Manolo for the Brides

If there’s one thing you can count on in a bridal salon, it’s that the gowns will be expensive. The styles may also be limited. Your gown will definitely take a very long time to get to you and require alterations after it arrives. When you’re on a tight budget, putting your wedding together quickly, or planning a fairly low-key celebration, the standard bridal salon experience may well not be for you.

I thought about that the other night when a friend sent me a link to an online store she’s fond of to tell me about a big sale they were having. As I browsed the pages, I kept coming across pretty clothes I thought would make good wedding regalia.

This dress, for instance, struck me as something appropriate for a wedding gown.

It’s machine washable poly/spandex velvet and comes in sizes from eight to eighteen. Oh, and if you think it would make a great bridesmaid’s dress, too, it also comes in purple and burgundy. All that for just $89.95.

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…it was her dress.

The Telegraph tells of a bride who inadvertently mooned her guests on her big day when her designer gown came apart at the seams.

The woman is claiming damages of £20,000 from the designer, who was not named but is based at Rapallo, twenty miles from Chiavari.

Everyone has a bad day — even clothing designers — but that’s no excuse when the gown in question cost £2,000. In a day and age where one can buy a $125 wedding day frock, you shouldn’t have to do a pre-wedding safety tug on the stitching holding together a four-thousand dollar dress!

What kind of recourse do you have if you suffer a similar fate? Demanding your money back is a must. If you’re looking for retribution, a lawsuit is pretty much the only option available to you unless you have five burly brothers who are scheduled to be re-admitted to prison so what’s one more offense? You could also ask the designer for some freebies…but you may not want to wear said clothing for fear it will once again leave you exposed.

Those are, of course, your long term options. In the short term, I’d recommend stopping the ceremony — which it appears the bride in question chose not to do — to fix things up as best you can. Sewing kits are an integral part of almost every wedding day emergency kit, which means you can ask someone handy with a needle and thread to sew you in. If necessary, make a joke about “wardrobe malfunctions” to let everyone know you’re not dying inside. Before the ceremony, make a mad dash to your house or the nearest department store to find a suitable something.

It’s not an optimal solution set, but it will keep you from baring your bottom to the world!

Way back in 1989, the NY Times ran an article about no-frills brides who wore suits instead of the usual gowns. Suits, the author asserts, are for women who want to avoid looking demure or overly fem. Then she goes on to call bridal suits sexy — which reads a bit like a contradiction, but really isn’t. There’s no reason a suit has to be frumpy, after all.

”Wearing a bridal suit portrays a woman as being sure of herself, of having a sense of power,” said Louise Maniscalco, a personal shopper at Barneys New York. ”In a suit, she is dressed the way she wants and not the way tradition demands. It’s having your own identity.”

Many — if not most — brides-to-be reject bridal suits out of hand because wedding gowns are such a huge part of the Western cultural consciousness, but in the years surrounding WWII, suits were de rigueur!

The two happy people in the middle are newlyweds…they’re also my maternal grandparents. They were married in Germany sometime in the 50s, and I’m pretty sure the my gram still has that suit hidden away somewhere in her vast closets. I know for a fact that the suit she wore saw plenty of post-nuptial wear because the children of war didn’t waste a thing.

In these shaky economic times — which are shakier for some of us than for others — I’d urge brides-to-be to consider the classic bridal suit. Suits (even very well tailored varieties) can be a great budget option. They bring with it the advantage of being entirely re-wearable because even if you marry in white, natural fibers can be dyed. Paired with gloves, they are as classy as can be!

I’d venture to say that bridal suits are also a wonderful nod to the grandmothers and great-grandmothers who made the most of what they had and who, without gowns, veils, or $30,000 wedding budgets, managed to look chic and gorgeous.

How do I miss the Cheap Chic Weddings TP dress contest every year? I’m actually rather surprised that I heard nothing about it, as it appears the event is becoming somewhat famous. This year’s competition was sponsored by Charmin and Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!, and the three finalists were flown to New York where they participated in a live judging event at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Museum in Times Square.

Want to see this year’s winner? No prob! Here’s the front:

And here’s the back:

The winner, Katrina Chalifoux of Rockford, Illinois, took home a $1,000 gift card for her sheath dress with a raised flower pattern crafted from molded toilet paper. I am astounded at the level of detail she achieved using TP — is it just me, or do the dresses get more elaborate each year?

The second place winner, Terri Glover of Marlin, Texas, took home $500 for her gown embellished with intricate “lace” and delicate “beads,” and Ann Kagawa Lee of Honolulu, Hawaii took home third place (and $250) for her elegant and princessy entry.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m tempted to enter next year’s contest!

