunrise exactly, but morning light can make for some amazing photographs. Outdoor morning weddings are awesome, particularly if you’re getting married somewhere that gets hot as heck midway through the day. Sparkling morning dew! A refreshing breeze! Birds chirping their cheerful little heads off! What more could you want at an outdoor wedding? And for the indoors set, that great morning light still makes for fantastic photos.

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Is anyone else kind of bored with the whole unity candle/sand/water/flowers/etc. ceremony? In theory, it’s sweet – here’s a visual representation of the vows we’re making. We’re becoming one! Or our lives are becoming blended but we’re maintaining our autonomy! Either way, it’s a nice thought. But really, how many brides and grooms keep their unity candles (or use them… are you allowed to do that)? What becomes of the colored sand that probably got all shaken together post-ceremony?

(via the lovely Micah Dahlberg Photography)

When considered what we one could replace the unity *whatever* with, I came across the wedding tree planting ceremony. Now this, I like. I am the kind of gal who isn’t a huge fan of cut flowers because they wilt and wither and die, and it bums me out. When a situation warrants the purchase of flora – a birth, a death, or so on – I will almost always buy a low low lowwwww maintenance plant instead of a bouquet.

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Finding a wedding officiant can be a chore for those who don’t belong to a particular religion, don’t believe in a god or gods so would rather not be married by clergy, find the idea of choosing a spiritual minister out of the phone book kind of weird, or don’t have the faintest notion of where one finds a justice of the peace. Heck, even the unaffiliated but still religious couple may be in for a rude awakening when they look for someone to perform their wedding ceremony.

Keeping that in mind, I’m not surprised that the number of couples looking to traditional clergy when choosing a wedding officiant is dropping. According to the Wedding Report, clergy performed 70 percent of all weddings in 2008. In 2009, it was down to 62 percent, and apparently even more brides and grooms are now thinking outside the box when it comes to finding a wedding officiant.

What’s outside that box? For many brides and grooms, it’s friends and family! Instead of looking through the phone book when it comes time to decide who will coach them through their wedding vows, they’re looking no further than the contacts lists in their cell phones.

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For brides and grooms who want nuptial documentation that goes beyond the usual wedding photographs and wedding videos, there’s something called live event painting. Have you heard of it? Because I hadn’t, unless you could the court artists who sketch the accused and everyone else in trials where cameras are verboten, but that doesn’t lend itself to a joyful image of a moment in time. Live event painting is like courtroom artistry with fewer dour judges and more happy couples… not to mention fewer benches and more centerpieces. Here’s an example, from Event Painting By Agnes:

If you hire Agnes, she comes to your wedding, where she creates a fine art painting as the matrimonial action unfolds. If you’re wondering how she can do that – get the background and so on with people milling about – Agnes arrives at the reception good and early to lay down the scenery so she can focus on the bride and groom and so on once the party actually starts. Her painting is developed and perfected as the night progresses, which means you don’t end up with a perfect representation of a single slice of existence, but rather a sort of amalgamation of events.

Guests, according to Agnes, dig watching an artist at work, especially if they’re in the painting. She can, if you wish, make sure to include specific relatives or friends so that the finished work is personal. Rather like the ultimate perfect wedding photo that is impossible to actually get. That’s the element of live event painting that appeals to me – had I even known about it prior to my own wedding, I don’t know that it’s something I would have sprung for myself. But if there’s a wedding reception image that you can’t imagine living without, live event painting might just be the way to get it.

As a writer, I tend to think words are pretty important. When it comes to your wedding, the words of your ceremony and particularly the vows themselves will be of considerable importance.

Many couples choose the traditional words of their shared faith for their wedding vows. Some will need to blend two traditional ceremonies, a feat best left to the couple and their officient(s) to work out. Still others will work with their spiritual leaders or secular officiants to create a slight variation on a traditional ceremony.

But if you plan to work outside the box and create your own ceremony more or less from scratch, I’ve got some advice to help you write something that you will find meaningful every time you think about it in the years to come.
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Vera Wang has her little fingers in everything from “home fashion” to paper to flowers (thanks to FTD) and even mattresses, so it should come as no surprise that she has her own line of wedding ceremony accessories. Her Love Knots collection is, apparently, “a pattern that exemplifies the femininity of a bride, as well the artistry of the designer.” Er, thanks for telling me because I wouldn’t have noticed the artistry otherwise!.

Ho hum. It’s all right as silver and silverplate go, but I’m not enthralled. For those brides who are, there are picture frames and toasting flutes and kissing bells, all featuring what Wedgwood calls the “unmistakeable Vera Wang solution.” To what problem, I certainly do not know.