Manolo for the Brides

Chances are that every wedding you’ve been to has included some sort of bridal party. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, a flower girl and/or ring bearer…these are common. In fact, I would bet good money that at least a hefty percentage of our readers have been in weddings where they were not the ones getting married. For my part, I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, maid of honor once, and once I got grabbed at the last minute to attend the bride at a spur-of-the-moment vow reaffirmation.

But now that you’re getting married, you need to decide whom to ask to attend you and in what capacity. That’s where things can get tricky. You may not really know what jobs there are, what sort of person is best suited to said job, or even whether you want these roles filled at all. The fact is that while you will need witnesses for legal purposes (anywhere from one to three people, depending on state law if you’re in the US), those people are not required to hold particular titles or wear matching clothes…but most of us do have those witnesses or other close friends and family members stand by our sides.

Fear not! Here’s a brief rundown of bridal attendants, common and un, in a typical western-style wedding. Read on to get a better idea of what your options are and how to best meet your needs in putting together a bridal party.

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Start talking about weddings, and chances are pretty much everyone gets the same initial image: a woman in a big white gown with a veil on her head.

Of course, you will be wearing something (unless you are having a full-fledged naturist ceremony), but what is actually necessary? What’s optional? What do you really have to wear on your wedding day?

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Picture from British Cosmo Bride/Photo by Nick Scott

Unless you’re going to city hall to tie the knot, your wedding will probably be anything but simple. Hosting a party for 50 or 100 or 500 people is always going to be somewhat complicated. Your favorite venue may not be available exactly when you want it. The caterer you adore may not normally offer the vegan options that will placate your mother’s side of the family. And it can sometimes feel like everyone from your bridesmaids to your FFIL can’t make a single decision without consulting you!

AAAARGH!

The good news is that while weddings are almost always chaotic, you can take steps to make yours a little less so. Here are a few tips that may help you stay sane as you walk boldly toward wifehood (or husbandhood, for that matter).

Pay your own way
Taking gifts of matrimonial money from loved ones often means taking their input under consideration as well. Just like too many cooks ruin the soup, too many meddling relatives can ruin a wedding. Footing the bill yourself means that you can do your own thing without feeling an ounce of guilt. Of course, you should say no nicely, but by all means feel free to say no!

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I’ve always said there’s one thing weddings and funerals have in common: both are usually being planned by someone who has no experience in doing so at a time when it’s easy to be emotionally manipulated. That means it’s easy for vendors to sell you things you don’t need, don’t want, and can’t reasonably fit into your budget. It’s easy for the unscrupulous to convince you that an etiquette violation is precisely what etiquette requires. It’s easy to make decisions that later make you ask yourself what precisely was in your morning coffee on the day you chose to blow half your budget on pyrotechnics when you don’t really care about fireworks.

Well, you’re in luck. You have me to cut through the sales talk and sentimentality and give you the skinny on what is actually needed, what’s a fun optional extra you might want to consider, and what’s outright wrong on toast with a cherry on top.

So let’s talk stationery.

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