Once upon a time, men (and women!!) in a country on the eve of its birth laid down their lives to cast off the yoke of tyranny. In the present day, those of us who live in the grand ol’ U.S. of A. celebrate their sacrifice by setting off Chinese fireworks, drinking too much, and laughing our butts off at people dressed in red, white, and blue.

Not that there’s anything wrong with dressing in red, white, and blue. In fact, a smart nautically-inspired suit that makes one think that one might like to travel back in time to the 30s can look chic and sharp! Generally, however, I think I’d prefer to wear my reds, whites, and blues separately or in groupings of two to avoid any erroneous implications. I say think because my everyday uniform is black on black with a little touch of black.

For those who can pull off color or the lack of it without looking like some crazed she-beast, here are three luscious frocks — two from Nicole Miller and one from Vera Wang — that could conceivable be used to send a message like “I love America” or “Why settle for something from David’s Bridal” or “Hey, I’m not afraid to grab two friends and make a spectacle of myself on a patriotic parade float.”

Looking at this gown lineup, I can even imagine some bride-to-be who loves her country very much dressing her bridesmaids in red and blue…hey, I said I could picture it in my head, not that I would actually suggest someone actually do that.

Happy Fourth!

Pnina Tornai is an Israeli designer with a flair for over-the-top bridal fashion. She eschews both convention and proofreaders — the best sentence on her site has to be “In the last to years Pnina has expended herself over seas.” Is there anything left? Let’s have a look!

I, too, would adopt a sullen expression if I were forced to walk a runway with a bouquet of dahlias affixed to my skull. A similar bunch of blooms appears to be sprouting from the model’s right shoulder.

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Since the fabulous Never teh Bride finds herself without access to Word Press today, you guys get another day of Twistieness this week. Let’s all wish NtB a fabulous day sort-of-off and get down to business.

There have been some great posts of late out there in the bridal world, and I thought I’d point you in the direction of a couple of stand outs. First on the list is not from a bridal blog. It’s from Shapely Prose, where Fillyjonk has written an excellent article on the difficulties brides of size find in getting what they need in bridal salons and how to bypass the Wedding Industrial Complex to get a great wedding outfit. FJ, I’m totally stealing the term Wedding Industrial Complex.

Nina’s Weddings Blog has some great advice for the bride who wants to make her own wedding cake. This is meant for someone who is already an experienced home baker, but it definitely takes some of the mystery and terror out of the concept. Trust me, if you can make a nice cake, you can make a simple wedding cake. She’s also got a link to another blog with an even simpler plan that sounds delicious.

The Engaged Guy gives us a timely reminder that sometimes even the groom has trouble getting the outfit he wants. Luckily, the story has a happy ending.

iDo Sugar discusses a…er…somewhat…specialized and painfully intimate bridal beauty product. This is probably not work safe and definitely not for the faint of heart. All I know is I’m glad nobody thought of it before and I really wonder what the hell prompted anyone to think of it now.

A Practical Wedding showcases a lovely, elegant small wedding held at a lighthouse in Sausalito, CA. Gorgeous and dignified.

A Little of This, A Little of That asks a question that had definitely been haunting me of late in light of seeing too many episodes of Say Yes to the Dress. I don’t know if an answer has been found, but the question definitely needed asking.

NtB will be back on the job tomorrow, so I’ll see all you guys next weekend!

There are wedding favors, reception centerpieces, bridal jewelry sets, and wedding shoes for sale on Amazon, so I thought I’d poke around in their gown selection. Searching for ‘wedding gown’ net me plenty of results, but it appears that Amazon’s commitment to carrying everything under the sun does not yet extend to nuptial garb.

I know there are some perfectly serviceable gowns on Amazon, but looking at those is no fun. Plus, there are way more wacky wedding dresses for sale than there are the sort that most right-minded women would consider buying. Here’s a sample set for your amusement:

Home shredders are so convenient, right? Just be sure it’s nowhere nearby when you’re trying on your wedding gown, lest you end up with something that looks like this. But, hey, it’s no worse than this, right?

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It’s been said that the reason most people love to watch acrobatics soar through the air is that they’re hoping to see at least one tights-clad performer go splat. If that’s true, it would explain the glee I feel when looking at some of the dresses in Vera Wang’s spring 2009 collection.

Oh, some of the frocks are lovely — this one, for example, is beautiful but rather boring — but many are absolutely horrid. Most, however, would look right at home in an episode of classic Star Trek. I’m looking at this one, in particular.

Now this gown covers the midsection with a big ol’ scrunched up mess of fabric, and if there’s anything ladies like, it’s embellishments that emphasize (and add girth to) their midsections. Wait, I have that backward — that’s precisely what 99.9% of brides-to-be DON’T like. But maybe I’m being too hash… Is this dress in the process of spawning? Is that how new gowns come into the world? Ah, the miracle of life!

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